Winter Rain

A Letter From My Heart. (Episode 1)

Watching the fun they had, I can't help but participate in ideas and imaging what I could have done if I were to be in the same position. Knowing the cold hard fact, that I am, currently, unable to perform those ideas, threatens my commitment, confidence. Hence, invoking a deep sense of envy, jealousy, and desire. These puddles become deep voids as they accumulate quantitatively.

No matter the vice, they all has the verisimilitude of pain. A growing ache in my chest. One which will not subside even with closed eyes. One which can only be healed through time. One which can never be forgotten. But just neglected to the point when we stumble upon them again.

Living my days when there are restrains, no opportunity being able to present itself, bring me nothing but disappointment and frustration. If they were just obstacles, there would appear a way to overcome. Facing restrains are life draining. Things I want to do, but are unable to do them due to a huge wall, just forces oneself to hate things. Unable to find any other things which are within the confinements of the wall, just irritates oneself. It feels like a winter rain. A period of time where you cannot leave a safe place to do anything you want because you may get hurt, or lost. However, the pain of entrapment is just as enduring as being outside.

I am thankful to have received so much encouragement and suggestions from the people around me. Having these information and being unable to use them because of the wall. It would be like having a new phone but not being able to use it.

Sometimes I wish, "Why can't I be as lucky as those people?"

I wonder, "Its funny how it takes more effort for me to achieve something which other's takes less."

I hope, "I can"

I may sound very, as the common term has it, emo. I accept myself as an emo if I were to be labelled as one. However, it needs to be cleared that I am not the emo who dresses up. Neither am I extremely sensitive emotionally, I do not cry for everything, I do not get angry at anything. If I am an emo, I am just very aware of my emotions. Being completely intact with one's emotions are very important, in my personal opinion. It helps one to learn themselves and master themselves.