Dawn Of A New Beginning: Through The New Lenses Of Bryan See Tho

No, Still No Pictures

2009-07-09T14:44:00.002+08:00

I admit, I am NOT independent. I have much to learn about myself. I can only do fine when with the presence of a family or a friend. So does everyone else. I am currently rotting in New Zealand. Earlier when I stayed at Edte's auntie's friend's house, it was warm, and friendly, and comfortable. I did not feel much of the nostalgia. Ever since I moved into this hostel, I got a full slap in the face with nostalgia, loneliness, and everything else. I had no mood to go exploring, no appetite and no sleep. I started thinking more about my comfort zone in Malaysia. Then I started to point out the shit in the hostel. Hostel are not Hotels. They have a S(hit) in the middle to represent "sucks".

This hostel claims that it is 15 minutes walk from the Uni. I tried and it took me 30 minutes to reach my class. This hostel provides internet. I went in and they told me I have to buy my own internet cable in order to use the internet. This hostel cost NZD244 per week. I got a room the size of my home's toilet. The aunt's place I stayed gave me a room twice bigger for NZD80. This hostel charges me NZD4 each time I was to wash my clothes. My aunt's place just ask me to buy my own washing powder. This hostel is located in the corner of a t-junction road and is uphill. Cars, lorries, and buses accelerate louder when using them. This hostel is right beside a Big General Hospital. Ambulance roars once to thrice a day. 10 minutes away from the hostel arewhere prostitutes find clients. This hostel is in such a strategic area that it is hard to find any fresh food markets, proper restaurants, and the bank. This hostel is over-priced because it is totally not worth it. And this hostel is not fully occupied. I am so lonely here. As I am eating alone, and walking alone, I start to feel slightly depressed. However, I just have to bear with it for now because I am planning to move out and back to the aunt's house.

There are only two rooms in the aunt's house and both are occupied now. She will kick one of her tenants out for me because she has been meaning to do so anyway. Now it just depends on when can the tenant move out so that I can move in. I really hope I can move in soon because I am not really happy staying in the hostel. And that does not reflect a good start to my university life. I am sorry that I am not friendly to go around knocking on doors to meet new people. I just lack the courage to do such acts without the presence of a friend or family. I need a catalyst to do anything. It is cold and I am upset. The lack of sleep due to the noise pollution and the bloody small bed could have affected my mood as well. Also the fact that I do not feel settled down in this tiny room.

One could say I am very intact with the proverb 'no man is an island'. I do not work well as a single island. Also I am immovable like an island. I cant approach and join with any other islands to form a continent. I need islands to join me to form a continent of friendship. I am not saying as though Im some useless shit lying around here complaining and hoping for the best. I did try to make myself better from time to time. For example, the day before, I refused to go out anywhere because I didn't felt like it and I was still in a shock. Today I went out for food and I saw a couple of asians. I tried to talk to them. I was shy and didnt say a word but at least the intention was there. The urge was there. Soon I will overcome my shyness and be able to move myself. I hope.

A Blade Cuts Both Ways

2009-06-25T18:29:00.002+08:00

It's one thing to be brief,

It's another thing to be boring,

It's one way to be original,

It's another way to have nothing.

A Man says, "I do..",
In his heart, "..whatever I want",

The cake is romantic,

But the knife is blunt.

A small drop,

Gathered by small cups,
No big drop,

Without big cup,

No big cup,

Without big drop.

She touched him,

Affection or Attraction?

He loves her,

She does not,

He hates her,

She hates him,

It was but a simple, gentle, tap of sensation.

Blown Away

2009-06-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my cousin sister had her bachelor party. I mean, spinster party. This morning her friends played A LOT of pranks on her husband and friends. Tonight she had her wedding at a beautiful restaurant and everything, almost everything, went perfectly well. Every table was provided with newspaper. Apparently, one of her wedding photos were displayed in some advertisement or competition thing in the Nanyang Siang Pau. If anyone of my readers read that newspaper, if you notice a pink advertisement with two photos of two different wedding couple, the couple in red traditional chinese costume is my cousin and her husband. Though I am not sure whether is the newspaper for today or tomorrow.

I dressed especially nice for her wedding because she is actually one of my favourite cousins. I have no particular reason to mention this but to state that I usually wear normal jeans and collar t-shirt to other people's weddings. Not that other people are not worth it, but I just dress specially for people I am close with.

This wedding dinner was unlike any other wedding dinner's I have been to. It is almost exactly the same as most wedding dinner's I have been to but in this one I actually had fun. I chatted with alot of people I didn't know and took lots of photographs with my other cousins. I also got closer to my niece. For the record, I am shy with kids. I don't know how to baby talk or kiddy talk and play with kids. I am afraid to be kissed or even kiss a child. Eventhough they are just so darn adorable. I also don't know how to carry a kid. I tend to make them feel uncomfortable. However, I am learning and I think I am improving. I think I am. Because one niece keeps coming to me whenever she sees me and jump around me.

Everything was almost perfect, for me. But I screwed myself up and ended in regret. A dead end path to regret. (I am such an Idiot). She was perfect. (I am such an Idiot). She was right there. (I am such an Idiot). I didn't even say hi or anything. (I am such an Idiot). I talking to the elder people and everyone, (I am such an Idiot) but not even a single word to her. (I am such an Idiot). I kept thinking (I am such an Idiot), I should not bother her while she is working. (I am such an Idiot). But what chance will I have left? (I am such an Idiot). I didn't know (I am such an Idiot) why I chose regret (I am such an Idiot) over making a new friend. (I am such an Idiot). I really wanted to approach. (I am such an Idiot). But I felt so held back. (I am such an Idiot). After all I learned (I am such an Idiot) I could apply nothing. (I am such an Idiot). Such a big slap in the face on a rare opportunity. (I am such an Idiot). (I am such an Idiot). (I am such an Idiot).

So I will try to post some pictures of the wedding if I get my hands on them. I also want to post some pictures about my BEST OUTING evers but NEO Y.T. still won't send me the pictures I asked for (Just kidding, no rush, take your time, girl).

The Best Exist

2009-06-05T23:10:00.002+08:00

Someone fugging stole my camera's brain! Now he can only remember a maximum of 26 pictures! Who would do such a thing!? Idiot!

Anyway, I will have my first Korean Exam next Tuesday and I am so afraid that I might screw it up. Since I'm slow and all. And on the other hand, I still have so many troublesome things to settle for New Zealand. Accommodation, class enrolment, fees, forms, forms, and more forms.

As for today, I went to Pavillion and met up with Chewie at Carl's entrance after my class. I had a Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger, which was awesome. Carl's Jr makes the best burgers, in my opinion. We went for a walk to KLCC after, to burn off some of the bulge on our belly.

There was a Lego Promotion at the centre court. We checked it out for a while before going up to Level 4 to meet Yesha, Raju and the others. I am aiming to get a little scoop on JAK. Anyway, we chatted with them until Neo came. Then chatted some more until 6.20p.m. That is when we started walking out to the bus station and took a bus to my area. My turf. Chewie, me and Neo chatted throughout the whole journey from KLCC to my place.

We walked to the main attraction of the day, I was the "tour guide". Chewie ate 6 Nasi Lemak Marvellous, Neo had 2 and I had 1. Chewie claims that he can eat more because it's so damn good, but I have yet to see him eat more than 6. But it really IS that good, so are the Ayam Merah, Ayam Kampung, and beef. After dinner, we went back to my crib. We hung out in my room until they had to go. I drove them to the train station and that was the end of this short outing. However, though simple as it sounds, I had one of THE best outing ever. It felt so perfect. Everything went well, physically and emotionally. The plan was undistrupted and the conversations were full and exciting. It was literally one of the Best outing that I have ever experienced. I never knew things would be so flexible, especially since it is through this outing I get to know Neo for the first time, but we got along just fine. The factor of just having a three person outing may reduce the possibility of a less smooth outing, but screw that! I had a damn good time and I'll definitely miss alot when I'm gone.

I wish I had some pictures to show, but I am not really the type of person who knows when is the right time to take a picture. It could be that I am not photogenic which causes me to avoid taking pictures. Anyhow, someone bloody stole my camera's memory card, so I can't take any pictures anyway.

The Same Cruise

2009-05-28T11:39:00.003+08:00

I too am feeling very stressed lately. All these discomfort building up inside me. The feeling of the weight of the world upon our shoulders. The troubled mind bringing disgusting frightful nightmares to our sleep. A continuous rise of pressure as we notice lesser and lesser comfort spots in our days. Why are we feeling so? What change in our lives has brought upon such pain? The anxiety before going to University? The hectic life of University?

Everywhere we need to be, everything we need to do, should not be blamed upon for this stress we all have. This is the stress of Moving On. As we move on, those we fear will undoubtedly happen, those we avoid will hit on us in bulks, and those we have to achieve does not bother if we are in the mood or not. In this Real Life, the part where we get used to - or adapt towards- involves a huge amount of stress. The most important thing where going through this test is not to lose oneself.

I am getting so absorbed into the preliminary stages that I am beginning to act different, feel different, and become different. Pessimism always aims us for times like this. We should not create a habitat for pessimism. What happened to enjoy life? Since when did we forget to look outside the box? That above all these confusion, there is the fact that if we don't enjoy ourselves, we won't have much time left to do so. How long do we live? The average life span may suggest 70-80 years, but do a discreet calculation and how long do we really have time to enjoy? How long do we get to smile and be happy leaving wonderful memories in our experience? What is the benefit in wasting our limited time embracing stress and despair? Define, Moving On.

The most important thing in remaining intact with oneself is by being with our dearest friends. They are what makes us, us. I have not been meeting my friend as often as in college anymore and I have seen changes in me. I fall back in negativity and nightmares. I regret not inviting a friend to take this Korean Class with me. I feel so lonely now. I tried to make new friends. But the only three classmates I have are so shy and avoiding. I miss my friends. I want to hang out with them. But how many would have time to hang out with me? Everybody is so engulfed by their own stress, that there isn't any time in the schedule for anyone.

I started thinking. What happens when I go to New Zealand? How much lonelier would I feel? Is this the price of overseas education? I say I would have no regrets. But there is only an ounce of truth in that. No one would have no regrets when going far away from home for so long. Even for the coldest person, he would at least regret not having more roti canai or goreng cempedak.

What we should do now is stop. Take a five second pause. Restart. And live the way we imagine it to be. Find light in everything and make it all worthwhile. Smile through darkness and stay intact with the stars around you. Hang out with the stars. Hang out with this star(me)! I'm so freaking bored! Embrace the freedom in your life! A change is not always hard, it depends on how you make it. Force yourself to be happy when doing anything and you will eventually get used to being happy.

(Note: All those encouragement are for myself mostly. It is not directed at everyone, hence, I am not stating that everyone is having the same-if not worse-condition as me. However, feel free to imply them in yourself if you find them right.)

First Class

2009-05-25T20:35:00.003+08:00

No the title does not refer to my flight seating on July 4th. And yes I am going to fly to Auckland, New Zealand on July 4th. Most of what I need to do to apply for my Visa is almost done. After that I just need to think, pack, buy, and remember whatever I need to bring. I will also need to meet all my friends before I go. So I am going to resign from Kinokuniya by May 31st.

Talking about meeting, I just celebrated my 20th Birthday two days ago. I received so many presents, half of them in the form of ang paus. I am planning to use the money to buy a good webcam and a compatible microphone for my computer. I was planning to mix my farewell party into the birthday party. Unfortunately, so many people were unable to turn up (in the end there was just 5 of my friends who came). Also there were many whom I do not have the contact number. I asked some friends to help me invite those who I do not have the contact number of. Unfortunately, I found out too late that they, apparently, magically, instantaneously forgot my request and did not invite those I do not have the contact number of.

Anyway, I still had loads of fun in my party and thanks to everyone for their generous gift. I still have 39 days to spend in Malaysia and I have a few agendas that must be fulfilled:

1. Have Nerotus show me my old drawings
2. Have Nerotus sleepover at my place.

3. Meet up with as many SN8a,b,c friends as possible in, hopefully, one awesome gathering.

4. Have number 3 included with lecturers if possible.

5. Bring Chewie (and if possible Raju, Yesha and Farah) for Marvellous Nasi Lemak.

6. Go watch Night Of The Musuem 2 with someone who has been asking for it for so many times.

7. Have a 5K reunion with as many of my high school mates as possible.

8. Buy a new webcam and microphone for my computer.

That's all I have for now. But there may be more that I need to accomplish before I can leave with less regrets.

In explanation for my title, today was my first korean language class. Yes I used up my hard earned money from Kinokuniya and spent 2/3 of it on this language course which I have absolutely no guarantee of making it useful in the future. I am just taking it for the fun of it and I hope I will not forget it. But I doubt I will forget it since I am working so hard on it and I used my self earned money. However, we don't know the future. It will go to waste if I don't use it. I shall make more Korean friends when I am in New Zealand. Or I could just try out on the Korean students in ISKL.

Anyway, I don't seem to be getting what I paid for. I mean not much of it. The price does not match the quality. My teacher is very weak in english. Thus, it becomes hard for me to actually know what does she want us to do. She keeps talking in korean (on our FIRST CLASS) as though we would know what she is talking about and that we will do as she teaches. I would have gone out to complain saying that I could get more understandable teachers for a lesser amount of price. I felt such an urge because it was actually my own money involved in this case.

Fortunately, there was a classmate who already has some basic in Korean and she can actually know, more or less, what the teacher is trying to tell us or ask us to do. So as long as I am not falling behind, I won't complain.

By the way, I am the only boy in that class. There are only five students and even the teacher is a lady. It feels so odd being the only dude. Being in that class, it felt like I was back in my tuition centre studying for my SPM. The smell of the marker ink on the white board, the echo of the teachers in that tiny classroom, the desk and the chairs, the cold air, and how everytime we laugh people from other classes would wonder what is happening on the other side. It brings back so many memories that occasionally my attention drifted from the lesson. However, I tried to remain focus for the whole 2 hours so that I can absorb 100% of what I am taught. I must make this course value for money.

Today I learned how to read, write, and pronounce vowels and half of the consonants. Another half will be taught tomorrow. Too bad I have to work for Stock Taking in Kino tomorrow. I told the teacher and she was kind enough to tell me what she will teach in the 2 hour class tomorrow in 5 minutes before I left. And then she told me to attend the class 40 minutes earlier on Wednesday so she can help me catch up. I guess being the only boy in the class does pay off. Either that or she is just a very responsible teacher. On another note, I should not call myself "boy" anymore since I am already 20. It would just sound. . .wrong. I am the only MAN.

I had some difficulties trying to remember the pronouciation of 어, 으, and 오 today. The first and the last are so freaking similar in sound that it was very hard for me to make it obvious the difference in pronounciation. At one point, the teacher decided to give up trying to make me pronounce the difference and let me be. I had problems recalling the second one when I was focused on practicing the first and the third. It ain't easy to learn a new language. Now I feel that cold hard fact. But overall it was quite fun learning a new language. I love languages.

I think my Korean name is written 스 두 치 즈 . I am not yet able to fully type in korean, but I will try it when I can. Don't worry, I will not fully koreanize my blog. Besides, I will most probably be talking nonsense or something unimportant when writting in Korean. Because it would just be part of my practice. I would practice on Microsoft Word, unfortunately, I don't have that programme. Stupid, isn't it? Dell give me Windows Vista Home Basic and it does not include Microsoft Word, Excel, or even Power Point.

Here's to hoping everything goes well and dandy for the next 39 days!

Pangkor Laut Resort (PLR)

2009-05-19T21:52:00.003+08:00

This package promotion was totally, definitely, absolutely, worth it. RM700++ per person and the food and services you get there are exquisite. Pangkor Laut Resort is a perfect place to go....for couples!

The View From Our Apartment in Ipoh Tower

Our first stop was Ipoh. There were five of us for this trip. Me, The Parents, The brother, and That girl (How rude of me, but for privacy sake). We stayed one night at the Hotel Regency Ipoh Tower something something. It was a new apartment hotel. It smelled new and I like things that smells new.

At night, after watching the Man U against Arsenal football match, we went down to the lounge to listen to a live band. There was this electric guitar uncle who played so skillfully and adorable at the same time. It was just funny looking at him play.

On the next day, we left for Lumut. At Lumut, we rode the speed boat to PLR. It was a 25 minute windy ride. I love boats. Upon arrival, we were greeted by a brownish yellow jelly fish the size of my head. It looked so cute. Dancing in the surface of the sea. LOOKS harmless.

The Speedy Boat Ride To PLR

The welcoming was very warm and friendly. I like the service there. They treat everyone equally and with full cooperation and assistance. The workers there are not local. Most of them aren't. They are from Bangladesh, Myanmar, and some other countries. And it is because of that, there are no biased services.

After we checked in, we walked to the Ray Beach Restaurant for our lunch. Then we walked back for a quick nap. But I didn't felt like sleeping. Neither did The Parents. So we relaxed for a while in the beautiful Hill Villas that we got, then went out to explore. When we walked to the reception, I saw some movements in the water. No ordinary movements. From far, I analysed the vague figures to be dolphins. My dad and I ran out towards the ferry to take a closer look, and some photographs. It turned out they were three seals! I didn't manage to take any good pictures of them, merely three dots on the vast sea in the photograph. But I managed to take a mental picture of the seals when their heads pop out from the water. They look so friggin' cute!

View From Ray Beach Restaurant

Our Table In Ray Beach Restaurant

A View From The Beach Below Ray Beach Restaurant

Bats Spotted Sleeping On A Tree When Walking Around After Lunch

The Tame Eagle We Saw On The Ferry Bridge When Trying To Catch The Seals

View Of The Sea Villas From The Ferry Bridge

One The Nicest Seats At The Shuttle Bus Station

Then we walked around aimlessly until a Shuttle Bus picked us up and took us to Emerald Bay. Emerald Bay was the perfect couple spot. It was the right place for a proposal, a wedding, or just a romantic sunset view. We relaxed there for a long time. My brother and that girl came to join us later. We ordered a couple of coconuts, each cost RM16.

Emerald Bay Sun Set I

Emerald Bay Sun Set II

Emerald Bay Sun Set III

When it was close to 8.30p.m. we went back to change our clothes, then took a shuttle bus to the Fisherman's Cove restaurant. I specifically mentioned the change of clothes part because they had a dress code for the restaurant. It was my first time experiencing true fine dining. There were so many Fine Dining Rules I was unaware of. The food were beautiful. The view was dark but the ambiance was perfect, though the temperature slightly sweaty.

Every meal, was a over-fulfilling meal. We walked home most of the time. When we got back, we opened a bottle of white wine and spend some time chatting on the balcony. It was a perfect evening....for couples!

I woke up early on the day after and went for breakfast at the Feast Village restaurant with The Parents. The breakfast buffet was very "high-classed" but the variety of food was unexpected for the reputation they present so far. Though most of it's quality still preserved. Whatever it is, I comment, once again, the service was extremely fine, very friendly, and full of pleasant smiles.

After breakfast, we went kayaking in the sea. My brother teamed with that girl and I was with my dad. I got sun burn. But it was fun. The wind, the water, the view. We saw a couple of those huge jelly fish swimming around. Close up they were twice to thrice the size of my head.

Then we went to Emerald Bay again for a swim. We played in the water for quite a while. When it was time for lunch, we went to the washroom for a quick shower. Though it was supposed to be a simple shower, it was like the best shower ever. They had hair shampoo, body shampoo, and conditioner, prepared in the shower room. Then there were towels outside the shower room waiting for anyone who needs to use them. It was so relaxing. So convenient. Perfect.

Emerald Bay Water Play (Secret Spot)

Emerald Bay Water Play (Secret Spot) View

Our lunch was just behind the beach, at a restaurant called Chapman's Bar. The medium-rare beef steak I ordered was very juicy and delicious. I just have to mention that particular main course because I love beef, so I am very picky about beef, and they made a damn good beef steak. We went back to our villas after and took a shower, again, to wash off any remaining sand or sea water. However, I did not shower. I went straight down hill with my brother and played tennis. We played for more than an hour and I learned alot about tennis from him. I had a good amount of sweat and exercise, considering the amount of food I'm being fed all the while.

I went back for a nice salt bath and then a clean shower. Then rested in the room for a while. A few moments later, I woke up and saw a Hornbill on the balcony. It was surprising to see one so up close. I always thought them to be more comfortable on the coconut trees or somewhere away from humans. He looked so comfortable and serene. I went in and got some food, then sneaked out. I looked at my brother's villa and he had two hornbills on his balcony. And he looked so indifferent reading his magazine while the hornbills relaxed on his balcony. I placed the food on a surface and the hornbill flew away. Then I sat on the chair and looked at my brother's balcony.

Suddenly, the hornbill flew back and slowly and carefully, approached the food. Then it ate. Then more hornbill started to come. All of a sudden, in just a few seconds, both our balcony, cumulatively had eleven hornbills. Those resting on the roof of our villas were not included in the previous calculation. It felt like all the hornbills in that part of the island gathered at our villa for their Annual General Meeting or something. My mom brought out some more food and they ate happily. At this point, I regretted even more for not bringing my camera. I could have taken a picture of all the hornbills. But I had thought my phone has a camera now and that would suffice. I was wrong. There were so many things which a camera could do that a phone camera couldn't that I didn't take the time to realize before.

HornBill I

Hornbill Feast (There were more on the left and right and one below the chair I'm on)

Close Up Of The Hornbill Which Left The "Present"

When the hornbills all flew away for their own business, one stayed behind to eat. Then then he left a "present" and flew away, we went to Uncle Lim restaurant for our dinner. The chinese food felt homely, and relaxing for once. After all the heavy western food we've had the whole time. As we walked back along the Sea Villas, I saw a huge stone fish and a couple of pointy fish (now sawfish, something else). My brother had met an old friend earlier in the afternoon. So when we returned to our villa, he went to have a chat with his old friend with that girl.

Last night I did not sleep so well at all. It was so damn cold. I woke up later than yesterday morning because I was still quite tired from yesterday's activity. We went for breakfast at Feast Village again. They had pretty much the same food as yesterday morning. I didn't felt like eating much. We checked out immediately after breakfast.

Yesterday morning, there were 6 monkeys passing by our villa. This morning more than 10 monkeys came to our villa. One entered our room and stole one apple. Some monkeys played with my brother's clothes which was left to dry outside. My dad took aggresive action and the monkey wanted to fight with him. I told my dad to stop threatening them and let them be. They left after a while. They looked quite cute though.

We left at 12p.m. Bought some food at Lumut. Drove all the wave to LCCT airport. Had KFC for dinner. See my brother and that girl off, back to Singapore. Came back home. Invited by a gas bomb of cat poo. It was too dark to locate the shit. Unpacked, showered, and prepared to go to bed. It was a very tiring trip, but very enjoyable. Although there were many activities that I missed and could not join due to the costly price, but I'm glad I experienced many things that could not be bought by money.

Shining water before I leave for home. The Last view of PLR sea water. It is thanks to this trip that I realize the depressing fate of of my 5S. The 5S that I am suffering in this period. I am hoping that this is just a period, a phase, that will pass and life would be different after that. You must be wondering what this cruel fate of 5S that has befallen me. Allow me to enlighten you. I am Short, Straight, Silly, Sad, and Single.

Quick Chick

2009-05-07T20:45:00.002+08:00

Two days ago, something happened in Kinokuniya. An elderly man fell at the children section. It was a carpeted floor. But still, it was a fatal fall, and he bled. He cut his lips, I presumed, based on the collective rumours. I did not saw or heard anything. But according to the stories, they heard a loud bump as though very heavy books fell on the carpet floor. Turned out to be a person. Chewie saw it and went straight to the office to get some first aid. Unfortunately, he could not find what he needed to perform the first aid. And he thought, it was his turn to shine and put what he learned to good use. Later the man left, holding a handkerchief against his lips, with his wife. We had lost a customer to the carpet floor at the children's section.

Yesterday, the man's son came to complain our Kinokuniya. According to what I heard, he was planning to sue Kinokuniya for not being able to provide first aid and that our floor was uneven, hence causing the fall. The latter felt like bullshit and pure childish reasons to cover up an embarrassment. I, however, did not find any reason to make up a scene. People fall all the time. Why should they be any special?

Later at night, a fight broke out. I do not know enough details about this, nor will I post much about this particular occurrence.

As for me, University of Auckland has offered me a position. If everything else goes well, I may be leaving Malaysia to New Zealand by the first week of July. If everything don't go so well, I will be leaving to Singapore by the last week of July. If everything goes down hill to a quicksand, I will not be leaving Malaysia and have to wait for 2010. That would suck A LOT.

Lastly, there will be a surprise SMS to a certain amount of people and I sincerely hope they will be able to respond positively to it as it would mean alot to me, especially since I will be away. Far far away.

I forgot to mention the purpose of the title. Today I saw Huay Ee. I've always seen her from far but today up close I barely recognised her. She talked so fast and left so fast. I couldn't even reply to her quick questions on time. By the time I recovered from the shock of seeing her in Kinokuniya, she already said goodbye and had disappeared. I am not shock because she knows Kinokuniya. I am shock because I get to meet someone I know in Kinokuniya. Mind you, I haven't seen anyone I know for a very very long time already. So it is perfectly normal for me to feel surprised. A joyous type of surprise. Though I do not understand why was she in such a rush. I couldn't even retrieve my question book from my brain and chat with her before she finished her part of the conversation so quick and left. She probably has to meet with a friend or something. Maybe next time then.

What A Rewarding Day

2009-04-30T20:57:00.002+08:00

This is the day that I am supposed to be working. I was so free in the morning. Because the logistics were going all out to finish up many things since tomorrow will be a holiday, I was not needed inside to wrap anything. On the sales floor there were so little trolleys, that there was nothing much to display anymore. I was just walking around with Ayesha most of the time and chatting. There was nothing much to do at all.

Then Ramdhan called me to help him carry bags for a customer. We each carried a paper bag full of books and followed him outside, where his driver was waiting. When we placed the bags into the car, he tipped us both. It was awesome.

Later in the afternoon I got a little busy because I we went to help Yoke Ping with the comics shelf. After lunch, I went into the office to help load batteries into the new scanner. It may sound like an easy job, but I had to load batteries into 87 scanners. Each scanner already has batteries, but are half dead. So I had to remove and reload. I was working with a japanese lady. When I was done, I went out to remove stickers from books.

When I was near the travel section, two ladies came to ask for help. They wanted to find a new copy of a certain Malaysia map. Unfortunately there was no copy left. They were holding the last one. But that Map was damaged severely and had no price tag. It was a browsing copy. This was the case. It seems simple. But it became hard because I didn't know how to explain browsing copy to them in sign language. Because they were signing here and there to me the whole time, I thought they either didn't know english or they were deaf. It was later, after my senior had settled them, that I was told they were actually just mute and they do understand english.

Before I finish, I have an announcement to make. New Zealand Natural in KLCC, that ice cream stall, is currently having a very brief promotion. They are having this promotion today and tomorrow only. 30th April to 1st May. So go to KLCC tomorrow if you wish to enjoy this promotion. Here are the requirements. Those born in the year 1987, 1988, 1989, 1990, and 1991, are entitled to either a FREE Junior Ice Cream (cup or cone) OR 50% off on a Large Ice Cream. Show them your IC to enjoy the promotion. I already used my chance today. I had English Toffee ice cream on a cone. I have no idea why did they have this promotion and why just those 5 years, but go get your free ice cream before the promotion ends! The ice cream are actually quite smooth and delicious!

Intoxicated

2009-04-29T21:56:00.002+08:00

Today is not a good day to work. Not for me. So many cranky people. So many uptight people. Something has gotten over the females of the working place and many of them are being unusually serious and somber. Also I was put to wrapping for almost the whole day. I shrink and wrapped 5 trolleys on my own within 6 hours. I inhaled gallons of plastic gas and my limbs are now exhausted.

Eventhough she seems sick today, she gave me a T-shirt. Such a nice lady. Well, she didn't only give me, there were four others. There isn't really much to talk about today since I was just wrapping the freaking whole day. I guess this is one of those very rare moments when I actually go against myself and write a post which does not require any scrolling to finish.

I'll try to get something interesting to happen so I can talk. Sounds desperate. Oh well.

The Unavoidable Reality Of Come And Go

2009-04-27T22:18:00.003+08:00

I had thought that the Japanese movie Threads of Destiny(a.k.a Red Thread) would be a touching love story, as the comments stated. Unfortunately, I was deeply disappointed by the result. Threads of Destiny was a tragedy movie. There is very little emphasis on romance, the whole movie was basically disaster after disaster with almost zero infatuation.

My brother was going to have a meeting at the Nestle Factory in Petaling Jaya. After my mom and I fetched him there, we went to Mid Valley for a walk. We bought tickets for the 11.30a.m. show and went for a walk in MPH. I noticed that they don't organize as detail as Kinokuniya. Also they dont pack shelf and make sure everything is in perfect order. Meanwhile I am working so hard for so little pay to keep everything nice and all. After looking at MPH, I understand now why my unit chief said that Kinokuniya was considered as a 5 star book store. At MPH I saw books on the floor, many copies misplaced at the wrong shelf, and bad organization. In Kinokuniya, the store opens at 10a.m. and closes at 10p.m. Usually we have to reorganize the books from 9.30a.m. to 10a.m. And then pack shelf from 9.15p.m so that it won't be too messy for the next morning staff to clean up.

Later we went up for early lunch at Carl's Jr. I have been waiting for a chance to try Carl's Jr and today I finally got the chance. And I am glad I tried it. The burger was awesome. It was definitely worth it's price. The meat was generous, the bread was high quality, the fries were original and bottomless soft drinks! I was happy after the satisfying meal. But my mood was instantaneously brought down by the movie. Threads Of Destiny hit me with the cold hard fact that not all japanese movies are good movies. Please don't waste your money on that movie. Threads of Destiny was a pathetic attempt in trying to bring out sympathy from the audience. There was no touching romance scenarios but just a jumble of sadistic scenarios desperate to touch hearts. They had drugs, abuse, and unnecessary deaths. It portrays a dark society with utmost immaturity. This movie reminded me of Bride Wars, not by concept or plot but by desperation. A high potential story was completely ruined. There was nothing romantic about the movie, it just left the audience with irritation and confused. They tried to throw in too many things into the movie, forgetting to emphasize on the sorrow of important events. It seemed like a movie made in a rush. Like I said, I was disappointed.

After the movie, we met up with my brother at Nando's for lunch. I didn't eat much. I was still digesting the burger. We went home afterwards. I showered and rested for a while. I had a feeling the day would get sadder, so I opened some streaming videos on my computer to load. I went out later with the whole family. We had dinner at some nyonya restaurant. It was a simply chosen restaurant, thus we expected nothing superb. And damn we were up for some surprise, the food was great! We ordered Asam Chicken Fish, Deer meat and vegetables. The fish was totally delicious. I ate 3 bowls of rich because the sauce was heavenly. I was happy again because of dinner. Before that I was upset the whole time because of the movie. My heart was down, it felt heavy.

I slept my way to LCCT. We spend a hour and a bit with my brother before sending him off to his flight back to Singapore. At that point, I was feeling both sad and happy. Sad because of parting but happy because of the time spent. On my way home, I plugged my ears with the earphones, switched on the music, and closed my eyes. I listened to every lyric from every song I heard and tried to relate it to my memories. At home, I watched the fully loaded game show and felt slightly happier.

Well, at least I can look forward to 16 May. My trip to Pangkor Island with the whole family (including my brother) for 3 days 2 night. That you can expect some pictures from. Goodnight.

Damn That Bitch

2009-04-25T23:18:00.002+08:00

Today I used my, literally, blood and sweat earned money and, with full intention and sincerity, treated my family to a Japanese buffet lunch. We ate at Yaki Yaki Japanese Buffet Restaurant, the one near Federal Hotel and Plaza Low Yat. It was RM65++ per head but they had a special promotion for the month of April with 50% discount. In total, I spend RM160. We ate so much that we didn't even have space for dinner. I feel sorry for eating so much more than we paid for in there. But the delicious food were just too darn hard to ignore. They had this clay pot with hot flaming coals inside and a metal thing above. We can take from the bar or order raw food and cook them ourselves. There were also sashimi and others. The Kobe Beef and Beef striploin that I cooked and ate with their Honey Mustard Sauce were totally awesome. I couldn't stop myself. And they were so generous with the sashimi. All you had to do was ask and they will chop some out for you. That is not all. The view was awesome, for me.

After lunch, we went to have a walk in pavillion and ate some deserts. Then drove to Sungai Buloh to visit my uncle. I had a really simple dinner with my brother and my dad. I forgot to mention. My brother came back two nights ago. He came down for work but decided to stay longer since it was nearing the weekends.

At my uncle's house, my dad showed everybody a video clip of an indonesian maid abusing an infant. I'm know it was in the newspaper quite some time ago, but I felt a complete disgust when I saw the video. I wish she would suffer for what she had done. Damn heartless zombie bitch. For those who didn't watch the video, I can't express any clearer than the video itself. But she kicked the kid very hard at first, then pulled her by the hand, swirled her til she drop to the floor. Then kicked her while she was down. Then stood on top of her and then kneel down while ON the little kid. Then went away for a while. Came back later to kick her more and used her leg to continuously slap her face. She abused the kid so much that the kid pooped in her pants. Fucking bitch, I felt like making her suffer for what she had done while watching that sickening video. No matter how naughty the kid MIGHT have been, such treatment are never deserving to a child.

Talking about video, I am so outdated that I've just noticed these commercial videos recently, when my brother showed me. They were such cute videos.

The Love Of Tan Hong Ming

How To Spell Dinosaur

Race

I am so so late to notice this adorable commercials. My goodness.

But here are some videos that I don't think everyone has seen. They are Singapore commercial videos. Apparently, children in Singapore are very rude and unappreciative towards their parents. So the government had to release such commercials to promote Family.

Family

Funeral

That's all I got for now. Before I end this post. To all parents in the world, please don't trust your children to maids. If you are going to raise a children, raise the children yourself. If you want to have children, make sure the children are yours and become who you want them to be, like you or better. Children are not young and clueless forever. And the memories you can create with them when they were young are the most precious of them all. If you have a child, and he will leave the country at 18. You will only have 15 years or less of memories with them out of the entire lifespan you have that you get a chance to be with your child. Lastly, please learn to commit to your responsibility as a parent if you want to become one. If you find raising a baby burdensome, then you are not ready to have a child. Dont play with life. It ain't a game. You can't restart when things go wrong.

Winter Rain

2009-04-20T18:41:00.002+08:00

A Letter From My Heart. (Episode 1)

Watching the fun they had, I can't help but participate in ideas and imaging what I could have done if I were to be in the same position. Knowing the cold hard fact, that I am, currently, unable to perform those ideas, threatens my commitment, confidence. Hence, invoking a deep sense of envy, jealousy, and desire. These puddles become deep voids as they accumulate quantitatively.

No matter the vice, they all has the verisimilitude of pain. A growing ache in my chest. One which will not subside even with closed eyes. One which can only be healed through time. One which can never be forgotten. But just neglected to the point when we stumble upon them again.

Living my days when there are restrains, no opportunity being able to present itself, bring me nothing but disappointment and frustration. If they were just obstacles, there would appear a way to overcome. Facing restrains are life draining. Things I want to do, but are unable to do them due to a huge wall, just forces oneself to hate things. Unable to find any other things which are within the confinements of the wall, just irritates oneself. It feels like a winter rain. A period of time where you cannot leave a safe place to do anything you want because you may get hurt, or lost. However, the pain of entrapment is just as enduring as being outside.

I am thankful to have received so much encouragement and suggestions from the people around me. Having these information and being unable to use them because of the wall. It would be like having a new phone but not being able to use it.

Sometimes I wish, "Why can't I be as lucky as those people?"

I wonder, "Its funny how it takes more effort for me to achieve something which other's takes less."

I hope, "I can"

I may sound very, as the common term has it, emo. I accept myself as an emo if I were to be labelled as one. However, it needs to be cleared that I am not the emo who dresses up. Neither am I extremely sensitive emotionally, I do not cry for everything, I do not get angry at anything. If I am an emo, I am just very aware of my emotions. Being completely intact with one's emotions are very important, in my personal opinion. It helps one to learn themselves and master themselves.

Crime In The Continent

2009-04-15T21:11:00.002+08:00

Today was one heck of a day. I finished test scanning all the picture books section and did shrinking for one trolley. Had lunch in the pantry with Michael and some other colleagues. Read some books and stuff. But hell, nothing interesting happened on me. I just saw and heard some pretty damn interesting stuff.

In the morning, while I was test scanning, I heard the two security guards talking behind me. All I got was this.

"Aku nampak dia ambik dua buku doraemon"

then something in between. . .

"Sumpah aku nampak!"

then something in between. . .

After a few seconds, suddenly they both ran out. I took a look. They stopped a girl and talked to her for a bit. Then guided her back into the store and into the security area. I didn't know what happened next. Apparently, she had shoplifted two books in her bag. She was a young girl, looked around 14-16 of age, possibly chinese. The detector did not catch her because the security tags were cleverly removed. I should have followed them to the back and see how they will warn her and stuff. But I didn't. I focused on my job.

During my lunch break, something happened again. I heard it from a colleague. He told me that a man had removed the price tag from a cheap item, and paste it on the book he wanted to purchase. Hence, paying less for a more expensive book that he wants. Security caught him in the act and I didn't know what happened to him.

While I was eating with Michael, he talked to me about another theft which happened yesterday. A man successfully stole RM1200 worth of materials from Kinokuniya. It was two A-Levels book. They were Chemistry and Physic books. It wasn't really a book. It was a folder with ring holders inside containing lots of pages. He opened the rings, took out all the contents and stole away with it. Each folder, with it's contents, cost about Rm600. The theft was undiscovered until Michael, when displaying books, noticed that the folder was empty on the inside. He must have planned the thievery because he managed to avoid the cameras and security.

Other than that, nothing else more interesting happened.

PC Fair In KLCC - Day 3(Final)

2009-04-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

Went to the PC Fair with Soka at noon.

Crowded but filled with interesting sights.

Went to work.

Nothing much to do. But still alot to do.

Last day with Soka.

Last dinner/lunch (Dunch) with Soka.

Ordered something else but the cashier heard wrongly and gave me the same meal.

Experienced arranging Hell which is the children section.

Messy like a disaster. Natural disaster.

Experienced wrapping using the oldest machine in logistics.
Another, less aggravating, hell sequel.

Went for tour with Yoke Wah around the untoured area of the store.

Finished by 9.45p.m.

On my way out when a customer asked for help.

The book she wanted was left one copy out of the whole store.

Another one of those hate-to-be-in type of situation.

Ended up leaving at 10p.m.

Got scolded for being late and not answering my phone. My phone was on silent.

Was told to say, "Excuse me" and then answer my call.

But rules on sales floor are no phones allowed and I think it would be. . .

unwise to answer a call infront of a customer who is asking me for help.

Annoyed.

PC Fair In KLCC - Day 2

2009-04-12T00:06:00.002+08:00

Once again I did not have the chance to visit the PC Fair. Tomorrow will be its last day. Initially, I was put to display section B. After only a few minutes of displaying, I was called to the logistic where I am told to shrink wrap. Unlucky me. There were so many people and pretty people walking everywhere and I was stuck in the logistics, where I was disconnected from the sales floor.

I managed to wrap only one trolley within an hour. I could've done better if I was not feeling so hungry and that the machine I was using weren't in such an annoying condition. After my break, I went back to shrinking a bit. After the final briefing, I was put to display the comics section. I persuaded a colleague to stay back for overtime to help me with the comics trolley because there were alot to display. He was such a nice guy. He helped me out a lot.

While I was displaying, a pretty girl came to me and asked me for sudoku books. I guided her there and went back to displaying the comics. Michael would have scolded me if I told him that. After all he taught me, I went back to displaying immediately after showing her where the sudoku books were. Sometimes, I too, wonder, what the hell is wrong with me?

A second chance presented itself. Another pretty girl came to me and asked for Law books. I pointed the direction and she went to search for it. Michael would have killed me for wasting such valuable opportunities. I could've have been more friendly, or helpful, and guide her to the law section eventhough it was far from where I was and in a different unit. So I wondered, what the hell is wrong with me?

When I was done displaying, I went in to the logistics to help Farah shrink wrap. We chatted alot while shrink wrapping. I discovered so much stories I never expected to be heard. It was a shocking yet fun conversation. Before we realized it, there was 15 more minutes before I will get off work. So I quickly finished all the remaining books, pushed the trolley out, and packed the whole section B as fast as possible. I was still late. I missed the 10p.m. bus and had to wait for the 10.30p.m. bus. I reached home around 11p.m.

I hope I would get more chances tomorrow. And also to visit the PC Fair before it ends. However, I feel like the first one would be unlikely since I was working the same shift as my unit chief. And there would be only 2 part timers, including me, and very little full timers. Basically, I would be pretty darn busy, and very stressed with the unit chief around, to the point where attending to opportunities would be hard. Stupid me. I'll try to cope. I'm sure I can adapt the unit chief in a way that most didn't attempt. Just put on a smile and pretend innocent! Good Luck! To me!

PC Fair In KLCC - Day 1

2009-04-10T23:31:00.004+08:00

Wow. That's my summary for today. Just, plain, simple, wow.

It was a very eventful day. There weren't anything much to talk about for a few days, just simple events. I guess it accumulated and exploded today. Though I have a feeling, there will be more on Satuday and Sunday. I worked the afternoon shift today. I had arrived early, so I went out to the sales floor, then went back in, and waited for time to pass before my shift starts.

After the briefing, I was assigned to do test scanning at the children's picture book section (which was hell). There were many people coming in today. Especially since there was that PC Fair and many people are coming to KLCC and they wont just spend time at the PC Fair and leave. Thanks to that, there are many pretty people coming in. Even japanese and korean people. Unfortunately, I was at the children section and I was put through a hellish work, which drains all my time. So I didn't get to look around the more pretty-infested areas and, possibly, find a new friend. Though most of the time, those pretty people who come in are often together with their lover. And for some reason, whenever I am near, their lover tend to keep them closer as though afraid that I would grab them and elope. Weird insecure relationships. The mystery of it never ceases to amaze me.

During my break, I ate in the pantry. I felt lazy to eat outside because there were so many people it would be hard to find a seat. After my early dinner, or late lunch, I went out for a walk. There were so many people. There was one particular girl who caught the most of my attention. She came out from the pharmacy and our eyes met. Then I just walked past her and kept thinking about her. It was because of her purple long pants and white shirt. I was attracted by the purple long pants. Never have I seen a purple and long pants before. She matched it with a white T-shirt, which was fine. The style and colour inflicted a weird sensation to me. A sort of attraction which is new and cannot be ignored.

While I was on my way back to Kinokuniya, I stopped near the escalator to waste more time since I had another 15 minutes before my break ends. I saw a couple to my right. They were talking a bit. Then he kissed her in the mouth in a sort of a children innocent kiss kind of way. It was a rather childish kiss for adults like them. Especially because it ended with a loud smack from releasing their lips from each other, which will give haunt me in my sleep for seven, seven, forty nine days.

A few seconds after they bid each other goodbye, I looked to my left, and I saw my uncle Bill coming up the escalator. I went to greet him and we spoke for no more than 20 seconds before he left. To Kinokuniya. When I went back to Kinokuniya, I was told to do test scanning for the Underground Comics section and the pillar near it. Through my days working at the comics section, I've noticed that comic lovers has two traits. One is that they are very polite people. Secondly, they tend to talk to themselves when selecting comic books. I'm not referring to ordinary comic lovers. These are the traits of extremely passionate comic lovers. There was once a man who was searching for a comic book. He asked me to help him find it. I knew where the comic was and took it for him. I swear, his reaction when he held the comic book, it seemed orgasmic.

Later that evening, Ayesha suddenly called me to her. I went there and she told me, "I saw David Archuleta!" I was completely taken aback. Then I remembered I heard from the radio station that he was already in KL for his concert. So it was no surprise. However, I was still surprised because he came to Kinokuniya. Though I should not be since KLCC was a tourist attraction. Even so, I was still genuinely shocked since I thought I had the chance to meet a celebrity. I went scouting the whole Kinokuniya with Ayesha and Farah. Unfortunately, there was no sight of him already. He had already got his book and left. According to specks of news from here and there, the story is as constructed.

He entered. Ayesha saw her and, unintentionally, said out loud, "Isn't that David Archuleta?" Someone approached him and the bodyguard instantaneously told her to leave him alone and let him find his book and leave.

She regretted not taking a photo of him as much as I regretted not being able to meet him. Though I am not a big fan of David Archuleta, but how often do you get a chance to meet a celebrity from abroad in your first job? I missed many opportunities due to bad timing and always being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But I feel happy to be there when these opportunities presented itself. Well, maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow or Sunday.

Criminal In The Continent

2009-04-02T23:34:00.003+08:00

Everyday at work, there is something to talk about. Something good, something bad, or something new. Today I wasn't really in the mood to work, or do anything for that matter. My body usually feels tired or weak during cool, cloudy, or rainy days. Its like when the temperature gets below a certain degree, my body just breaks and all energy flows out from me.

I was working the afternoon shift today, and it totally sucked. I was so damn busy that my body is even more tired. Bad enough I have been working 6 days straight and tomorrow I still have another afternoon shift to go. On top of that, I have to work in an under-staff condition due to one employee taking a medical leave. I can't wait for a freaking break!

Anyway, the unique thing which happened to me today happened after I got off work. While I was walking down, a stranger approached me and talked to me. He spoke in china-slang mandarin. I was completely blank. Bad enough my mandarin was down the drain. He spoke in a slang so confusing to me I had to really concentrate to know what he was talking about. After a short while of him talking to me, I realised that he was just a typical china con man. He totally sucked at lying so I just let him speak while giving him one default reply until he gave up.

I cannot understand his story completely but here was what I got. He is embarrassed to ask a favour from a young man like me. Then something about his parents leaving back to China tomorrow. Then as he was walking with me he talked about stuff in really fast mandarin. Then he talked about how he has no money and stuff because he was mugged. Then he asks for me to do him a favor and he will repay me with a meal or some sort.

I didn't fall for anything and just replied, "I'm sorry, I'm rushing somewhere. I have no time." After my fifth time saying that, as I was walking down towards the escalator, he glared at me and left. He failed to con me. Well, it was easy to spot that he was trying to con me. First of all, he kept following me wherever I go with his story. As though he was forcefully trying to make me understand his situation instead of giving up and searching for someone who might give a shit. That was a flaw because it intimidates people. Secondly, he told me he wanted to treat me to a meal, then he told me he got mugged. Firstly, he contradicted himself (possibly or maybe not since I didn't get the whole story he blabbered about). Secondly, if he was mugged, why the hell did he come to me?Go to the KLCC security or the police. If not, go ask direction to the nearest police station. Lastly, if he has parents who are going to leave tomorrow, it means he has his flight out of here already. Why in the world is he talking to me at 10p.m. in KLCC searching for favors and money? He has offended my level of intelligence and I must bash him here. However, I neither know his name nor have a picture of him. I can only say he was an average height chinese dude with small eyes and very short hair (almost bald). He was wearing a black shirt with a brown sling bag.

He has meddled with THE Bryan. Go search and destroy.

Just kidding.

Something happened on the other day at work too but I was too tired to type it down. I saw a backpacker reading in the TRAVEL corner with no shoes or socks. He was walking around Kinokuniya bare footed.

Making Mistakes In The Continent

2009-03-30T20:30:00.003+08:00

Today, I embarrassed myself once again. Yet, I do not feel embarrassed, instead, rather happy in a regretful way. Working in Kinokuniya means inconsistency. Their time tables are like the books in the shelves. One really cannot predict where the book will end up due to the customer's hobby in misplacing them. I had thought that this week my schedule was to be the same as last week. Unfortunately, I was terribly wrong. Apparently, for every week there is a different schedule for everyone. Although I still work 5 times a day, the day where I work are rather random. As though such an elaborately "organized" schedule isn't bad enough, I was told that I should check the time table everyday because it is subject to change.

What I am trying to say behind all these is that, today was supposed to be my day off and I went to work. They laughed at me and my friends called me a workaholic. Here's the irony, as far as I'm concerned, I hate working, or just hate working there. Another friend said that this was the longest OT (overtime). I was such an idiot. I should've known. Now I only get 1 day off for this week. Although I am still paid, but I hate to think I wasted a day off. Why would anyone reject a chance to rest? Well, I didn't technically rejected it. I just didn't know I was off. So foolish.

Well, before I went off, I asked Taki to photocopy the time table for me so I know. Either way, I don't think I will be staying in Kino until May. I am planning to leave by the end of April. I have gathered almost all the experience Kino can throw at me. What I will go through in the following week are just repetitions and recurrences. I've done shrink wrapping, displaying, checking return, using the new programme in the computer, served tough customers, unwrapping books, packing, test scanning, backing, keep stocking, and gathering almost all the basic, or required, information about the whole organization and system of the book categorization. That's basically all a part timer like me can do. I think I will have gathered enough or more experience that I had expect to gain before the end of April.

Once I quit Kino, if my university applications has yet to reply, I will work somewhere totally different than as a librarian to gain new experiences. I am thinking promotion work in supermarkets or shopping malls. For now, I really hope I can start studying soon. I really miss studying.

Fitting In The Continent

2009-03-29T20:51:00.002+08:00

I have officially worked in Kinokuniya for one week. Although I had a hard time trying to adapt to it's environment, complaining that it was boring and all that, I am glad that my life has blended in with Kino's working life now. I found out alot of new stuff.

For instance, I found out that my friend was not in a good section, but in a different section. In his section, the people there are friendly upon encounter. In my section, the people are friendly after encounter. Hence, the people I am working with only becomes friendly when I get to know them. At first, stranger me was seemingly a trouble and unwelcomed, however, fact is, they were just shy. They did not know how should they start anything with me because I was as new to them as they were to me. So, now I can see some friendliness in the air as I worked longer. I found some new friends who would invite me for food with them. I get to listen to abit of the gossips going around on the internal.

Besides that, some of my principles were met during my working experience. I had labelled working in Kino as boring and tiresome because my expected events had not occured. However, I should have know, everything takes time. Yesterday, I found RM10 on the floor, and I picked it up and kept it in my pocket so fast, I hoped nobody saw it. Today, Soka, Taki, and Micheal was off. So I had to eat lunch alone. Until my aunt suddenly came and saw me. Then invited me for lunch together. How lucky.

During lunch, I switched on my phone and found that Teyi had came to Kino and wanted to have lunch together. I was so ashamed that I had to push her off on such a surprise visit because I had promised my aunt for lunch first. After eating, I went looking for her and met her friend. We chatted for a short while and she had to leave. As memories and true experiences are beginning to construct itself on this chapter of my life, I find myself forgiving all the repetitiously-boring-and-pointlessly-seeming work and appreciating the story. Even so, the pay is still absurdly low. Almost everyone agrees that the pay is ridiculous. I say almost because I havent asked everyone but those who I have told about all agree that I am underpayed.

Unfit For The Continent

2009-03-26T19:19:00.004+08:00

I guess even though I claim my return, I still hardly have the mood to blog. Or it could just be that I really don't have much to talk about anymore. I am bored everyday. I am working in Kinokuniya now. In my opinion, that is a very boring place to work. Everyday I am either arranging the shelves or rewrapping the books. All so that the customers can ask the book to be unwrapped, take the book, read, then misplace it. It is such a sickening, pointless, job (but, hey, I know, someone has to do it). That job is just not the right job for me at all, it goes against most of my principles in life. To make things worse, I am placed in the worst section of Kinokuniya. The Children section. A section where there are too many books for all the shelves to handle, and where the books are mostly very thin. Just arranging four two sided shelf can take two days, and I am told that that shelf needs to be rearranged every week. In addition, there will be new books coming in and the trolley has to be emptied on to the shelves as soon as possible so it wouldn't look "nice" with a trolley in the way. Not to forget that we have to rewrap opened books. And the ratio in Kinokuniya is 3 trolleys in 1 hour. If you are any slower, the trolleys, overloaded with books, will stack up and I would have eternity to keep up. For those who does not understand the fatality of the situation, for me, it took 3 hours to finish 3 trolleys, and I was already working the fastest I could at that time. Lastly, to top it all off, I am only earning RM5 per hour, minus everything, I am earning RM20 per day (not inclusive of EPF deduction). I could be working at the Naughty Shop in Times Square and earn more, but how would that look on my resume? what would my parents think? It makes me laugh everytime I imagined their reaction.

I know I should be appreciative that I even have a job for someone who has zero working experience, but, really, I am only so unhappy because I have not achieved my dream job. Or at least my dream progress of gaining work experience for that matter. This is totally off target. Everyone told me to just keep a blind eye and go through it for the experience because I will not be there forever. Damn right, I won't. I'm planning on leaving before my birthday.

I'm still new there. Everyone disappears during lunch time. I really have no idea where they went. I have 75 minutes break. I also eat alone. It. Is. So. Boring. I just can't wait to study. I truly prefer studying. I love to learn. I hate to do things where I am not enjoying myself and forcing myself to live through a dull life just to fit in to this world, this society's, system or believed scenario of life. Why does it have to be your way and not mine? Why does everyone has to follow one way of living? Work low, gain experience, earn money, no money, no food, no shelter, no nothing, hate work, hate this, hate that, support family, wait to die? If you go into a forest to forage food, you'd be caught for hunting without license or whatever law that the human invented upon the property of nature.

All in all, there isn't really anything serious to talk about. I guess I am just in a time of sadness because I am being told to follow this order, this rite of passage, which seems imminent in a man's life. There must be another path, there must be another way, some road which suits me, and I want to be on it. I guess I am just frustrated that I am not doing what I would feel comfortable doing, not being accepted by a university (yet) and can start studying like most people around me, and enjoying life the way I always pictured it. I need an opportunity.

I am a sad single guy, I know. But I am being honest about all my current emotions so to relieve myself off it. I bet many people have times when they were complaining, whining, or just unhappy about certain events during certain times of their life. And they didn't let it out and it stayed in there, sometimes so long to the point where they were neglected. Left to fossilise in the brain. Now I feel much better throwing out all these depressing thoughts. Though it doesn't change the fact, it changes the way I feel now, and probably my productivity at work tomorrow. Unlikely, but at least I didn't have to cope with this frustration for now.

Random #1

2009-03-19T16:06:00.003+08:00

And so I'm back.

Once in a while, I lose the mood to blog and find it utterly pointless. However, once in those whiles, I come across a blog which motivates me to reactivate my blog. As for this time, a girl's blog has invoked the dying flame in my heart to blog. Looking at the blog, I felt the urge to write again.

I was surprised to receive a call from Kinokuniya. But I didn't manage to answer it. Twice. The phone was ringing upstairs while I was rolling downstairs. A boulder was crushing on my chest. A boulder of worry. Not a very big boulder. About the size of a dog's head. I was afraid that they might think because they couldn't reach me, it was another way of saying I refuse the job offer.

Several hours later, they called again, fortunately. And I got the job! Hurrah! I'm starting next monday. For those who think I can help you buy books with employees discount, I am sorry to inform you that I am unable to do so. I have to work for more than 6 months there before I am entitled to such luxury. So, I went to Kinokuniya today to try out my uniform, then listened to a briefing on my duties. I wanted to stay and have lunch with Soka and Taki, but my mom came and I had to go.

Recently, I watched the favourite drama "1 Litre Of Tears". I know I'm quite late about it, but at least I get to watch it. It was a really inspiring, heart wrenching, tale of a 15 year old girl. Really worth watching. But the thing which surprises me most about the movie is the end of this girl's life. For your information, this drama is based on a book which was written by the girl herself. Basically, this is a true story. And at the end, it was mentioned the day she, Aya, passed away. 23rd May 1988. Here's the thing, my birthday is on the 23rd May 1989. I was born exactly one year after her death. I am not very superstitious about these "signs" but it was quite an interesting coincidence.

Scary, scary. . .

Luck Exist?

2009-03-16T21:42:00.002+08:00

Today felt like a lucky day. I didn't know where my luck was to present itself in reality, but I had a feeling, that given the opportunity, something great may happen. I thought maybe if I had went out, I might meet some new people. If I had done something, I might win something. However, since morning I was kept busy with cleaning the floor (vacuum and mop), ironing the clothes, and washing dishes. Around the afternoon, my mom was out having lunch with her friend. Hence, I had no transport to go out.

Later in noon, an unknown number called me. It was Kinokuniya asking me for an interview! I was thoroughly surprised. I had send my resume on the 6th of March. I was told that they would call me within a week. After 13th March, I had lost hope. I have a friend who send in his resume later than me but got a call earlier than me. I gave up and tried searching for other jobs. Unfortunately, society dont have much space for inexperienced people like me. Surprisingly, today, after 10 days, they gave me a call.

Another event occured in the evening. When my dad returned from work, he came in the door holding a letter for me. It was my SAT results. The letter which I have been patiently waiting for weeks! After that, I started thinking. Maybe today wasn't just a lucky day. It was the day where long awaited events arrive. That was the feeling I had in the morning. The feeling of receive.

I Don't Want To Be Unlucky Anymore

2009-03-03T21:01:00.003+08:00

Oh My Goodness.

I went to singapore two days ago. Came back yesterday. With a brand new phone!

I am so happy! Although i did not get the phone I aimed, which was Motorazr E8, but I still got something totally awesome. It was a LG phone that I dont see much advertising of in Malaysia. So I automatically assumed that I have a LG phone now which most Malaysians may not know of! Wow! How awesome is that!?

It hurts to abandon my 5 year old phone, so I decided to put my second SIM card in there. Now I am flooding whatever I used to dream about having in my phone into my new phone. Wow! A new phone. I can't believe this is not a dream.

On another topic, I am going to apply for a job in Kinokuniya. Probably work there for two or three months. Then I have to start preparing for University. Sad to say, most people I know either already got the sign of approval from their university, or are already studying in their respective university, while I am still applying. Meaning no university has yet to accept me. Will I be wasting this whole year and only start studying next year? I sure hope not or I will have screwed everything I ever lived for. On a side note, I have already screwed quite a big part already. Oh gosh, Im either very messed up or have terrible luck. Terrible terrible luck.

Epilogue

2009-02-20T15:44:00.003+08:00

This will be my last entry. I am not interested in blogging anymore. The mood has just gone and didn't come back. I will either leave this be or delete it when I feel like it. Which ever comes first. I do not feel the need to blurt out whatever happens to me, whine, complain or express anything and everything. No, I did not find a soulmate to transfer it upon. I just felt that it is unnecessarily. One could say that I've moved on from blogging.

So here's a review of my doings since I last blog which are worth the mention. I went to Singapore with friends, a trip without parents. It was just a two day one night trip. We had quite some fun walking around everywhere at random and sight seeing. The sight around 3 to 5p.m. were magical. I took them to Cathay Shopping Complex to eat Ben & Jerry, which by the way, one scoop of ice cream cost $5. But it was, worth it? Totally. Me and a friend went up to ICG and spoke to her. For those who don't remember, ICG stands for Ice Cream Girl. I am not sure if the one we talked to was the ICG I saw last time but she was good enough and if it wasn't her, she is now!

Her name is Jolene. No, not our Lim Jolene. This is a totally different Jolene who, apparently, has the same spelling of a name. She is a cute girl. Not to imply that our Lim Jolene is not cute. She is too. But I am not trying to compare them here. Don't put me in a bad position.

So, I was talking to this Jolene, and I didn't get anything out from that conversation. Sad. Sad, indeed. Now I will always be that-tourist-who-asked-for-directions guy from work.

On our last day, we went to Bugis Junction. We tried the arcade there. It was fantastic. Clean. Functional. Back home, I did not do anything.

Today, I went to school for a game of squash with the guys. Then we played for two hours in KLCC. Had McDonalds for lunch because it was cheaper on weekday lunch time. Came home. I learned a few interesting stuff today.

Nothing else worth mentioning. I guess, there hasn't been much going about in my life now, thus I stop blogging. That is incorrect. I just lost the interest altogether. Blogging isn't as fun as it used to be anymore. And my revolution? I screwed my revolution. I ate beef on the fourth day of chinese new year. All I can say now, before I leave, is that I am currently very interested in HaRa, Renoir, Hanging Out, Playing Sports with Friends, and Getting to Know People. The End.

So, I apologize to you who keeps up on my blog but you need not bother yourself anymore with my endless berrating for I am putting this is a quick end. Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight or day. Farewell. *sad, touching, music plays*

Ooh the drama!

Ok, Bye.

Tiffany's Tag

2009-02-03T21:04:00.003+08:00

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.
______________________________________________________
Name : Bryan See Tho

Sisters :0

Brothers : 1

Shoe size : No specific number. I just go with anything that fits.

Height : Don't know.

Where do you live : Ampang

Favourite drinks : Vanilla Coke, Cold water, Carrot Juice

Favourite breakfast : None. Not a breakfast person.

Have you ever been on a plane : Yes

Swam in the ocean : Yes

Fallen asleep in school: Yes

Broken someones heart : Regretfully, yes

Fell off your chair : Yes

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : No

Saved e-mails : No

What is your room like : Full of sentiments

What's right beside you : Thin air

What is the last thing you ate : Noodles

Ever had chicken pox : Don't remember

Sore throat : Yes

Stitches : No

Broken nose : No

Do you believe in love at first sight : Yes

Like picnics : Yes

Who was the last person you danced with : My dad

Last made you smile : My mom

You last yelled at : Don't remember

Talk to someone you like : (is that an order or a question?Im not sure)

Kissed anyone : No

Get sick : (order or question?)

Talked to an ex : (a proclamation of my past or an inquiry?)

Miss someone : Jessie and family

Do you sleep with stuffed animals : Yes

What's under your bed : Dust

Who do you really hate : People who gets in contact with HaRa

What time is it now : 21.15
______________________________________________________
RANDOMS

Q : Is there a person who is on your mind right now : Yes

Q : Do you have any siblings : 1

Q : Do you want children : Yes

Q : Do you smile often : Reasonably

Q : Do you like your hand-writing : Not entirely

Q : Are your toenails painted : No

Q : Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : HaRa's

Q : What colour shirt are you wearing : Red

Q : What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday : Going out for dinner with parents

Q : I can't wait to : study abroad, meet HaRa, meet Jessie and family, die famous.

Q : When did you cry: Don't remember

Q : Are you a friendly person: Sometimes

Q : Do you have any pets : Fish

Q : Where is the person you have feelings for right now : Korea, America, Malaysia, Singapore

Q : Did the last person you held hands with you mean anything to you now? : No

Q : Do you sleep with the TV on? : No

Q : What are you doing right now? : Answering a tag

Q : Have you ever crawled through a window?: No

Q : Can you handle the truth? : Yes

Q : Are you closer to your mother or father? : Mother

Q : Who was the last person you cried in front of?: Don't remember

Q : How many people can you say you've really loved? : 235 - and counting.

Q : Do you eat healthy? : Often

Q : Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? : Yes

Q : Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? : Don't remember

Q: How often do you go to church? : Rare

Q : If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? : Shafiq or my intellectual self.

Q : Are you loud or quiet most of the time? : Somewhere in between

Q : Are you confident? : Sometimes
______________________________________________________
THINGS YOU DID 10 YEARS AGO.
( 9 years old )
1. Made a friend cry when playing catch by touching him (no, not in the naughty way).
2. Threw a paper plane through a hole on a wall connecting my class to the class next door.
3. Unknowingly angered a classmate who takes revenge by saying my Vicks stinks.
4. Saw a classmate urinated in his pants and did nothing to help.
5. Failed my PTS.

5 SNACKS I ENJOY.
1. Ham
2. Cookies
3. Chocolates
4. Avocado
5. Potato Chips

5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED IN
1. Seremban, Negeri Sembilan
2. Ampang, Selangor
3. California, America
4. Chua Chu Kang, Singapore
5. Jurong, Singapore

5 JOBS I HAVE HAD
1. Hamper and flower delivery for my mom's company
2. Numbered Pillars of a Melaka Bridge Plan for my uncle
3. Author of Weekly Splash in my secondary school
4. President of a mid-autumn event in TARC
5. Part-time chef of my house when mother goes on vacation

5 lucky person i choose to tag is
Su Yin, Ling Fan, Shino, Puteri, Lengar

Tuts My Barreh (Epic!)

2009-02-02T22:42:00.002+08:00

My Chinese New Year Diary.

On January 25th, I had a reunion dinner in some classy restaurant at my uncle's area.

January 26th, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone. Received more red packets than last year. At the same uncle's house. I did not gamble. But I progressed socially with my cousins.

January 27th, party at my house. Even some of the uncles from my maternal side came. I did not gamble. It was very merry everyday.

January 28th, supposed to be at Kuantan on this day. Unfortunately, Sadly, Disappointingly, Regretfully, the trip was cancelled last minute - and I do stress last minute - due to some complications. Most of the members were either very busy or can just stay there for one night. Seeing as it was pointless to continue since no one would enjoy themselves, it was more worthwhile to cancel the trip, than spend it with the mood spoiler waiting to jump out.

My Favourite Pot Among The Rest.
January 29th, went out to Pavilion to watch All Well End Well 2009 with family. Went to uncle house. Played with his pet Labrador, which was just 6 months old and super fun to play with. Dinner at Puchong, in a very classy restaurant. Ate "Buddha Jump Over The Wall". It was awesome. The soup was sweet and delicious. The slice of abalone was unique. The others were fantastic. After dinner, we went to another uncle's house. This time I gambled. And it was one heck of a gamble. It was full of laughter and fun. We had a thing called investment which was the cause of all the havoc and noise.

January 30th, went out to KLCC with Edte and his friends. I only know three people out of the ten there. Lots of strangers but not for long. Had Pizza Hut for lunch. Watched Bride Wars, which in my opinion, was a terribly made movie. A waste of film, I would say. I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, but I am very particular when it comes to movies. Bride Wars had the wrong and immature look in the moral of the story and the plot does not make much sense. It portrays an absurd level of immaturity in adults. The storyline was illogical and dull.

We saw Taki in Kinokuniya. Talked to him a bit. Then went home. I ordered delivery for dinner. My brother was out. My parents were out.

January 31st, went to Cheras Leisure Mall with my brother. Ate S&W. Saw a girl from my lecture there but forgotten her name. Didn't get to call her as my mouth was full of my Supreme Dog. Went to buy some game disc. Bought three games. Two is playable but third one's a mess. Out of the two, one is perfect while the other requires a stronger computer. The three games were FIFA 2009, Bully: Scholarship Edition, and Mirror's Edge (the faulty one). Bought some stuff, and headed home.

February 1st, went to fetch Soka from his house at 11.49a.m. Then went to TBR and met up with Edte. Had lunch together. Played DoTA and L4D in klcc for four hours. Some weird guy suddenly talked to us and played everything with us. It would just be some guy if it weren't for his behavior of talking to himself. Later we changed to another klcc, Tbun. Played DotA and Zuma. Teyi called Edte and we went to fetch her. We were all in my car.

We were late to Mr.Yap's house. Or so we thought. The others were later. No actual gambling took place. Except for one time when we gambled to see who will eat the last 7 'tong yuen'.

Mr.Yap introduced to us two of his teachers and they taught us very valuable lessons in life. One emphasized on discipline, while the other on untaught requirements to success. We saw then how Mr.Yap was shaped into who he is now.

At 12 midnight, the other girls went home. Me, Edte, Soka, Teyi, Chen Ping and Mr.Yap went to Chen Ping's house. There we stayed for 30 minutes and gambled 20 minutes before heading home. The time seems odd, doesn't it? There were indeed some complications and I had to leave early. I apologized to everyone and then we all went home.

I fetched Edte to TBR to get his car. He fetched Teyi home. I fetched Soka home, and then went home myself. I reached home around 1.15a.m. Went online for a while before I slept.

Forgive me for being so darn brief about everything. But I had to summarize everything because this is a post of 1 week events and I seem to have a bad memory to elaborate on this week particularly, for unknown reason(s).

Clockwise from Top: CQ,SY,TIFF

We Formed A Circle to Gamble but didnt.

Top From Left: Edte, SY, TIFF, Chen PING, YK
Middle From Left: CQ, YuYan, Mr.Yap, LeNgar, Pei Hwa
Bottom From Left: BryanST

Playground Images.
We were playing in the playground because Mr.Yap was talking to his friend and ignoring us. He kept telling us he will tend to us in a minute but it was never literal.

I prefer the see saws without springs.

Chen Ping was forced to sit in this tight thingy and posed so by the girls.

CQ and Pei Hwa having fun with the swing(Duh!). I intend to take a moving picture of her as though it was a ghost, since it was night and she had long hair and all. But I failed. Though, I have to admit, CQ looks much better with long hair.

YuYan and SY on see saw.

That is all the pictures I took on Sunday. I wished I had took more but I didn't.

Funny Video My Brother Showed Me.

I may be the only ignorant who haven't watched this yet but still I have to advertise it in my blog. This is such a funny, yet creepy, video. Title of video is "Korean Boy sings Touch My Body by Mariah Carey.

Sat SAT

2009-01-24T22:49:00.002+08:00

The alarm clock was scheduled to beep me up at 5.49a.m. And it did. I jumped out from my bed and went down to steam my pau. I went up to shower and took my bag. Two cousin stayed overnight to fetch me to Metropolitan College for my SAT Reasoning Test. My parents were in Singapore, bringing my brother back home. They left around 1a.m. in the morning and is expected to arrive home around 6 or 7a.m. depending on traffic at the immigration.

I reached Metro College around 7.30a.m. Walked up to the notice board and found my classroom. I noticed alot of Korean and European students. There were local people too but the ratio was uncommon, at least to me it was. In fact, there were alot of students taking the SAT. Naturally, I looked around to find 'the beauty within'.

The test lasted from 8a.m. to 1.05p.m. It was tiring and slightly annoying. I was told to copy down some agreement and then put my signature on it. Where I am under signed contract not to discuss or talk about any of the essay topics and question through any means of communication including email, text messaging, and through the internet. But I am not here to discuss the difficulties or solution to any question I faced in the test. I am more interested in discussing the paranoia within SAT.

The calculator has to remain under the desk when no math questions are to be answered. No food or bottle should be under the desk. Use No.2 pencils only or score might be cancelled. 5 minute breaks. No talking about the question during that. You can only walk in the corridor and to the toilet. No handphone. Found with handphone even if not used will cause cancellation of scores and confiscation of phone for INVESTIGATION!? Signed contract so that we can't talk or discuss about the questions or essay topics. How paranoid can they be? If it is some super secret test, they should've just conducted it underground. At least then the secrecy would make more sense to me. Everything was so specific and direct and narrow in the test and throughout the test. Its as though they fear that the student will find a way, or even want to find one, to cheat or debate the efficiency or discover a loop hole in the rule allowing them to cheat, or in other words, conduct the test dishonestly. How annoying.

After the test, I went for lunch with my cousins. Then went home, showered, and slept till 5p.m. My dad took us out for dinner with my uncle and his family. During our meal, it rained slightly. Oddly, I found eating in a little rain comforting. We finished fast and went home. Watched Ip Man with my brother. Nothing much after that. Just the internet and me, then the bed. Seems like an ordinary day. But not for long.

Reunion dinner tomorrow night. Another whole day of angpau collecting and house visiting on Monday. Party at my house on Tuesday. Kuantan trip from Wednesday to Friday. Hopefully I have some free time on Saturday. Sunday going to Mr.Yap, my mathematics teacher, house with friends. Busy Chinese New Year. May the Year of the Ox bring me good luck. That sounds so lame. I will make my own luck. That sounds even more lame. I should stop.

Sit SAT

2009-01-22T19:11:00.002+08:00

I slept late on Tuesday night, defending the ancient with Thho and his friends. Which explains why I woke up late yesterday morning. Usually, there is no such thing as waking up late since I do not have anything to be on time for. However, yesterday I was supposed to be at TAR College by 7.45a.m. to meet Edte, Taho, and Soka. I felt so bad that I rushed there, arriving around 10a.m.

I met up with them in our secret base. They were playing cards. Later, I walked into Ms.Hwang's office and asked for my User ID and Password to view my A-levels results. Edte told me that she might scold me for losing the letter which has the User ID and Password. I had lost the letter several days after I received it. Fortunately, she was less aggresive than I imagined. She sent me to Ms.Cherry and a few seconds later, my results were printed on a piece of regular white A4 paper. I had 2As, 2Bs, and a C. I had wished to get at least 3As; I guess I didn't work hard enough. I got As for Biology and Chemistry, Bs for Mathematics and General Paper, and C for Physics. I expected better for Physics.

The four of us then went for an early lunch at TBR. Only Soka and Edte ate. Then we drove to Danau Kota's Tbun Cyber Cafe. Edte told me she had saw Teyi around the area before. So I called her and asked her out for lunch. Teyi's lunch break was at 1p.m. and we were in the CC at 12p.m. So we had to wait for an hour. Having nothing better on our mind to pass the time, we decided to find a quiet restaurant and play cards. We walked around and finally found a really quiet place. We were the only table. We ordered some drinks and played Big Two. After three games, Teyi called and we went over to a chinese restaurant to meet her.

We defended the ancient in the CC for three hours. Earlier, we planned to play Left 4 Dead. Unfortunately, there was no such game in that CC. We were disappointed. I was disappointed. At 5p.m. we went to Edte's sister's school to pick her up. Then dropped her off at the train station where she will ride to KL center to be fetched by her mom. Taki was to call us when he gets off work. Since there were time before he could reach us, we decided to go play Left 4 Dead in the TBR Orange CC. We spent more than an hour to reach the final chapter in the campaign. We could've finished the campaign but I told them to stop because we should be picking Taki up.

Taki arrived around 7.30p.m. He was dressed in a long sleeved blue shirt and a tie. Soka said he looked like our father. We went to a chinese restaurant in Sentul. I had asked my father to booked a table for us earlier since I didn't have the restaurant's number. There were Tofu, vegetables, squid and prawn, and fried chicken wings. The funny part was the vegetables. My father ordered the "Four Big Sky King"(direct translation), which had Petai as one of the kings. Edte, apparently, never tried Petai before. I told him it was nice. He tried it and felt disgusted by the taste. So much that he gulped the tea to swallow it whole. As for the Squid and Prawn, most of us didn't like it, Edte was the only one who ate it. Well, Taki did eat one and I forced myself to eat one, mainly because Edte had already ate six.

The night was young, it was 9.30p.m, we had to decide where to go or be sentenced for home. I said I could only think of Left 4 Dead. Having no other opinion, we went back to Orange CC in TBR. This time Taki and I played as the survivors, while the others played as the zombies/monsters. One hour later, Taki left. Then the four of us played the campaign again, because we didnt finish it previously. It took us an hour and a half to finish the campaign. It was very fun. Our teamwork was quite good eventhough it was our second time playing it. We enjoyed startling the witch the most and see who gets caught before killing it. It was so intense, we were screaming at each other. The most hilarious was when I was down and needed help, two of my friends came to help me. Another friend was down as well and was yelling for help. My two friends were so caught up in reviving me that they hadn't heard him screaming. In the end, he died and only then we heard him asking for help. We laughed so hard.

We went our ways by 11.30p.m. Edte fetched me home. I reached home around 12a.m. I think he reached home around 1a.m. At home, I showered and read my study book for an hour and more before going to sleep.

Tomorrow my dad will be leaving the house early with my mom. They will be going to Singapore to fetch my brother back. There was no need for such special treatment, but since my dad had work in Johor so he thought he'd bring back my brother as well. Saves bus money. As for me, I have to suffer in nervousness and study all I can for my SAT on Saturday. There is really no point for me in studying this because I was either ending up in Singapore or Malaysia in the end. I needn't the SAT for either. No pressure. However, I am feel stressed because of the amount of money my dad payed to let me do this test and also he had told me that I had better score high points because the test cost USD70. I hope it will not be as tough as I expected. I hope I will be on form on that day. I hope I can be calm and just let things flow. I hope I can forget all that is at stake and all the reasons that pressures me while I am doing the test. I hope all will be well.

Who Are You To Say Such Things

2009-01-08T19:57:00.002+08:00

There isn't much to blog about since I haven't been doing much about my life. Just sitting around and not living my life. It triggered me the other day when I went to Mid Valley to watch Yes Man with Edte and JW that I need to start living my life than wasting time at home sitting infront of the computer from dawn till dusk reading mangas and playing games. I am no different than Carl in Yes Man saying no to everything and rather sit home alone watching videos. I should start appreciating my youth and my time and go do something fun and memorable. Gain some experience and live my life.

However, I had just had my toe operated so I can't do much for now. It was supposed to be tend to on Monday but there were some difficulties so I had just done it today. Today was the big one because it was going to be an all-out battle with my problem, which, hopefully, will not return. To emphasize the intensity of the all-out, I had four injection of anaesthetic, each about 1.5cm apart forming almost a square. Anyway, I will not elaborate further for the same reason I did not take any pictures and post it up here. Though I think it wouldn't matter because I feel like this blog is some how deserted. Either that or readers are just window shopping.

I have something to think about. Maybe my readers can pop in their opinions on the comment section or my chatbox. The theory of the existence of mankind was either by God, Evolution, or Whatever. But there isn't much about the study of how the first man and woman preserved mankind. Primitive age existed, there were evidence. However, the methods of communication were not fully confirmed as there was no one with a tape recorder when the prehistorical men were talking. How did man meet woman? Did they discover the proper way of reproduction by chance or trial-and-errors? How was the first sexual intercourse initiated? Did love had anything to do with it before they doink each other? I know that once fertilization occurs, whatever happens within the 9 months and after birth is purely by a mother's instinct. Yes, I believe in a mother's instinct. So, yes, I should believe that all my question could be answer by instinctive behavior. But the relationship between a mother and her child is completely different than the woman and the man. Alot has to foster between the adults for such a sacred thing to occur, where as, the child and the mother is already a sacred thing itself. What if the first man and woman didn't have feelings for each other? I know they have their whole lifetime to form a relationship but, remember, they are only fertile between age 16 to age 50. After that the woman has her menopause and the man hell's wrath. Alright, it seems possible to gain something for each other within 34 years of having nothing much to do. Well, anyway, my aim is to hear some opinions, ideas or stories about what might or have happened in the first generation of mankind to grow into the point of over-population. How did it started? How did anything started, for that matter? I am interested in the beginning of things.

And I Resolve. . .

2009-01-04T23:44:00.003+08:00

School is starting and everyone is getting busy. I am not. I am wandering in my circular path oblivious to which direction I shall head. There were several attempts to find the suitable path but as it turns out I discovered that it is the paths that finds me. Hence, I am yet to be chosen by any path.

I just watched 1408. A movie based on a novel by Stephen King, starring John Cusack and Samuel Jackson. I was expecting it to be some thriller movie but it turns out to be a horror movie. I was disappointed. Though it was still a rather scary movie, no doubt about it. Especially when you watch it alone at night from 10 to 11.50pm in the ambience of a quiet living room in the cold dark night. However, I was disappointed because I was aiming to watch a thriller movie. Not a horror movie. Thriller movies gives the viewers a sense of fear. A haunting thought that whatever happened in the movie is quite likely to be experienced by oneself. In a horror movie, one gets the fear in the moment and is probably haunted by it for, at most, three days. This is because the likeliness of it occuring to anyone is rather low, in comparison to what happens in thriller movies.

After watching the movie, I still feel shaken from it. I realized myself paying more attention to every movement as though motivated by an unknown force. My vision were shaken and my heart was fearful. Every step I made up the stairs felt heavier and heavier. As I wipe my face in a towel, I had the feeling that once the towel was removed from my sight, something will pop up and scare me with a loud drum beat in the background for emphasis. When I saw the towel swinging slightly after I had let it go, I thought it was moved by unseen forces. As I leaned away from the sink after brushing my teeth, I felt as though a charred corpse will slide out and scare me. These are the effects of a horror movie. Though temporary but it inflicts a certain fear to the conscious.

On another topic, I would like to express my dislike towards afternoon naps. Sometimes when my drowsiness gets over me, I sleep, and wake up feeling groggy and even more tired than before. I hate that feeling. It makes it harder for me to move around and think straight or get in the mood for anything. Grogginess is a sickness and it prevents me from doing anything but sleep. I don't understand how people cope with afternoon naps. I could've done alot of things and do it easier without the side effects of an afternoon nap. If I was planning to sweep the floor, it would be so much more easier to do it than doing it after a nap. My body feels extra heavy and my mind is not encouraging or supportive at all if I do anything after a nap. Napping is a total time waster. It annoys me. I try to nap as least as possible everyday. Somedays when I am over-bored or exhausted, I could'nt control myself but sleep. On stronger days, even after a tiring workout, I can overcome the temptation of the sofa or the bed or the floor.

I noticed that I have not written my resolution for the year 2009. Here goes;

Bryan's 2009 Resolution

1. Do not eat beef from the beginning of Chinese New Year to the next in respect to the Year Of The Ox.

2. Try to get my toe injury fixed before going out to study. I am doing my, hopefully, final surgery tomorrow at 10.30a.m. This one will be a more painful and long procedure than any I've had before, said the doctor. Hopefully this will settle my problem once and for all.

3. Go see a Dentist. Though I hate to see them but I'd have to make sure all is well before I go study anywhere.

4. Get a new phone. Preferably a MOTOROKR E8.

5. Get accepted into the university I want studying what I want.

6. Being Happy.

7. Do, at least, one charitable work.

8. Take a picture with a female celebrity.

9. Create a new weird recipe.

10. Socialize more.

11. Pat a cow on the head.

12. Make a friend drink something weird (Hope this won't affect number 10 negatively).

13. Pee straight without messing around.

14. Be the way I want to be but not the way I am being.

15. Hug a big statue.

16. Catch a fly or mosquito while it is flying in mid air with my bare hands.

17. Care for myself more.

18. Make a girl laugh. . .genuinely.

19. Be more hardworking.

20. Go on an outing with a group of 7 or more people,not including me.

As of turning 20 this year on May 23, I will try to accomplish some-if not all-of what I resolve to do this 2009.

Dawn Of A New Beginning

2009-01-01T00:37:00.004+08:00

Another year has come and gone. From 2009 and onwards, counting by the first second struck by the 12 o'clock, I am no longer a teenager. I am hitting adulthood sooner than I had expected. Though I may not be able to cope with this new change, as I am still very much intact with my teenager side, there will be abundance of obstacles ahead where I need to overcome with the maturity and decisiveness of an adult. Living skills. Social life. Making the right choices. Independent. All I can do now is look back and smile on the memories I had when I was younger, the stuff I could do when I was younger. What seemed cute then, looks weird now if repeated. This is an inevitable phenomenon. As a human, I am forced to adapt.

Season One: The Expression And Impressions of Bryan See Tho has ended. I calculated it's finale to be on the 100th post, but 90th post will do just fine. In this beginning of Season Two: The Sky Is Not The Limit, The Limit Is The Sky, I will try to write more interesting post and put more pictures. I may also write longer than Season One, hence the title. For your information, I do not browse through the internet to find my background and headers. Everything you see is done by yours truly here. I took the background when I was in Langkawi. It was perfect for my Dawn Of A New Beginning theme. As for the header, I was unprepared for it so I browsed through my collection of Sky Photos and just select the one I think would look best in a panoramic view to behave as a suitable header. The same goes for Season One. Except that I drew the background in Season One and took three photos combined together up at my Aunt's condominium to make the header.

Lastly, I would like to wish every reader a very Happy 2009. May all your resolutions be achieved and not all your wishes come true but enough to keep you running. Have a happy life and smile always. If you've had a good year, you can expect some pretty fucked up luck around the end of the year. My luck hasn't been superb throughout 2008, it was mostly smooth and calm. Once equilibrium hits in, I had the worst two days of my life as described on my last two post. So, becareful if you're having too much luck, it may come back on you and come back hard. Anyway, have a great year and I hope I was just bullshitting and there is no certainty that bad luck will come after good luck.

Before I end, I would like to state that in Season Two, my blog will be more open to profanity in use to fully elaborate the extremity or intensity of a situation, an adjective, or noun. This is not a proclaimation of reigning profanity but rather just a notification of my new less restricted post. So I would suggest those who are too young or unable to handle profanity to refrain from reading my blog. Parental Guidance suggested for those below 12. Though I am pretty sure that most children below 12 are already exposed to more scary words than I know of.

Merry Go Round Christmas 2: The Continuity of Unfortunate Events

2008-12-26T22:11:00.003+08:00

Due to the consecutive series of terrible luck occuring for these two days, I've instinctively branded the week as an overall bad week. Though two days are not sufficient to back up the hypothesis of the whole week being unpleasant, but the intensity of emotional mess I'm in was enough to made my confused mind decide on that conclusion.

After yesterday's murder, today I commited more crime. This time a crime against humans and a crime against those I love. A crime against myself and a crime against technology. It was full of fun initially. I played badminton for an hour more with Soka, Edte, and Taho. Then we went to KLCC and played Meteor and Counter Strike Condition Zero.

The terrible things happened to me as I was going to Soka's house. Very bad things occured. I got very much depressed after it. I felt terrible. Disasterous. Catastrophic. Suicidal. Well not suicidal as in I am really going to commite suicide. Suicidal as in I felt so sad to the point of sadness that defines suicidal. I hated myself. I felt like I deserved to be hated. I had betrayed myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like changing my identity.

Later in the evening, I talked to Mr.Q. Usually when I talk to him, I would feel better very fast. But this amount of bad luck impact on me was not going to leave after one talk. I was feeling a bit better but still not alright. After dinner, I talked to him again, and it was then, I began to feel better. I started to relax and let the things that has already happened behind. I gradually stopped lingering over the matter. I was relaxing myself bit by bit.

My luck hasn't really been on my side since yesterday. I do hope tomorrow will be a better day. I do hope that today's intensity of misfortune will be used up and no more such events would occur to damage me in the future. Tomorrow is a brand new day and I want it to start with very good luck. I just want a reason to laugh and smile. Being alive is surely something to be happy about. Though being happy does not always relate to how the life is lived. Some people have it bad and being alive may not be something to laugh about. However, it really is the bad things that occur in life that are not something to be happy about. So, basically, one can still smile just because one is alive. I am not seeking for that smile. I want to smile and laugh over something good which happened in my life. I want my heart to beat in a different tune and my blood to flow in a rhythm. I want my skin to tingle and I want my mind to illuminate. I want to pursue my happyness.

(P.S: KLCC Food Court is terrible. Don't eat there. Well, not all stalls are terrible. But the thing that is bad about them are the price of food. They over-price everything. Sometimes they get carried away with the over-pricing and become nonsense-pricing. However, you may put Mc Donalds out of the picture. Although it is in the food court, but Mc Donald prices are standard. Can't complain about that.)

Merry Go Round Christmas

2008-12-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

I remember the best christmas I had was when I was 8 years old and in America. I had a snow filled christmas for the first time and played with real snow for the first time. Second time playing snow in my life was in Korea back in 2006. But that was not a snow filled adventure, just half a day of playing with snow. So my best christmas experience in my 19 years of life is definitely the one in America, where we slide down snowy hills on a wok-like slide, made a small snowman and sex changed it to a snow woman by adding a pair of breast, and learning to make a snowball.

The worst christmas I've had in my life so far is this christmas. Not last christmas because I didn't give anyone my heart and she took it away. Just a brief moment of lyrics. Sorry. Anyway, this year I had the worst christmas of all because of several things. It can be much more worst but it didn't so this is rated as the worst now. I shall begin the story from dawn. . .

My paternal uncle came from Negeri Sembilan last night. They were going to sleep over in my house because we were going out to FRIM together for a morning exercise today. So I gave them my room and I slept in the guest room. The thing is, I don't know why we still call it the guest room when I am always offering my room to the guest. Basically, we try to make a good impression of our rooms to the guest. I say this because the guest room sucks. I have had multiple experience sleeping in the guest room because guest sleep in my room. And I can never have a good nights sleep whenever I'm in that room. Not because of any mentally-related issue. But the bed in that room is just too darn uncomfortable and the room is too darn hot. If the room were to be air conditioned, it would be too darn cold because it is a small room. Generally, the room sucks.

So I got about 3-4 hours of sleep only. I woke up at 6a.m. in the morning. I slept on the way to FRIM. For one, I did not know that today was christmas until several friends send me christmas message at 12a.m. midnight. Thank you all for the messages. So, the hiking was fine. No problems with my physique.

Everything went well until the 'Guilt' occured. We were resting at a check point while waiting for the others to arrive so we could start going down hill together. I was walking around the check point while waiting. I become restless when I'm sweaty. I was looking at some signboards. Suddenly, I felt like I step on something hard, I thought it was just a twig or a rock. So I just relaxed my foot down further just like anyone would when standing. CRACK! WHOA! FUCK! What was that!? A potato chip!? I took my foot away, and there it was. An insect. A big fat black centipede type of worm with a hard crunchy exoskeleton. And I had unintentionally crushed it's shells! My stomach tighten and my heart stopped momentarily. I felt so sorry looking at it. It was still alive, crawling into a crevice with a broken back. It left a trail of clear liquid and I felt even more guilty. I wanted to say sorry but would it understand?

I could still feel the crunch of its bones on my feet as I was walking down hill. I couldn't walk properly. I kept feeling that painful sorry feeling on my feet. I had commited a sin on christmas day. No I am not a christian but I still feel terrible after hurting that innocent insect. The insect is most probably dying. Some pieces of its shell must've pierced through his soft inside and went out on the other side. Soon it will bleed to death. The more I thought, I worse I felt.

As I was walking down hill, suddenly a bug flew towards me, directly. I managed to avoid a direct hit in the chest but the bug hit my right hand as I evaded. It was a fat flying bug. I thought, "Could it be his friend? Are they avenging him? I didn't mean to hurt his friend. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve to walk in this forest anymore. I have betrayed nature. I am now on their wanted list. Unaccepted. I should not come anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore." Thus, as I was scurrying down hill, I kept my head down and avoid stepping on any insect I saw. I managed to avoid crushing a few ants I saw in my path while I might have killed if I wasn't careful.

I guess the reason I felt so guilty about hurting the worm was because of it's size. It was rather fat. So the feeling on my foot was intense. The impulse pierced my heart and spilled the guilt. Also because I saw it crawling painfully leaving a trail of its blood. It made me feel like a murderer. A sadist. If it was a really small worm, I wouldn't have noticed anything and not feel so guilty, sad to say, but that is the truth. What a way to start christmas day, isn't it? Killing innocent life. Sarcastically spoken.

My appetite was gone so I ate very little. Then we went home and I showered quickly. Later Sui Chai came and I played with him for a long time. Sui Chai is my neighbour's cat. I am not sure what type of cat is he but he is white with black paws, as though he is wearing black gloves, and a black tail. I am not sure what is he called next door but when he comes to my house, he is Sui Chai. He is still a teenager cat so he is hyperactive, funny, and friendly. So friendly that he walks into my house and runs around sniffing at everything.

He is very fun to play with. I like to stroke his head a lot. My neighbour releases their cat at ease and he always comes to my house when they let him out the cage. He loves to run around my garden at first, chasing anything that is flying and singing with the birds (Yes, I don't get that part either but he does meow gently as though singing when a bird chirps above a tree branch in my garden). But nowadays he loves the indoors. He enters the house whenever the door is left open, even by a bit. He especially loves to play with the curtains and table cloth. Anything that moves is something to play with. When I move my leg or my hand, he will come running towards me to claw and bite them. It doesn't hurt but it gets annoying when he keeps clawing and biting when you are trying to do something. It was fun to have Sui Chai around, though.

Surprisingly enough, my parents don't seem to mind Sui Chai. He runs around the house, sits near them, and all, and they don't mind at all! Usually they would shoo the cat away or use some beating equipments to intimidate them. But for Sui Chai, they just don't care. Maybe it's because they know they don't have to feed it or bath it or scoop its poo and Bryan loves it.

Later we went out for lunch and then had a walk in the Curve and IKEA. Nothing much there. We had dinner at home. Spaghetti with tomato sauce. Nothing else happened.

That is why today is the worst christmas I've had so far. No party, no decoration, no turkey, and killing innocent life! What type of christmas am I celebrating here? The sadistic-anti-christmas celebration? I know there is a frown somewhere in this paragraph. Yes, I know turkeys are for thanksgiving. But hear me out. In my family - if not the whole Malaysia - Thanksgiving is not so much of a celebration in comparison with Christmas. And my family loves turkey. We want to eat turkey. So Christmas is our best excuse for a celebration of food and turkey. At the same time, turkey, to us, is associated with the western. Thus, we need a western celebration for an excuse to serve this western chicken. Can't accept it? Then just let it be.

So basically this is the worst christmas because we are actually skipping it to do some ordinary things we can do anytime of any week. Worst because there wasn't any to begin with. We didn't even wore santa hats eventhough I asked to get some. A bad celebration would be a celebration nonetheless and is anyway better than no celebration.

Why Have All Women Gone Crazy!?

2008-12-15T22:39:00.002+08:00

This is not a stereotypical proclaimation but rather an expression of frustration towards the certain common trait sensible to only the female, and I do stress the 'only', which confuses the brainworks of the male most of the time, by most of the opposite sex - there, no stereotype.

One may realize that I have been writing less since, well most would say, when A-levels ended. I had lost the mood to write since the interest was fading. And the interest began to fade several weeks ago. Also I had quite a few vacation during the holidays. And now my back hurts. Anyway, there are a few topics I would like to write about, not only to compensate for my rare entries, also to just write out what has been in my mind these days.

My first topic is about hypersensitivity. Sure, being sensitive is good, it brings out the gentle in men and like in lady. However, hypersensitivity is a whole new terrifying level of sensitive. Hypersensitive is when a person over-reacts to a certain situation or story s/he faces. The form of over-reaction does not limit itself to action, but most often occurs in the mind. The genre of hypersensitivity I face is conclusive thinking. I have talked about the causes and effects of conclusive thinking many times before in some of my previous entries. For the sake of recall, conclusive thinking is when a person concludes a certain hypothesis or assumption constructed in one's mind without further investigation or concrete evidence to prove the hypothesis or assumption. Hypersenstivity is one of the factor which promotes conclusive thinking.

For example, Dolleen and her daughter,Maureen, were in the car. Dolleen asked Maureen whether is she would like to follow her to the furniture shop to check out some tables. Like most teenagers, Maureen didn't want to go see some boring furniture. Dolleen got annoyed that she received such unpleasant answers from her daughter, because she liked furniture so she thought her daughter should too. Dolleen then agreed to just go home. Maureen noticed how unhappy it made her mother, so she changed her mind and agreed to go see furniture. Then Dolleen felt like she had forced her child to follow her, so she said no and that they are going home. Maureen wanted to go to the shop now. Dolleen wanted to go home now. But Dolleen was clearly mad. Maureen was forced to be the guilty one.

Hypersensitivity is something needed to be controlled. It locks up logical thinking and fires an individual with unnecessary anger. Without a strong considerate mentality, one would be self-centered and likely to harm other's feelings. It will soon eat one up and cause one to think that the world revolves around one and that his feelings, his desires, and his requirements are all that matters and should be considered by all around one. A method of controlling hypersensitivity is by asking the right questions in our mind each time we feel unhappy about something. For the above example, Dolleen should ask herself, "Did I state clearly the importance of what I wanted to do?" , "Did I expressed my question in full without causing any misunderstanding or lack of information?" , "Did I consider her feelings and respect before anything?".

My second issue is related to parents. Have you ever had your parents say they will give you some sort of privilege which they will just take away when you want to use it? I am pretty sure you had even if you didn't know it. Parents do it all the time. It is either because they have so much to worry and busy about that they become forgetful about the privileges they bestow upon us or that they just enjoy giving false promises. They have no right to say they don't enjoy doing false promises because why would someone do something they don't enjoy? I know you may say it happens and then give me some examples of people not enjoying something they do often, but think about it clearly and deeper and you'll see that, in a way, they are enjoying it.

For example, Maureen was scolded by her parents for playing computer games before her examination. Her parents said, "Stop playing and go study. You can play as much as you want after the exam. Exam is more important now." There it is. The promise or privilege they give you. Play as much as you want after the exam. When exam is over, Maureen plays her computer games. Then her parents say,"Why are you always hogging around that computer game? Go find some work to do or. . . ."

Parents will nag you whether you like it or not. Though the promise was made, but it doesn't mean when you are doing what you were given the privilege to do, they will not harass you to the point you don't feel like doing what you could do. In other words, it is their scheme of false promises, or the curse of forgetfulness. Therefore, as children, we should start standing up for what they say. Reminding them of the promises they made. Let them know, as role models, they should be a man (or woman) of their words. Do not let them treat words like chewing gum - take it, taste it, throw it.

My last topic is about suicide. In case you are a conclusive thinking reader or a self-imaginary-absorbed individual, I will state it clearly to you that I am merely expressing some opinions on that matter and not declaring to act the matter. If not, then happy reading you mature reader.

I think a person who suicides is not necessarily a person who is mentally unbalanced or psychotic. For a person to resolve to suicide, s/he must have a perfectly logical reason which is beyond most of the people's mind. S/he must have thought through it and the best way to end one's life was through suicide. The mind of a person who thinks of suicide is a mind not understood by those who don't. The sympathy is not present as the normal does not have the experience which would allow one to understand the action of the suicidal. When the understanding and the logic is in their minds, one may even think it is logical for the person to jump off a building. One may think that someone could help that person. How much are you willing to go through for a total stranger who is about to jump? If not as much as it takes, then why would you expect someone to do anything you won't?

Suicide has always been associated with stupidity. However, it is the ones who do not fully receive the situation of the suicidal who is the stupid one. Suicide is not something that is so easy to do and crazy people do it all the time. Suicide is when one betray's body, one's religion, and one's feelings of those who care for them. However, for a person who is planning to suicide, it must be that something has pushed him/her to the point where suicide would be the best option to prevent further disrespect and pain to the person's body and life. Though, I stated earlier that this is on behalf of the suicidal by sane argument and not on behalf of the suicidal by insane types.

There are many more thoughts swirling around my mind but I will not talk further for it may upset many people as they could be conflicting their beliefs, against their principles, or betraying their trust. It takes a lot to be able to accept another's beliefs and opinion without trying to convince them over to our own beliefs and opinions. So, I shall stop here for this entry.

Though if you still want somemore, I will give you a sneak peek of a common well-known issue in my mind. Selfish act or truly noble? For you or for me?

Thank you for reading.

Damn That Cable Car

2008-12-09T22:56:00.006+08:00

I have returned from my Langkawi trip. Not that anybody misses me. It'd be nice to have one though. Anyway, I 'defended the ancient' until 1.30a.m. on Saturday night. Then I had to wake up at 5a.m. on Sunday morning. I woke up by myself without anyone or an alarm. Mainly because the bed I slept in was very uncomfortable. I was sleeping in the guest room because Ah Yee and her family had come up to Kuala Lumpur (KL) for vacation, and I offered them my room, which has two beds incase you were worried if three had to share one bed.

Saturday morning, we left the house around 6a.m. in two taxi. It took about an hour or less to reach LCCT, the airport terminal. While my father checked-in the baggages, we had breakfast in McDonalds. I never really liked McDonalds for breakfast. No offence but I find McDonalds very untalented in breakfast participation. I'd accept them for lunch and thats all there is.

After breakfast, we met up with my uncle and his daughters, entered the waiting room and waited for the plane. It did not took long before the plane arrived. We boarded the AirAsia airbus and sat near the wings. There were 9 of us. The flight was about an hour long. I slept through most of it. I was sleep-deprived. Upon arrival, my uncle went to get us a car. He booked for a vehicle earlier, the company kept a Toyota 12 people van for us. It was a manual car, so my uncle took a few minutes to get used to before driving like a regular.

Our first destination was some restaurant in a almost deserted area. There we had early lunch. I didn't had the appetite so I only drank a cup of Milo Ice. Then we went to the Hotel. We stayed at the Holiday Villa Beach, SPA, and Resort. The lobby told us to leave our baggage and come back later because the room was not completely cleaned. So we drove out to the Cable Car place. When we were there, it started to drizzle. The Cable Car service was closed because of the rain. We wasted quite a lot of time there, so we decided to come back tomorrow. We went back to the hotel and got our room.

Christmas Decoration at the Hotel lobby.

In my room, I saw a bird standing on the balcony railing beside my balcony. I took a curry puff and teared off a bit of it's skin and placed it on my balcony rail. It flew onto the balcony, took a bite and flew back to a distance from me. So I shared my curry puff with the bird. I ate all of the fillings and most of the skin. It was fun sharing food with a bird. The bird was also quite friendly. Not to the point of standing on my hand or anything, but friendly enough to stand just one hand length away from me without flying away even when I move. I called that bird my friend after that (And that's not pathetic!).

My Friend, the bird.

Later I went out to swim with my parents, eventhough it was drizzling heavily. There were no thunderstorms so it was alright to swim.We swam in the pool and got beated in the jacuzzi for about an hour or more. Then we went out for dinner after shower. We ate at a chinese restaurant which my uncle claims to be good. Unfortunately, the restaurant had disappointed us by serving food of lower quality than expected. The fish tasted bad and the other dishes were not as unique as described.

We went back after dinner and prepared for our party. We had bought some beers earlier when we had real lunch. We had early lunch and real lunch. Real lunch took place in Kuah Town in a hawker centre. Opposite of the hawker centre was the best supermarket I've ever been in. It was there I discovered my two favourite word in Langkawi. Duty Free. Heineken was so affordable. We bought four bottles of Heine and one small bottle of plum wine, and a bar of V.S.O.P chocolate, which, for your information, taste so darn good. Usually party with beers last quite long, but for us, by the time it was 10p.m. we were all in our own room, on our own side of the bed, going to sleep.

On Monday, we woke up early for the breakfast buffet. The buffet was quite common and unoriginal. Nothing worth noting. After breakfast, we went to the Cable Car place again. This time we saw a notice which states that it opens at 12p.m. It was working half day because of Hari Raya Aidiladha. So we went off to a dock. We walked around the dock and took some photographs. When the clock strucked 11.30a.m. We went back to the Cable Car place. Just to find the ticket counter to have a very long queue. It was still closed. It was 12p.m. already.

At The Docks. We took a picture with the Jalur Gemilang Boat as background. The boat which traveled around the world.

My baby cousin, Joey.

When it finally opened, rain started to fall, and it closes again. The queue dispersed and many were enraged. People asked questions and all the employees could answer was 'tak pasti' (meaning: Not sure). They worked there for I don't know how long and they don't know a bloody thing. It was just a light drizzle and they closed the service completely. Are they insulting the Cable Car technology to be so inefficient or are they just plain lazy and ignorant?

When I was in Korea's Cable Car going up to Mount. Sorak, it was bloody windy and snowing outside and the cable car was still moving just fine. Yet these people tell me that the light drizzle will cause us to pummet to our death the instant we were on board? There was a couple who got really mad with them and started to complain alot. Everybody were mad about their terrible service. We were all our there sweating and getting wet by the rain, they are there relaxing dilly-dallying in their air conditioned room. And they just close as they pleases and open whenever they want.

They did not inform people earlier that they were working half day on Monday. They informed the people on Monday itself that they were working half day. How inconsiderate and ignorant can they be? Some people had already bought their tickets and were constantly told that the service was closed due to a light drizzle. Not to forget that there will be no refunds and many people - if not all - there weren't staying there as long as they want. As for me, I was only in Langkawi for three days and two nights. And because of this stupid Cable Car service, one half of my holiday spend there was completely wasted.

Angry and Disappointed People in front of the Counter.

In the end, they gave us a few pieces of feedback papers so they can give it to the higher management. One of the questions were, what did you enjoy most about the Cable Car? and my my dad answered in capital letters, 'NOTHING AT ALL'. They could have tried to hire some non-muslims so that they can open the Cable Car in the morning of Hari Raya Aidiladha. Don't they know how to do business? Do they even intend to do business? It seems to me that they think we are the one who should be happy if they even gave us the chance to ride the Cable Car. Who cares if we are the paying customers right? Bloody dirtbags. Also it would be of no harm to put the notice of their closed date or half days a day or two earlier, isn't it? And it gets even more annoying when they could not answer a single question without saying 'Tak Pasti'. This is especially embarassing as there are so many foreign tourist around. One of the feedback papers were given to a blonde dude and I saw him wrote a long comment on it. I couldn't read his small writing though.

We gave up completely on the Cable Car. We decided to just go to the Underwater World, again. Ah Yee has never been there before so it was fine. I don't remember much about it either. There were fishes and other marine lifes. The End.

The Cute Sea Otter in the Underwater World. I love Sea Otters. They are so cute.

Lunch was at Chiew Restaurant. A chinese restaurant that most of us had come to appreciate. My dad even promised to returned later at night for dinner. If anyone were to go there, you must try the Fried Belacan Chicken. We obtained quite a lot of information from the manager, Mr.Chiew. He told us to go take a look at the Perdana Gallery. We got a map and we got our van. I became the navigator and my uncle the driver. The rest were talking loudly behind and some were sleeping. When we got there, the Perdana Gallery was closed for the whole day due to Hari Raya Aidiladha. So we turned around and went to the Wildlife Reserve instead, which is just a few kilometres from the Gallery.

That Wildlife Reserve is definitely the best tourist spot that I went to, throughout my whole stay in Langkawi. There were so many different type of birds and other type of animals as well. There was even a crystal shop in between the walk, where each family bought at least one jewellery. One of the nice tourist gave us some bird food they bought. We fed them to the approaching birds and it was just fun to have them pecking on my palm.

I took a picture with this 25kg snake. Yes, I was trying to kiss it. No, I am not trying to make my face look sharper.

Just another bird.

The reason I took this picture was because of it's skin. Can you see the love shaped pattern in some parts of it's skin?

I lost a bottle of water to the ostrich section. They looked so tall with their look necks and intimidating with their huge eyes. Each time they approach I feel like they are going to peck me real hard with those threatening beaks. I wanted to touch them, but at the same time I feared looking an eye.

We spend a lot of time in the Wildlife Reserve. We left to Chiew Restaurant after. We stopped at the same supermarket to stock up on beers. I did not left the car this time. My mom and Ah Yee went down to get the stuff. While I was in the car, I saw a pretty girl at the entrance, squeezing eye drops. I think she her contact lense felt dry. Then she walked out and her boyfriend came along. She dripped again. Then her boyfriend dripped his eyes. Then her boyfriend helped her drip her eyes. It was a eye drop fiesta outside and was just fun to watch. She saw me looking at her. Our eyes were locked together for about 5 seconds. I think she said something to her boyfriend after that, because her boyfriend was staring, no, glaring at me. Her boyfriend glared at me with such commitment that his previously dry eyes were following me as the my uncle drove off. In the van, I thought about how funny that guy was. I imagined that he was mad because I was looking at his girlfriend. When in fact, I was just looking at a pretty girl. Then I thought, what if that guy was angry because of that? What if he was threatened by the fact that I looked at his girl? Wouldn't that be rather stupid? To be so insecure about his relationship that a mere look from an outside audience would bring so much effect on him. Then I started to venture around this piece of imagination of mine, giving myself something to think about as we were heading to the restaurant. Shouldn't he be more optimistic about a little thing like this? If it were to be me, I would be happy to have someone looking at my girlfriend. It would mean that I have a beautiful girlfriend and the looker can only be jealous and bark at the end of his leash. I would be proud. Maybe even take pity on the looker. I wouldn't glare at him, growling. I lost interest in that thought soon enough.

Went back to the Hotel at night. Took a picture outside near the fountain.

After dinner, we went straight back to our hotel and drank. I may have drank to much on that night. I drank a bottle of Heineken, then a glass of plum wine plus 100 plus, and lastly a can of Shandy. The mixture took me from my royal slumber. I could sleep, I was very tired and sleepy, but I could not sleep well. Nightmares were everywhere each time I sleep. I woke up several times, nightmare after nightmare. I only remember one specific nightmare where a 'cursed wayang kulit magic doll' was trying to kill a group of people in the room. In that room there was me and my dream girlfriend. That magic doll locked the door and was going to kill everyone. It was very intense and terrifying. Some people tried to approach the door from outside. The doll went to the door and ghost hands projected from a dark well that appeared on the wall outside. They tried to kill any who approaches the door. Then my girlfriend tried to sneak away while the doll was busy. Then the doll suddenly appeared infront of her. I yelled as he was trying to kill her. He looked at me with those huge scary eyes and sharp evil grin. He used some magic on me and I couldn't control myself. He made me use a pitch fork and stab my girlfriend. I resisted. When she was screaming and I couldn't resist any longer, as though I can't bear to watch this anymore, I, somehow, inside my own dream, forced myself to wake up, where everything happened, was happening, or about to happen would be erased.

Early Morning Sky. Tried to see the sunset but the sun was shining at a different direction.

I woke up at 7a.m. this morning. Then went out to the beach alone. I walked around the beach for an hour. Then went back up where I met my mom and Ah Yee. They went to the beach, while I entered the room. There was nothing on the television, so I went out to the beach with them. Then breakfast at the same hotel restaurant, ate the same food, and did the same thing after our meal. We went to Perdana Gallery today. We saw every single gift that was given to Datuk Seri Dr Mahatir in since his recognition to now. It was quite interesting the gifts he received.

I saw this dead Jelly fish while strolling along the Beach. I was alone and had nothing better to do, so I drew a line around it imitating a crime scene. If you can see, I wrote "Police Line, Do Not Cross". It was a gunshot wound straight to the head causing instant death. You can tell by the hole near the head and the of blood-like splatter of sand from the wound.

Perdana Gallery

Cowboy shoe found in the Perdana Gallery. That's some huge Ka-ching!

We had to check out by the time we finished viewing the Gallery. We went back to the hotel, packed our bags and checked out. We ate a quite and simple lunch at some random restaurant and rushed to the airport. Later to find that the flight was delayed 25 minutes. It was so damn boring to sit and wait in the terminal. But when we got home, when I sat on the living room chair, I felt so relaxed that I didn't want to bother with dinner.

There were still many places I have yet to visit in Langkawi. I just have to remember that the next time I go there, don't waste time with the Cable Car. Next time, I want to visit the Waterfall and the Air Pancut (Water Ejaculation?), go Island Hopping and Snorkeling, Ride the Elephants, and buy cheap chocolates.

I Feel naked, Stripped By Love

2008-12-02T15:11:00.006+08:00

Recently, I've been having an uncomfortable twirl inside me. It makes me feel like I want to vomit. Am I pregnant? Bullshit. I'm a MAN!

I just came back from my six day vacation in Singapore on Sunday. I went there on Tuesday and stayed until Friday. Then my dad said that he will come join us on Saturday, so we stayed until Sunday. We did not sleep in any hotel. That would be very costly. We stayed in my mom's close friend's home. Me, my mom, and my cousin. On Thursday night onwards, we slept in my brother's room in his home. When my dad came, me and my dad slept at my brother's while my mom and cousin slept at my mom's close friend's home.

I went by bus. I took the Konsortium from Imbi Pasaraya. It was a 6 hour trip from there. All I did in the bus was eat and sleep, and the occasional day dream and thought travel. The bus I rode was a double decker. I was on the top deck and the view was awesome. In front was a television. A very small television. Unfortunately, our only means of entertainment failed to entertain anybody. Maybe the bus guide felt ashamed to switch on such a tiny piece of entertainment under the audience of 40?

From Left: A sign saying no food and drinks yet we were given a bottle of water and some snacks before we board the bus, the tiny dead entertainment, a sign that forbids kissing in the bus, don't ask why.

We arrived around 4p.m. Took a taxi and went straight to my mom's close friend's(this method of description is too long so I shall shorten it to Ah Yee) place. We rested there and prepared dinner. Then chatted until 12a.m before going to sleep.

On Wednesday, we went to Vivo City. I bought some stuff, my mom bought some stuff. Basically, it was a large shopping mall connected to a big shopping mall forming a huge shopping mall. We went there by the SMRT. We got those touch-and-go EZLINK cards from Ah Yee and her family. Lunch was at the top floor, Food Republic. In case you don't know, Food Republic is orginally from Singapore, so, yes, the Food Republic AND J.CO Donut in Pavilion is a Singapore branch.

We shopped for many hours until our legs tire. I was shopping for phones, which is a rather disappointing part of my story. My aim to Singapore was to get a new phone. Unfortunately, my brother had suggested we don't do that because it would be a waste of money. When I move to another country to further my studies, I would have to buy a phone plan in that place. Usually, phones will be sold cheaper, if not free, if you buy a line in that country. Take Singapore for example, if you buy the M1 two year plan, you could get some phones for 0$ or a much cheaper amount. However, what if the phone I aimed for was not on their list of cheaper phones? There is indeed that flaw in his suggestion, but obviously, him and my mom can easily overpower me because I was not the one with the money. Though I was slightly disheartened by the fact that my purpose of going down to Singapore was threw into the bin in the nick of a second, soon I got over it and was normal again.

On our way home, we stopped at Jurong Point to buy some food supplies for dinner. My mom wanted to cook for Ah Yee and her family. I was also staying near Jurong Point which is located in Jurong West. If you see the Singapore SMRT chart, and you follow the green line to a station called Boon Lay, that's where I stay. Then if you follow the red line and go to a station called Choa Chu Kang, that's where I stayed when I was sleeping at my brother's place. They are 30 minutes apart by bus. About sitting the bus, here is a useful piece of information. When without an EZLINK card, just enter the bus, put in a one dollar coin, take the ticket, and take a seat. Do not ask the bus driver for the amount needed to be payed or they will ask for an amount surely above one dollar. Don't reveal yourself vulnerable of they will take advantage. My mom let lose her guard for a second and was charged 1.60$ while I just payed 1$. Fortunately, we didn't have any 0.60$ with us so the bus driver had to choice but to say it was alright. So, don't be tricked if you want to go to Singapore!

At night, after dinner, my brother arrived to Ah Yee's house. There we gave him a small celebration. It was his birthday, incase I didn't mention. I took out two presents from my bag and gave it to him. One was from my aunt, and the other from mom and dad. I help made the cake so that was my present to him. I had forgotten to take the picture of the cake after it was done. But it was delicious nonetheless.

The before image of the chocolate cake.

On Thursday, we went to Bugis Junction. Again the train to Bugis. Wherever you want to travel in Singapore, the best and only way if by its efficient public transport. Taxi people will never say no to wherever you want to go, unless their shift would be over in 10 minutes and you needed to go somewhere 30 minutes away.

At Bugis Junction, located in Bugis (Duh!), at the lower floor, there are many food stalls which Tiffany would love very much. There was a stall which sells thick french fries with 20 type of sauce, but you can only pick one. I picked the Wasabi Mayo. I only remembered the other as Malt Vinegar. I can't recall the other 18. But it is a must try if you there. There was also a Japanese ice cream stall which sells very smooth ice cream. I, of course, took the wasabi flavoured ice cream. I could imagine how fun it would be to see Tiff's reaction if she was there. There were many japanese food everywhere. Even a restaurant dedicated to soup of all variety.

In Bugis Junction, I bought 2 T-shirt. I had no real intention of purchasing it initially but the offer was so tempting we just went for it. I think it was a shop called Pure Milk. The promoter told us that there would be a 30% discount sale if one purchases above 80$. Four T-shirt amounts to 80$ plus. 30% it and we would be paying 60$ (tax included), for four T-shirt. Thinking back, it was still pretty darn expensive, but as I said, the offer was tempting. Because of the added privilege of being a lifetime member. We were even more tempted. So, I got 2, my cousin got 2. The designs were hard to choose since most were quite childish. But, I repeat, the offer was tempting.

We went back to Jurong Point again before heading back to Ah Yee's place. We made it a point to go to Jurong Point each time before we go back home. So everyday, when we said we've had enough of shopping at one place, we really mean we're going to Jurong Point to shop first before heading back. There we bought some gravy ingredients, because my mom was making western food for us and Ah Yee's family. Ah Yee's two sons absolutely love my mom's western cooking. The one who was always conscious of his weight even broke his rule and ate two plates. Initially he ate one, and he said it wasn't enough, but it was alright since he was maintaining himself at 58kg anyway. Lucky for him, his dad called in late and said that he will have dinner out. So, obviously, he gobbled up his dad's portion.

Friday we went to Orchard road. We took the 190 bus. It was pretty boring there. By then I had already lost my mood to shop because I was unmotivated. I was unmotivated because my aim was once again postponed. So there was nothing much I could say for Friday.

The colourful bear decorated christmas tree in one of the malls in Orchard road.

Before I forget, I do have to recommend another place with the most delicious Fried Prawn Noodles. Located in Jurong Point, just outside it, facing the Boon lay train station, right beside the entrance. My mom told me that you can't find any Fried Prawn Noodle as good as this one here in Jurong Point. Indeed, it was very delicious. The price was reasonable too, 4.20$. One more thing about visiting Singapore, or any other country for that matter, is not to count too much. When in Rome, do as the romans do. When in Singapore, spend the money as Singaporeans do. The moment you start converting, you would be spending your holiday in Singapore by breathing its air and finding lousy food. A plate of noodles may cost RM4 if you work in Malaysia earning Malaysia currency. However, imagine if you work in Singapore, $4 for a noodle would basically cost just the same as when in Malaysia. So, don't convert currency or you'd miss out alot. Especially the fun you are supposed to have.

On Saturday, my dad arrived around 12p.m. We hung out in Ah Yee's house for a very long time. My brother and I were playing with Ah Yee's sons' Play Station 2. We played Smackdown! because it was the only fun multiplayer game they had. I tied with my brother. We beat each other as much. As for the tag teams, we were pummeled mostly by the COM, though we still won some matches. Our teamwork, was supreme. Though there were the occasional times when I accidently attacked him and helped the opponents.

Clarke Quay.

We went to Clarke Quay for dinner. We ate at some western restaurant where their specialty is cooking stuff with beer they brew. I was given some freedom to drink a glass and a quarter of its beer. We ordered a jug of Fruity Beer. They claimed that apple juice was mixed in with the beer. We ordered six main course for a table of 8. The food was moderate. Not extremely tantalising, but not too bad either. I would say a tad bit above average. After dinner, we walked around Clarke Quay. That area was full of restaurants and pubs and clubs. It was the sort of expensive place for tourist and youngsters. We stopped for desserts at some restaurant where I could remember one specific waitress not smiling at all to anyone. Probably because she was tired and it was late and such. We walked around somemore before heading home. By then, it was already 11p.m.

One of the bridge in Clarke Quay.

One of the large fans inside the pillars at Clarke Quay. The fan is oddly shaped into something shockingly familiar if seen at the right angle.

The dessert.

On Sunday, we hanged out at Bukit Panjang Plaza until 2p.m. Then packed all our belongings and fetched my brother to his university. He had a futsal game with his friends. We drove to the imigration after and went straight home. A warning to those who want's to go to Singapore, don't do it on weekends or there will be a queue so long and boring and frustrating at the imigration. For dinner, we ate at Gelang Patah at a restaurant called Tian Lai. There are great otak-otak there. Tiff go try.

View from my brother's apartment showing the abundance of tall buildings in Singapore.

Light Flow.

A pretty lolita punk at a station. If you know where I took this picture from, keep it to yourself. Hahahaha.
There are quite a number of LL in Singapore. I only saw two or three which is Thsh type. Many Taho and Soka type. A few Edte and my type. Unfortunately, when there's a LL you see in Singapore, she is most likely already taken. A note to some friends of mine, the SP there are very noob. Not all though, but most of them.
Back in Malaysia now, I am taking some test to keep myself studying through my holiday. Not the best of ways to spend my holiday but I have to take this test. I just have myself to blame for not doing it earlier.

Not All History Is Bad To Repeat Itself

2008-11-23T22:18:00.005+08:00

It feels like I had not updated my blog for such a long time. Almost everyday I make a check point in my blog just to see if there are anything new. Obviously, there was nothing much that has changed except for my chatbox which has one new message every three or four days. Today I will write about yesterday.

My friends and I had tried to invite a lot of people to join us yesterday, unfortunately, only 7 people managed to go, including me. The night before, Edte, Soka, and Thsh, slept over at my house. Taho couldn't join us because he had a fever and headache. Soka had a touch of flu but he was fine enough to join us. Taki said no to almost everything. Maybe he had some other plans already. So it was just the four of us.

After my Physics paper on Friday, we went to CC and played for 3 hours. Then fetch Teyi to have dinner together at Pizza Hut. There were the five of us, Yofo and Teyi. We spent about an hour or two there eating and talking about all sorts of things. After dinner, we drove Teyi home and then I lead the others to my house.

At night, we played Burnout, Naruto, and Dragonball using Edte's Play Station 2. Soka broke the takedown record in Burnout. Thsh fulfilled the requirement to sleep by winning in Naruto. I didn't achieve anything. We all went to bed around 1.30 a.m.

On Saturday, I woke up around 6a.m. in the morning, went to my parent's bedroom and brushed my teeth. My parents were already awake then and was getting ready to go for their Saturday walk in FRIM. I waited until 6.45a.m. before going up to Edte and Soka's room to wake them. I was supposed to wake them up at 6.30a.m. but I felt like giving them a few more minutes of sleep. We left around 7a.m. in Edte's car to Taman TAR. Thsh didn't join us. We were going to jog in the light drizzle. They didn't expect the uphill to be so challenging to jog in Taman TAR. Neither did I expect jogging uphill could be so tiring. So we were already quite tired halfway up our jogging path. By then, it was no longer a light drizzle but raining frequently. We walked until the peak and jogged downhill. Then walked to complete the big round.

Edte drove us to the roti canai restaurant near my house and I bought take-aways so that we could all eat together with Thsh at my house. Thsh was already awake when we reached home. I took a shower and changed my smelly clothes before eating. After breakfast, we went for an early game of DotA before leaving to Sungei Wang. We knew we had no time to finish even one game in DotA. So we played as assholes. We rushed into enemy base and do all sorts of crazy stuff. Then left the game. It was quite funny.

At Sungei Wang, we met up with Joyce and went to the roller blade area together. Usually it cost RM16 per person, but on weekends it was RM18. In the Skating ring, there were not many people. Which was prior to our aim of going there at 10.30a.m. Though the amount of people were few, but the ratio of LL was high. Also the amount of SP was 92% in all female skaters. Teyi, Joyce, Thsh, and Soka skated for the first time, so Edte was chosen as the teacher. It was my second time skating so I am in no position to teach more than adding a couple of tips in between Edte's lesson. Edte taught us some valuable tips on standing up after falling which I noticed that not many people know. Either that or they don't use it. But I don't see any logical reason of not using it because Edte's method was much more energy saving than their usual way of forcefully pushing themselves up.

At first I was as good as I was during my first time. Slowly as I skated, I got back my previous touch, I became slightly smoother but I was still an amatuer. I daresay I improved significantly though. I only fell once. We skated for 4 hours or more and my foot was sore and my legs were tired. Soka, Edte and I were especially tired since we had already spent quite an amount of energy in our morning jog.

It was quite fun and humourous during our four hour skate in Sungei Wang. There was one time when a stranger approached Teyi suddenly and taught her how to skate. Teyi said that it was so noisy she could barely heard him. I couldn't agree more. The music was so darn loud we all had to practically shout when talking. We teased Teyi saying how that guy definitely has the hots for her. We taught Teyi to reject the stranger by refering to him as a little boy because we were convinced that we were part of the elder group in the Skating Ring.

By 3p.m. we were already out of there and going to meet up with Thsh's brother to have lunch together. We ate at Times Square in the Teppanyaki restaurant. After that we walked around Times Square before heading home. I drove Teyi and Soka home before heading home myself. During which it rained very heavily as though I was driving through a never ending layer of water falls. It was hard to find our way but we managed. I gave them the experience of a really bumpy ride and I felt so embarassed by the way I drove in the rain.

I reached home around 6p.m. Took a shower and changed my shirt only. I was going out again for my uncle's birthday dinner. It was a big dinner because he held it in a restaurant where wedding dinners usually take place. It was not any party in his house or anything. For my family, big birthdays were held in wedding dinner restaurants. So boring and dull for me but I try to enjoy myself. I was dead tired and my eyes were drowsy. Some people said I looked like a girl because of my too-long-for-a-boy hairstyle, white skin and my smoother-than-before face. I would show them my leg hair if they started to tease me but nothing much happened. There was one aunt who didn't say I looked like a girl but instead gave me a compliment. So I complimented her in return. This part of my family are rather old-fashioned and incapable of accepting new styles, especially such as vk, and I haven't even the slightest hint of attempting vk in front of them. Well, the other part of my family also would be unable to comprehend vk either. But I felt like it would be fine to have a little bit of vk or whatnot at my current age because as I grow older it would seem childish and very odd to be doing this. I don't want to grow up regretting this part of the story not made in my life.

The dinner finished around 10p.m. at night. We went home and I was so exhausted I actually had no mood or energy to defend the ancients. So I went to bed when my eyes could not open anymore. And that was it. I could not meet with Thsh as often as I could with the others anymore. Same goes with quite a lot of my friends as they are all heading back to their hometown. To every beginning there is an ending. I sure am going to miss spending time in the lecture hall with Taki, chatting with the lecturers and friends during tutorial, going to study in our secret-but-not-so-secret bases, being pushed and getting the guts to talk to michelle, being hated by people for things I hate myself for doing which seems so hard to turn around - wait I don't miss that, instead I hoped that didn't happen.

I remember in the Lecture Hall, I would always talk to Taki about all sorts of nonsense and sometimes I think he might get sick of me for going on non-stop about crazy stuffs. I remember in the Tutorial classes when we played card games infront or with the lecturers. I remember in the canteen when I would eat alone. Talking about these makes me feel like tagging people. I don't usually do this but I would like to hear it from some people.

I would like to tag Ling Fan, Shindy, Jo Lene, Huay Ee, Tiffany, Lengar and Siao Ying.

In this tag I would like you all to write down 5 things you remember, 5 things you will miss, and 5 things you will regret not doing or saying, throughout your experience and story in TARC A-level course.

As for me, the thing I will miss is the things I remember. The things I regret is not getting closer to everyone in the lecture hall and other classes as well. I also regret causing unnecessary strain closing the end of my college year which can't seem to be fix even after an apology. I regret not joining more activities. I regret not studying harder like everyone else. And most of all, I regret not knowing the friends I had better and deeper and now I have less chance to do so.

FGPGSPUSMJC!!!

2008-11-13T17:51:00.004+08:00

All hail the graduating people! Thou'st attention shall be lavished upon my honorable post! For I shall bestow upon thee, as the reader, with an invitation of such grandeur and formality!

[Trumpet plays]

Roll out the red carpet'th and swerve thy dress! Tighten your tie and tap your shoes! When the night of the last month strikes, the time ticks and the clock tocks, birds taught the ways of flight shall be celebrating their release! And in this celebration of magnificence, of freedom and joy, of the end of its meet, of all and everything, many will announce their presence! Even the shadow figures and the shiny roles! All will make place! Hurrah!

I will now pass on this invitation to all who this be concerned!

Farewell-Graduation-Prom-Gathering of the SPUS May-June 2007-2008 intakes Celebration.

Place : HGH CONVENTION CENTRE, SENTUL

Time : In the eve of the night and the dawn of the morn,

creeps of might in cloaks of thorn,

make thy pace and shout thy name,

a time unforgotten, a moment of fame.

(in other words, I do not know of the time yet.)

Date : 10th December 2008.

Ticket Price : RM18

Dress Code : Anything but; Jeans - T-shirt - Birthday suit - swimming suit - short pants - slippers/sandals/flip flops - singlet - sports attire - prefects/scouts/girl guide/police/fireman/postman/and other profession uniforms - bikini - thong - G-string - clown costume(I hate clowns) - batman/superman/ironman/ultraman/spiderman costume - pyjamas - animal skin/fur - tights - towel wrap. Any further dress code restrictions unmentioned will be known through the response of being booted out by a gigantic muscular sweaty hot bouncer.

Dateline : There is none. One can even purchase tickets on the day itself. But why go through the long queue and the waste of time when you can do it sooner and earlier? Whats wrong with you!? Geez!. . . . .sorry, for over-reacting.

Events : There will be games and performances and food and lots of pretty hot totally mouth watering girls (for the guys who are single) and lots of good looking attractive young lads (for the girls who are single). One of the games-cum-performance that might happen is Talent Show by any students who wish to sign up. Though this game is not confirmed yet but one will know when the organizer opens it to the public. The public being the May-June 07-08 intakes who are graduating.

Organizer : Bei Bei and friends.

Events are open for suggestions. For those who wish to buy tickets earlier, you may contact Jolene. Or Bei Bei directly. Those who do not know how to go to the convention center in Sentul, you may hitch a ride with Jolene. Her family owns a huge bus and she has agreed to drive everyone who has no transport to the convention center.

Just kidding, she don't have a bus and she won't fetch anyone. Don't hurt me, Jo.

For any further inquiries, you may ask Bei Bei, Jolene, Lengar, or God. If all four does not reply, then and only then can you ask me. Though I will not be of much assistance for I am nothing but a self-proclaimed promoter. Thank you, and come again.

Lost

2008-11-11T17:57:00.002+08:00

I realize now how embarassingly aimless I am. When asked what do I want to do after A-levels, or what do I want to be or study, I have always given a simple 'I'm not sure yet' and closed off that topic completely. I know now how stupid I sounded, how naive and clueless. Yet, I still do not know what is my purpose in life. Some people tell me, "Find something you love. Do where your interest lies. You don't want to end up working in something you are not passionate about." , and some people tell me, "Find something that has a steady future. Gives a steady income."

Until now I could not decide what will I be interested in doing. I had first thought cooking may be my interest, but I do not have a food vibe which a chef possesses. I do not attract people with my cooking nor my ability to cook, I do not have the chef's aura where people actually believes in him and his food. A chef with a good food vibe will make people say, "I've got to try your cooking someday" , "Hey, cook for me one day. I'd like to try your specialties" , "What can you cook?Im interested". A chef with no food vibe gets, "You can cook!?" , "Are you sure your cooking is edible?I don't want to have food poisoning" , "Hmmm, lets go eat at (Insert restaurant name)". What am I meant to do?

Without an aim, I find myself undoubtedly unmotivated. I could not find a single reason to study for. By using scattered reasonings that I could salvage from the floor I managed to stay on track up til now. Now I have a backache and an empty brain. I am fearing for the future. I am days away from completing my A-levels and I am still without a heading. I had told people that I expect to make my decision through the two years I spend for this course. And now I am back where I started. In fact, I haven't moved a step from where I was. I did not research on universities, I did not try applying with my forecast, I did not do anything or know much about the education industry. One may wonder, "What am I doing with my life? If I don't feel like running it, I might as well give it to someone who needs it and can do a better job."

I have a friend who told me he was a noob. And that someone who was striving for A was a pro. I told him he is wrong. I said that he was the pro and the other was the noob. I was the noob too. People who are pro are people who are happy and satisfied with themselves. People who are noob are people who are sad and hardly satisfied. A person who gets a D for a test and is satisfied, while a person who got a B cried that he did not get an A. Isn't it quite an obvious sight that student D is more pro than student B? Student D is living his life happily and satisfied with his achievement, self-appreciation. Student B is mourning over what was supposed to and what should be revealing himself as a noob. My point is not against aiming high or reaching for best. It is but to say that those who are happy and satisfied with themselves in life are those more pro and abundant than the noob in their own way.

Nevertheless, I am still a zombie. A zombie with a broken back and an empty skull. An indecisive zombie who just needs to make up his mind about what he loves. A simple yet complicated question to answer. What do I love? Who do I love? Why do I love it? How will I perform? Where will I find it? I love movies, I love drawing, I love creating. Maybe I should direct movies, draw comics, or be a chef regardless of how people feel about my cooking. Listen up kids, growing up is not easy. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Big decisions. Small decisions, piling up to be big decisions. Decisions which did not matter, then comes back to haunt us as important decisions.

Cause of Death : Indecision

This could be one of the toughest exam yet in my life now. The pressure is intense and the expectations are high. The happiness is gone and it is not something to enjoy anymore. Everyone is stressing hard over the notes and the past year papers. The smiles wiped out from their face and the joy of the challenge is washed away. People are struggling to get good grades through the hard way. It is scary how everyone is pushing hard and it just seems as though I would fail if I didn't follow through. It spreads like a new trend and before you know it, nobody is enjoying an exam anymore but straining to the limits just to get good grades. I hated it. It is like this exam has stolen all my friends and drained them off happiness.

This is when my love for movies come in. In times of any mood there is a right movie for anyone to enlighten them. During times like this, I would like to watch School Of Rock (the one with jack Black) to cheer myself up.

I have been planning with the BNBDs what to do after A-levels. Next Friday we will go DotA until we vomit, then have dinner together, and possibly they might sleep over at my place. Saturday we will go roller skating at Sungei Wang. We haven't planned for the rest of the week yet. Many ideas are flying around but none setting place. We would love to spend it with the rest of the lecture mates too. So we would be pleased to accept any invitation, or if any of you would like to join us, you are most welcomed. Except for the sleeping at my house part, my castle is not big enough to support too many people.

Right now, I have to go grab some food. Energize myself and find some reason to keep me reading my chemistry notes. I think I might put myself in the show business industry. Or food industry. Or maybe I can become a counsellor. Im still undecided.

Mountains Out Of Mole Hills

2008-11-06T16:21:00.003+08:00

Nothing especially interesting has occured since the childish-beer-belly-trouble-seeking bunch drama. So I will compile a handful of events in this post and turn it into one post filled with tiny enjoyments. When my father came back from Johore/Singapore, he brought back with him a new strain of influenza, which very quickly, infected me. I hate to be sick during examination times. I have always had problems during examination through my whole academic life. From the unbearable urge to urinate during examination to the bothersome pain of illness. Therefore, I, once again, destroyed my General Paper. Hopefully my headache did not demolish it to the point of getting Ungraded again.

As for Chemistry Paper 5, I think I could have done better if I did not have this freaking annoying headache and damn sore throat and irritating runny nose. Also if I was just a bit more calm I could've did better for my Part 1 and Part 2 experiment planning. I was so surprised to see that I have to plan two experiments that I simply rushed over it. In the end, I had time to spare and no space to fix my planning. So I was stuck with a job not-well done. I was afraid that I had not enough time to finish the paper since question one was already so long and time consuming. I didn't know question two will be easier eventhough it seems long. I guess everyone has their own problems. I have panic attack, and damn viruses in my body.

I have been taking a lot of paracetamols recently to fight this strong case of flu. I plan to OD myself to heal faster because I am sick of having problems during my examination affecting me from performing at full potential. Yesterday I took two Uphamol pills, each pill containing 650mg of paracetamol. Then at night I took two pills of Panadol, each pill containing 500mg of paracetamol. Today I took 6 pills of Panadol, 2 after every meal. Overall, I have taken in 5300mg of paracetamol to combat the symptoms from persisting. I have two more Panadol pills which I may or may not take tomorrow morning, depending on situation. If I do, I would have 6.3 grams of paracetamol in my body, assuming it accumulates in my body.

Today as I was driving home, I saw some pretty weird drivers. There was a guy who constantly press the brakes when a car is less than 3.5 metre behind him. Then speeds off to maintain a distance or 3.5 metre or more from the car behind him. He was so freaking annoying. Each time I accelerated and, unintentionally, broke his restraining order, he brakes, which causes me to go into emergency mode and quickly kick the brakes, then he speeds off to maintain his very unusual distance, making my drive a uncomfortable one. I changed lane so that I won't get a heart attack driving behind him. Another car took my place and suffered the same thing. In the end, no car was behind him for a distance of 100-150 metre. He was such an amazingly annoying driver.

Another weird driver was when I was trying to enter the main road from a branched road. When I saw that the next car approaching was quite far, I decided to drive into the main road. Then this lady driver who was on my left planned to do the same. I wanted to let her go first. With my car blocking one lane, she was free to enter the lane on the main road, then I could drive behind her on the main road, and the car that was approaching would arrive in a matter of seconds, and all's well end's well. But, this lady kept on looking at the road for oncoming cars and cautiously drive out bit by bit. I was already in the lane and letting her enter without a drop of worry! What was she looking out for!?

Tomorrow is my Physics Paper 4. One of the papers I fear most. Today was Biology 1. Rather easy. I have 8 more papers to go including tomorrow's. I hope I can do well for this exam so that I can go wherever I want and study something which has absolutely not much use of science subjects and then have people getting frustrated and saying, "Why the hell did you take A-levels science for then!????!!!!???Arghhh!!!! You idiot!!! Arggghh!!!"

Underage Drinking

2008-11-02T20:19:00.003+08:00

Finally I have something interesting to talk about (well, at least to me it is interesting. Not interesting like very exciting adrenaline-pumping-heart-racing-blood-rushing-brain-thrilling interesting, but just simple interesting). I hadn't been out of the house much since the week before A2 arrives. So there was not much going on around me worth writing.

Yesterday, my parents drove to Johore. I was left alone, with my uninvited cousin.A note to those who loves jumping to conclusions, I don't mean unwelcomed when I say uninvited, I meant without notice or a form of invitation type of uninvited. Though I would prefer if I was left completely alone if my parents weren't going to be around because I'd hate to have to tend to another while I'm busy worrying about myself in these vital times. However, if it so happens that I cannot attain what I prefer, I can find my way of going along it, hence, my cousin will not be unwelcomed. Savvy?

It was quite a challenge for me yesterday. My mom had only prepared enough food for one person during her leave. But I have to cook for my cousin too now. At first I felt stressed and frustrated for having to deal with these time wasting circumstances. As soon as I step into the kitchen, everything just came along fine and went smoothly. Lunch was served in the same amount of time it would've taken if I was cooking for myself. Thus, I didn't mind my cousin staying anymore.

My parents went to Singapore today, then back home. They arrived around 4.30p.m. By then, my cousin was already home. We went out for dinner very early. It was 5.30p.m. and we were already in the restaurant and has ordered our food. My dad had wanted to finish dinner early so that he can go see a doctor afterwards - he was having a mediocre case of influenza. Beside our table was a group of three men, gulping their Tiger and bulging their beer belly. There were no food on their table but bottles of Tiger beer. It was a sight quite off but a common sight in Malaysia. Drinking beer with no food on the table in a chinese RESTAURANT. To those readers from the west, if any, the PUBS and BARS of Malaysia are chinese RESTAURANTS.

At first it was all quiet and calm, everybody minding their own business. Then a waitress comes along and asked the group for money. One of the three snaps and said that he already paid. The second man yelled at the waitress, complaining her incompetence and shouting 'what the heck' in Bahasa Melayu. Third guy was rather quiet but did his part by maintaining a stern face. Dude One went to the counter and talked to the cashier, giving his statement and claiming himself not guilty. Walked back and the three talked about what a stupid job they were doing.

5.27 to 5.42 p.m. The three guys were talking about how they felt insulted when the waitress asked them to pay for the beers eventhough they had already payed. Dude One said that they think he is cheap and such. He thought they were looking down on him, thinking that he was incapable of paying for a couple of beers. When clearly the situation at hand was that the waitress was either uninformed or had forgotten that they payed for the beers already. The three man looked about 35 - 45 year olds with behavior of 5 - 15 year olds. They kept on complaining and complaining among themselves about the waitresses' incompetence how insulted they felt. In my opinion, they were looking down on themselves in the first place because if they never looked down upon themselves, how would the thought of others' looking down on you ever occured? My dad said that they were drunk and were simply shouting and causing problems. They seemed pretty conscious to me, though.

5.46 to 5.47p.m. They went back to the topic of being insulted by the waitress. Dude Two said that usually if this happens he would just flip the table over and leave. Dude One says that they were wrong and he was right. Dude Two says you did correctly, you didn't do anything wrong. Dude Three says that you were right, they were wrong. In my thoughts, they were wrong since the beginning. Just because the waitress made one tiny mistake which did not brought any harm to him, his family, anyone, or even his wallet, doesn't mean he has to shout at her and insult the other innocent employees as well. She is human too and I bet they have made their own mistakes before. They were being outright childish and hyper sensitive. A bunch of sensitive tough guys. Now that is just ironic.

5.57 to 6.00p.m. They came back to the incident AGAIN. They just sound more like unsatisfied kids as time passes. The owner came and Dude One said that this incident was happening and he just sits there and act as though nothing was going on. Then Dude One called him stupid. The owner just apologize to him on behalf of the waitress. I saw two very different level of maturity at that moment. The owner was doing a business, hence customer service is vital, so he has the maturity level to be patient and deal with scumbags. I bet he even has the experience. On the other hand, the immature, inconsiderate, sensitive insensitive, customers, were causing trouble over something as little as breaking a mug. On second thought, breaking a mug would be more serious that this because breaking a mug means we lose a mug.

Later the waitress walks there and apologizes on her behalf. Dude One was sticking to his character and scolded her some more. Dude One called her stupid and taught her how to become a better waitress, and even a better person. Life lessons by him was truly inspiring. He was a 100% hypocrite.

For the record, I was not being a busybody and eavesdropping on everything. They were speaking loudly as though performing in a concert. And I was at the table just beside them. Can't blame my ears for doing what it was meant to do. Besides, to write a full story I would need as much details as I can get.

I have to say at some point when they weren't talking about that tiny made-believe-big-deal occurence, they talked about some of the weirdest things. Dude One was talking about how great his friend was. Then he said he had slept with that friend. What bothered me was when he said these exact words, "I slept with him before". Yes, HE said I SLEPT with HIM. Find anything unusual about that? By the way, he looked very much like a married man, to a woman, who has at least one child already. And the other two weren't surprised at all.

When we were done eating, we left as soon as we could. I am quite sure they would be having intervals in their conversation where they whine about how offended they were by the innocent waitress again and again. And then when they get home, they would whine about it to their family. And then this story will be passed on to the next generation and the next. The story of the Mean Waitress will live on in their family. And they will live happily ever after. The End.

Gina

2008-10-28T17:25:00.003+08:00

I have not been particularly hardworking recently. I don't find the need to study anymore than I did for the exams anymore. It is against me but I just fail to find meaning to continue. The purpose of A-levels has lost me. My study rate has decreased and now I cover less in a day than before.

It could be that I gave myself a four day time out because of my brother's sudden return. He came back with his girlfriend and stayed for two nights. They both slept on my bed, while I slept on the part-sofa-part-bed in my study area. I could not study much since there were so many activities for my brother. We had a BBQ dinner along with my uncle. Then we went to Pavillion to watch Tropic Thunder. There were also moments when my room was occupied so I could not reach my study area.

I don't dare enter my own room when the girl is inside, I don't want to suddenly enter and see something I should not. In other words, I'm paranoid and cowardly. It could be that I have some sort of fear towards my brother which influenced me in everything I do. Also they wake up very late so I can't enter my room to study. I don't like to study when family is near me. I feel like they are hungry eagles scouring above me waiting for the moment to dive down and crush me when I make a false move, such as a slight look at the computer. I can't study under security.

As predicted, I had very little space when my brother returned. It became 3 versus 1. They were all against me, except for my brother's girlfriend, she is a nice girl. Nothing much happened, thankfully. Until today, when they bullied me. I will not specify what happened because I do not want anyone to judge them. They may be good and bad at times, but they mean well.

I'd rather not talk about my family. Just keep in mind that though they sound unjust and mean in here, but they are really just heavy on the misunderstanding and bad with noticing. Nevertheless, before I leave, I would like to show a video my brother showed me of the new BMW. If everyone has already seen it and know about it. . .then I guess Im the only idiot who is slow at updates.

This is the new BMW Gina. The effects shown in this video are not all CGI but the capabilities of the real car instead. Beautiful isn't it?

Nature Wake Up Call

2008-10-12T12:25:00.002+08:00

It was a store selling weird funny stuff. I felt the temptation to own every weird stuff I see. There were scary mask, funny costumes, odd accessories, and so-called magical potions. I walked past the store and went to the one beside it. They were selling perverted funny stuff in this one. A bicycle caught my attention. It came with a full costume and mask to fully present the perverted humour it poses. I was with a girl. We bought it, dressed up, and rode it around town. We made people look. It was funny to see the faces they had.

We cycled into a lift. We were back to our casual wear. I went with the girl into a classroom. I didn't know her name, but I'd felt like I've known her for ages. She had long dark hair and a slightly tanned skin. Her eyes weren't too big, nor it too small. She had a beautiful smile. We walked into her class, we were the only two students. I was accompanying her for class because I had nothing better to do, and I wanted to spend time with her. I was 5 years too old for her class. I explained to her teacher that I am just here for fun and that I know everything he will teach. I didn't know why I had to say that. It was an odd thing to state.

She showed me the projects her classmates and her did. They were polystyrene models of forest, painted in the most professional way for tweens. Suddenly, up against the wall, there was a mouse. I know this sounds more like a lizard, but the mouse was climbing on a perfectly vertical wall. And there were two cats chasing that mouse, they too can climb walls. The mouse scurried across the wall to a hole nearby, the cats chased it scratching against the wall. There was a lot of scrapping noises everywhere. The teacher seemed to be unaware of the commotion. The girl and I looked on as though watching a drama.

Scratch! and I woke up from my dream. My toilet door was moving to and fro vigorously (to those who don't know, my toilet door is a folding door. The type where you push it to one side and the door folds up). I thought that it could be windy outside, because usually the wind, if strong enough, may cause my toilet door to swing in and out.

Cralk, cralk, cralk! I started feeling weird. No wind can push so long and in a different manner. Even the sounds produced seemed different than usual. I pushed myself up and looked at the toilet door. No one there. I looked below. A black thing there. My goodness! There was a rat scratching and pushing the folding door trying to enter the toilet! I was freaked out. How in the world did a rat enter my room? I wouldn't be surprised if it were banging the door from inside the toilet, but from outside? How did it get it? When did it get in? My windows were all shut, doors were closed, ceiling had no holes. Had it been in the same room with me for the whole night? Impossible. I would have known, since I spend 80% of my time in my room everyday.

As I looked at the animal, it stopped messing with the door and looked at me. We stared at each other for about 3 to 4 seconds. Then it rushed to the right. Still drunk from sleep as I was, I stumbled out of the bed and wore my spectacles. I struggled my way to my parent's room.

My dad said,"oh, you're awake, lets go out for breakfast"

I said, "There is a rat in my room"

My dad said, "oh really? they always come and go. Now go dress up"

I said, "No, really, a rat in my room, now."

I guild them to my room, no rat in sight.

I said, "it ran here"

My mom said, "Maybe it ran under your bed"

My mom kicked the bed and something scurried off to the other side of my room. We went to section two of my room. There was a second bed in section two of my room. I lied down on the floor and looked under it. There it was. two paws on the ground, and another two against the sliding door to section three of my room. Slimmer body and its furry tail in an 'S' shape. And my Gourd was I up for a second surprise, I was so far-sighted that I misidentified the animal. It was a squirrel! Now that is even more odd. A squirrel in my room. The first mammal to ever step foot in my room (squirrels don't lay eggs, right?I think). I have only had one animal in my room before, which was a bird. I did not felt disgusted anymore instead, I was all melted and going "aw, it's a little squirrel. It's so cute."

My dad said, "I'll go get something to catch it"

I said, "Get some peanuts to lure it too"

I had just watched the movie Failure to Launch last night, I was reminded of the scene with the chipmunk so I thought maybe I could use some peanuts to lure it to me like in the movie. It was childish, I know, but I just woke up not long ago, so I was still dreamy.

Before my dad returned, Sneaky ran to the section three of my room through and opening in the sliding door (yes, I named it Sneaky because I still can't figure out how it entered my room). After that we could not find it ever again. Section three was the smallest section of my room and yet we could not find it. Three people can't find one squirrel. So we gave up and I went to brush my teeth and take a bath. Before I left, I opened all the doors and windows in my room and closed all the doors outside my room. So it won't go the wrong way and know where to exit.

I had wanted to take a picture as evidence but I was so excited that I just kept looking at it and taking a photograph did not cross my mind, until later when it was unseen. But I didn't need a photograph as an evidence because why would I need evidence to something like this? This is not something I would lie about and also it would be a desperate, cheap, irrelevant, and totally unnecessary pathetic lie.

I hope I will get to see Sneaky again. I hope Sneaky has left my room and not stay. I don't want him to be hiding from fear for so long that he hungered himself to death. I thought that it was weird for a squirrel to wake me up. It was like having a living alarm clock. I wondered why did it woke me up around 7.50a.m. Could it be that something special will happen today? In the morning? I am just being superstitious. It just occured that a squirrel got lost in my room and was desperately trying to find a way home. Not all odd coincidences has to mean something to my future. Although, it was fun to be awoken by a squirrel and have one in my room, even if it was only for a minute or two.

Later, we went out for Dim Sum, bought some fruits, and came back home. I hope Sneaky will wake me up again tomorrow morning before I go back to Glen Eagles for a second appointment with Mr.Brendan. Also I hope I will have the same dream tonight and see that girl. I know I sound desperate and pathetic, but I want to make the best out of everything, even my dreams. So I would have something to talk about, or something to live with in my mind, a memory created.

October Babies

2008-10-10T17:57:00.002+08:00

There are many more October babies I do not know of, yet. There are also those October babies who I know of but did not realize, yet. But now I will dedicate this post to those October babies that I know are October babies. I am specifically writing a post for the October babies because most of the people I know are born in October.

Firstly, A very Belated 19th Birthday Wish to my pretty ex-classmate friend, Nil irma Isaura!

And also a wishing a very awesome birthday to another pretty ex-classmate friend, Wong Woon Sze!

(Left; Woon Sze. Right; Nil)

Nil had her birthday on the First of October. She was my classmate for five years and we never really got to know each other enough. I was young and stupid. I used to have the thought that if I made friends with girls, I would repel them because they would think I love them and that freaks them out especially because it's me. I had very low self-esteem, extreme thinking, and immense paranoia, also imaginative and self-absorbed at the same time. It was until my last year with her that I finally became friends with her without all that weird mentality. Thinking back, I was such a fool to have wasted so much time to create good memories, and more friends.

Nil was loved by many back in my high school. Our school had about 50 - 60 students, summation of secondary one to secondary five, and she was considerably the prettiest girl in the senior section. I was not sexually attracted to her like most puberty strucken schoolmates were, but I was afraid to be too close to her in fear of the others finding me as another rival. I didn't like conflicts.

Nil is not someone proud who boast about her appearance, or uses it as an advantage for that matter. She is a kind, gentle, smart, and affectionate girl. She was humble and often helpful. Her friendliness had made many boys thought they had a chance with her, which was what caused most of her insecurity. I was one of the people she could talk to about the hormonal boys because I was not part of their group. Incidently, I was chosen to be a main cast in my school concert in my final year. And my character was in love with the character Nil acted as. I got to dance with her, and became the jealous of many boys. Good times. Happy Belated Birthday, Nil.

Onwards to Woon Sze. She is celebrating her birthday with her brother today. Her brother, Wong Woon Choong. They are what the chinese would call the "Dragon Phoenix Infant". In simpler terms, they are non-identical twins. One is fire, the other water. One is boy, the other girl.

Woon Choong
Woon Sze was quite a slightly abnormal one in class. She does things and yells them out openly, which people usually stay quiet and embarassed about. She was hyperactive. Woon Choong was the more angry one but active nonetheless. He loves basketball and plays it almost everyday with his friends. His height should be around Soka's but not taller, though this measurement was since form five.

I remember in one time of a year, Woon Choong and his friends accused me of having a crush on Woon Sze. I had rejected that idea at first. After several failed attempts in trying to convince them, I gave up and felt it better to just play along their game and pretend I was in love with Woon Sze. Unfortunately, that just made things worse, and they made fun of me even more. Well, I did mentioned earlier I was young and stupid. The worse thing was that I somehow repelled Woon Sze because of the rumours. She kept her distance. Given time, the thing passed, and we became closer friends when all was forgotten.

Woon Sze was the head prefect back in high school, and I have to say, I think she was the best choice out of everyone in our group of prefects. I was the Assistant Head Prefect, and though I was unsatisfied back then, but thinking clearly now, I would have been a bad choice for Head Prefect. I do not have such leadership skills Woon Sze possesses. Nor patience and maturity for that matter. Woon Sze kept it better than anyone could have. However, I won't suggest her for notice board updates. She made tigger hold a mirror asking the students to look at themselves in it and notice how messy they look. It cracked up all up, though.

Woon Choong was not a prefect. He was quite a opposite. Rebellious and stubborn. However, he means well. He is a nice and helpful person if you are soft with him. If you get a wee-bit too rude, he will run your head through a 5-inch concrete wall. Woon Choong has helped me a lot back then, he was very protective and a good friend. He is the type of person who has to be your friend if you meet him because it will just be your loss if you don't. A very Happy Birthday to both of you, Woon Sze and Woon Choong, I miss you guys, and Nil too.

Next is my beloved selfproclaimed godsister, Martipa Munawer! Her birthday was yesterday, 9th October. I had wanted to be the first to wish her by sending her short message at 12a.m. Unfortunately, at that time, DiGi send me a message informing me of my credit's expiry. Tough luck. I didn't get to be the first. Damn.

Tipa

I had noticed her when I was in form four. I saw that this pretty face was rather quiet. Then again, how loud should I expect her to be infront of so many strangers. Even I would be quiet under such circumstances. I only made friends with her around the middle, or close to the end, of my form four year. I somehow knew I would be really close with her.

Turns out, within a few months, I got really close with her. Then slowly she became my self-proclaimed godsister. In form five, we were inseparable. I always have such a good time with her. Playing around like two psychotic kids given a day off from the mental institution. Good times indeed.

I missed her the most when I graduated from my high school. I remember during my prom night. She was a bit more tomboyish, so dresses and skirts are really not her style. I had talked to her the night before and suggested she wore something more girlish for the Prom. She was such a sweet sister, she came in a sweet skirt.

Tipa is a cheerful, active, funny, smart, and a beautiful girl. I had one picture of her in a long skirt and a blue shirt she wore for the concert we had, she looked so beautiful in them, but I lost the picture. Anyway, Happy belated Birthday my dear, I love ya!

Coming soon on the 16th of October. The day when the new movie, Max Payne, is released. The movie based on one of my favourite games. Also the day when Jessie was borned. My Jessie. Jessie of America. The Jessie who I don't really know but feel strongly attached to each time I see her.

Jessie

I cannot say much about Jessie because I don't really know enough about her. I was always shy and frozen when I see her. Which is such a waste because I had missed so many opportunities to get to know this girl. And now she has summer school so often that she rarely comes back to Malaysia. Another reason I am unable to speak to her is my indecision of selecting my default language with her. I am torn between mandarin, english, or learning hokkien. Until now I have yet to make my mind to get comfortable with which language, or dialect.

Those of you looking at her photo, don't even think about it. Yes, even you, girl. I am very protective of her particularly, don't ask why, even I don't know myself. Anyhow, I hope I will be able to converse with her comfortably with whatever language that flows smoothly between us the next time I see her. I am planning to go vacation in America after I finish A2. My parents are thinking whether to let me go or not. They won't be going with me because it will be too expensive. So it will either be me alone or no go at all. At first success seemed to be at hand. However, a few days ago my mom told my dad that the air tickets would cost RM4000. And then with the economy crisis America is having now. My chances are slimming.

Anyway, Happy early-wished 14th Birthday my baby, you know I love ya! Miss you and hope to see you next year-if not this!

Next up is Charlotte LML, Law YuYan, and Ivy Wong Wang Ging. Their birthday is in the exact sequence as their name. Charlotte on the 20th, YuYan on the 21st and Ivy on the 22nd.

(Left; Ivy. Right; YuYan)
I apologize, I do not have a photo of Charlotte. But Charlotte is a sweet girl, who has an addictive sweet smile. Her taste in hair style is unlike any I've seen in my lecture hall, and is uniquely beautiful at the same time. Charlotte likes chocolate (I think), so does most girls.

YuYan is my twin sister. We discovered each other in college and I took her in as my little sister, but because of the age difference, we settled for twins instead. You may noticed by now that I have an obsession with turning girl friends I meet into godsisters. My explanation is that I do not have an elder or younger sister and that I would love to have one since I was young. I had always enjoyed the idea of having a sister because girls are more understanding, sensitive, and considerate than boy siblings.

Ivy is rather secretive. There is alot I don't know about her. I can only say that she looks best when she smiles, so does everyone, but her smile is really nice. And she is a very observant girl.

So, have a very happy birthday Charlotte, YuYan, and Ivy! Hope we keep in touch after TAR college.

Lastly, is another of my ex-classmate, Olivia LWY! Her birthday is on the 26th October. I do not have a picture of her, sadly, but I know where to find her. She has a pet store somewhere in Melawati near the MIA. She quit studying after SPM and went straight for work. Before she opened a pet store, she had 9 dogs in her house, 2 cats, and a number of birds. She also worked for some company who cleans films. I don't really know what she does but according to my friend, she clears up any clutter or stuff in a movie so it runs smooth and clear. I was told that she worked on the movie Transformer. So, basically, she watched movies before it is released. After that, due to some work problems, she went on to becoming a pet store owner.

If you want to adopt any dogs or cats, you may try going to her and talking about it with her. She is a very nice person. Don't say you know me or she will kill me. We are close friends but she gets aggresive with me because of how I annoying I used to be back in high school. Nevertheless, Happy Be-early Birthday my dear friend, Olivia! God Bless!

That is about all of the people I know whose birthday I know is on the month of October. I think I just found out that my cousin's birthday is also on October but I don't know which date, so I will just say, Happy Birthday to you. In fact, happy birthday to all october birthdays! be it early or late! sad or happy! Your birthday is congratulated and remembered!

My Foot

2008-10-06T21:10:00.003+08:00

For the past few days until today, things have been quite on the off-side for me. My parents were unhappy with me for upsetting me. I don't think they realized they had breached my privacy and offended me. I was reasonably angry but my parents fought anger with anger.

I have had a persistent leg wound since 3 or 4 years ago. Last year I went for a minor surgery and got it fixed. And it came back early this year. Maybe I did not take good care of it after the surgery, I don't know for sure. My father made an impulsive decision or making an appointment at Glen Eagles for me last saturday. I had told him I would go see a doctor once my examination is through. My exam is just 14 days away and I cannot bear to waste anymore time I already have. However, my dad didn't care. I was upset that he didn't do it sooner, or at least wait later. Of all the times, these vital moments were chosen. It was two against one in the house. Absolutely no one ever supports me or at least try to understand me. I guess this is why I don't prefer if my brother return, because that would make it three against one. Though I think now my brother is not the same anymore, and maybe I would find some joy in his return. Either way, I am always - if not often - alone at home because no one is ever on my side. And I don't think I am always doing the wrong thing, it is just a case of ignorance to understanding.

I told my parents before how I would like it if they did not talk about my leg wound so much, especially not during meals and to people. However, they breached that completely and it just annoys the hell out of me. My mom, having nothing better to say to my 5 year old baby cousin, told her to look at my leg wound.

"See, see koko's leg"

"Ee, why is it like that?"

"Because koko naughty"

What the hell!? That is not proper conversation with a 5 year old. What a way to ruin my image in a 5 year old! I specifically mentioned before that I am very uncomfortable with them talking openly about my leg, and that time they even agreed to respect my wishes. What hit them and changed everything they promised? My dad was worse. My dad mentions it to everyone he sets his eyes upon. Whoever meets his eye have no escape from the truth of my foot.

I had forgiven them yesterday and decided to turn a deaf ear to every unpleasant words they say. I am going to counter them with logic and sense when they are too off sanity. Today, I went to Glen Eagles with my dad. On his way up, everyone he strikes a conversation to, from a market stall owner he know to the receptionist outside the clinic, he never fails to mention my foot. It was as though he was terrified that people might look at him in a weird way if he came in sick. By then I didn't care anymore. I was immune to my discomfort and felt more open about my leg wound. Which allowed me to now write about it. All thanks to my parent's in-consideration.

My doctor did not have the title doctor. He was, and still is, Mr Brendan J Bergin. At first, I thought he was a Christian Hindu. Turns out he's an Australian. He was a pretty cool doctor, compared to all the doctors I've seen. Though he was not a doctor, but a podiatrist. But he was still one of the best doctors I've talked to. He gave me a very logical and thorough explanation about everything, then told me about what he would do and how would it take effect. After a good briefing, he told me to sit on the bed thingy. Then he conducted the minor surgery. There were cutting and grinding and pulling and cleaning. He did not gave me any anaesthetic for the procedure. He said it would be more painful to give multiple injection around the infected area. I didn't care much so I just said 'okay' to almost everything. At some point it really did hurt but the pain were bearable.

Shsh asked me to compare the pain I felt. I replied saying, "It was like slicing an open wound and plucking your hair one by one for multiple times continuously at the same time".

At the end of the procedure, Mr. Brendan applied some liquid and told me it would sting. Instead I felt that it was cooling and refreshing. He praised me, "You're good. You're very pain tolerant." He said he has had worst patients and I am just what he needed for a Monday morning.

Mr. Brendan said that he had a indian woman patient once who was already screaming in pain when he was just looking at it. And another time when a western father and son came to see him, the child was afraid and the father was saying, "It's okay, son. We'll go through this together."

It was just funny looking at him impersonate them. He is definitely the coolest doctor I've seen. And he is rather young too. His wife owns a gym and he has two daughters. Youngest one is only 2 weeks old. I did not nose around and asked all these. He told us.

The visit cost RM229.10. I am supposed to see him again next Monday. He wants to see me again after that once my exam is finished. According to him, this foot injury could be a symptom to something else. He got me worried. There's more? Either he is one of those doctors who bring out every single thing, for money or maybe something else, or it could really be something serious. I eat healthy, I shit healthy, I should be fine, right?

I had planned to finish 6 Pure Maths past year paper today. But I only managed one. I know everyone has already finished doing their past year papers and all they are doing now is revising. But I am not as motivated or as hardworking as them so I have to suffer now. Bad enough I have hard to handle parents and am the one having all these foot thing. I don't think my life is coming around my way yet.

To elaborate the seriousness of my foot injury [Warning; Appetite Destroyer Content] , it bleeds everyday. It hurts when there is a slight amount of pressure. About three to four drops of blood lost per day and multiply that with 4 years. During the times when someone step on my foot or when I play sports, two to four times the amount of blood lost per day flows out. I know this is disgusting to many people, but don't blame me because I had already put up a warning. One may wonder, how much of a stubborn idiot I could be for withstanding all these pain and blood lost without doing anything for 4 bloody years!? Well, I did something last year, but it came back. And also I was uncomfortable about it so I was reluctant to let a complete stranger to see it. Hell, even my friends don't know that I shed blood just to play sports with them. I love sports, so I can't let a few drops of blood to stop me from playing with my friends. I think some of them think that I am just giving excuses when I say I can't play well because my leg hurts, but I'd rather they think that than know the disaster I am hiding.

No everything is out and hopefully, after being treated by Mr. Brendan J Bergin, this problem will never return to haunt me, my children, my grandchildren, and further generation to come.

Closing Curtain Of The BNBD Legacy

2008-09-29T19:08:00.009+08:00

There was practically nothing to study at school today. I just went for the sake of the second last day of school. The real last day of school is this Friday and I will definitely be there as well. During my first period, General Paper, Ms.Jeswynna gave us all some last words for the upcoming test. Then for Pure Mathematics I did nothing but walk around. Mr.Yap gave me the Cashflow game. But I handed my pendrive to Edte to upload it onto his computer first. The next lecture was Chemistry, Mr.Low discussed past year papers with us. He confused us at first then turned back to normal and gave everyone a long moment of confusion. After that the lecture was all finished and I had Pure Mathematics tutorial next. We tried to play the Cashflow boardgame but there just wasn't enough time, so everybody settled for Mahjong cards. It was Soka versus TeYi versus Mr.Yap. Soka won the most. Mr.Yap could have won two games but he got one instead because he was greedy. It was fun watching them play, especially during the last game when there was a lecturer waiting outside and Mr.Yap quickly finished the game by winning.

We did not attend anymore classes after that. We, the BNBDs, went out to TBR for lunch. We went there, all 6 of us, inside Taho's car. Four at the back and two at the front. Full and energised later, we headed to KLCC (Kuala Lumpur Cyber Cafe). Played for three hours, telling ourselves that this would be the last time we can play with each other in the Cyber Cafe. We played three games of DotA and one game of FoC. At the end of our timed gameplay, we drove to TeYi's house to hand her some notes before going back to college. It was fun and crazy in the car as we were searching for her house. We came across the police at one point. Edte slouched downwards to hide himself. It was presumably illegal to have four people behind.

Back at college we took some pictures together before each leaving for their own home. It was quite a fun day at school. Last days are always the Best days. To be specific, Friday is the last day. And on Friday we will be playing lots of sports again. Hopefully this time more people can join. Jolene? Ling Fan? Sunny?

Outside the College Hall

By the College Hall

In the College Hall

Deeper In the College Hall
And there we are. . .The BNBDs (Boy-Nyuh-Boy-Dae), otherwise known as the Bo[Y]s Generation. Here are the members of the group BNBD.

Boy Nyuh Boy Dae - Bo[Y]s Generation

Cute And Dorky Leader Edte

Stage Name : Edte
Birth Name : Edmond Teoh
Date of Birth : January 27, 1989
Position : Leader, main supplier

Bright And Energetic Sezh

Stage Name : Sezh
Birth Name : Bryan See Tho
Date of Birth : May 23, 1989
Position : Main vocalist, Jester

Boy Nyuh Boy Dae Maknae Soka

Stage Name : Soka
Birth Name : Song Yee Kai
Date of Birth : January 18, 1989
Position : Group Athlete, Tactical Specialist

The Cheerful Prince Taho

Stage Name : Taho
Birth Name : Tan Pang Hoon
Date of Birth : January 19, 1989
Position : Main teacher, transporter

Boy Nyuh Boy Dae Black Pearl Taki

Stage Name : Taki
Birth Name : Tan Cheng Kiat
Date of Birth : December 13, 1989
Position : Main counsellor, Technical advisor

Ice Prince Thsh

Stage Name : Thsh
Birth Name : Thum Weng Shen
Date of Birth : January 5, 1989
Position : Lead fashion, DotA guru, Group Athlete

(If you cannot recognize the deja vu, then visit Edmond's blog, in his second post.)

Love And Despair

2008-09-26T21:09:00.003+08:00

I did something inappropriate and now my friends are upset. They are unhappy with me and I guess I deserved it in their point of view. I apologize for everything and has taken the action of removing the cause of explosion. There is nothing I can really do but lie the fate of our friendship in their willing to forgive and forget, as I am truly sorry and admit that I may have acted rather unnecessarily and irrationally.

Today was not a study day for me, it was more of a game day. I played Monopoly, Mahjong cards and Big Two with the guys. The whole day was spent playing around. During Biology lecture, we had so much fun, messing with the juniors with Ms. Chong, my Biology lecturer. I entered and pointed at them saying arrogantly, "You all wrong DK la!"
I was clearly playing a fool, not intentionally doing any harm. I hope they know that because I've been meeting a lot of serious people in the juniors. Ms.Chong took control and told the juniors to leave the DK as we have a class here. The juniors claimed the DK because they had thought that it was free for them since we weren't using it last week (last week our biology lecture was moved earlier). Such early conclusions they make based on one data. They all left, but left without their bags.

Half way through the class, Ms.Chong told them to take their bags out because we were trying to have a class here but there are so many bags and folders on the table. These juniors are quite rude actually. But there was one guy who was super polite, I like him.

After Biology, we went to the canteen for lunch. Edte left when his mother came. There was just me, Taki, Soka, and Taho. We talked about Sunny. We talked about how people think that I am going to be with her without caring that I might not. I just want to make a new friend but some would prefer to exaggerate my intentions. I didn't mind because nobody knows what will happen in the future, but for the time being I am not expecting anything. Neither is she, I guess. I don't know what goes on in a girl's mind, it is so confusing and hard to understand in there. Later they agreed to follow me to find Sunny, we stopped quite far from her to discuss our approach. It was very funny. Taho was my brain-storming-researcher, Soka was my Tanker-tactic-master, and Taki was Decoy/bait. We were cracking each other up madly about our approach. Finally, they settled on this. . .

As we are near Sunny,
Soka: Hey, lets go take forecast lo (looks at Taki). Have you taken your forecast?
Taki: No, not yet.
Taho: ........
Sezh (me): I take ady, you all go lah
Sezh deviates to Sunny
"Hi" sits down opposite Sunny. "Hi"
Looks at her phone. "What brand of phone is that?"
"Samsung"
"Oh, samsung is bad."
"Why?"
"well, when I went to korea once, this tour guide. . . . ."

And so I moved on from there to an hour and a half long conversation with her. She is getting more comfortable in talking to me. At first she was super quiet, now she is talking more, a lot more. I planned to talk to her for an hour only. But since my mom didn't call me, so I continued for another 30 minutes until my mom called.

As I was driving home, I was really sleepy. I could not switch because my mom and my cousin was already asleep. So I tried myself to stay as sober as possible. There were times when my mind drifts off but luckily I always snapped out of it on time to step on the brake. It was a really scary drive for me.

At home, I watched Zohan, and find it an extremely disturbing movie. I would say it is one of Adam's less amazing movie.

I went out for dinner with my mom and my cousin. My dad was out stationed so he won't join us for dinner. Therefore, my cousin chose Thai Food. It is a small restaurant in Taman Seraya and it is awesome. The food is extremely spicy but taste so good at the same time that I didn't mind bearing the hotness. According to my witnesses, I was red and sweating. I used up alot of tissue. I am not a spicy food guy so I am still an amateur in spicyness. But it was, nontheless, delicious. Very thai.

As for now, I really don't know what to do. I am lost here and there. Alone in the darkness of decisions. I stayed up until 1a.m last night to watch Green Mile. Green Mile is one of my favourite movies. I loved it even more than Happy Feet and as much as V for Vendetta. Green Mile, based on a novel by Stephen King, was about a prisoner who has heavenly powers, accused of rape and murder of two little girls. It was a story of how he touched every officer in the Green Mile until the day of his sentence. This is a very touching story that I would recommend to everyone who hasn't watched it. It is a rather old movie so everyone should have seen it by now. It is a must see movie in your life.

Now I will retreat to my cave of love and despair. . . .

Why Don't You Like Me?

2008-09-25T18:09:00.004+08:00

My artistic plan is canceled. I have decided to end this plan because I don't feel like anyone would have the time to do it for me and also because more than half of the lecture mates weren't present today.

After my Biology practical today, we, the BNBDs, went for our 2 and a half hour sports fest. First game played was Basketball. There was Soka, Taki, Taho, Thsh, Edte, Me, Joyce, Siao Ying, and Nithiyaa. First quarter was on the right side on the court. It was very sunny. When the people on the left side left, we went there to continue our first half of the game. I sucked terribly. Maybe it's because I have not played for a long time. Then I saw Jolene and invited her to play. I made some empty talks. I hope it didn't sound serious to them, but I was actually just making small talks. General look of stuff. Jolene finally agreed to play one game. Then there was 10 people and we made a perfect team.

Soka, Taki, Jolene, Taho, Nithiyaa
Versus
Me, Thsh, Edte, Siao Ying, Joyce.

My team lost because I was not on form at all. I played terribly. Therefore I was not helpful and also caused the team to lose a lot of points. After Jolene left, we cooled down for a bit before walking to the sports complex. Edte helped us register for the badminton and table tennis. We played in the Sports Complex for one and a half hour. Badminton was fun, I like badminton. I'm not so good in ping pong. Just average.

We were all pretty damn tired after all the games. Soka brought tennis balls as well but we didn't have anymore time to play. I went to change my clothes and took my bag from Taho's car. Then we all walked down to the canteen. After a quick lunch, Taho, Nithiyaa and I were headed for our General Paper lecture. While the others stayed in the canteen to play Mahjong Cards and Big Two.

The rest of the lecture went better than expected. Usually I would be bored and drowsy. But thanks to the vigorous exercise, I was energetic and sober. Before my last lecture of the day, I went to the office with Shindy to get our Class Representative certificates. I just got an Assistant Class Representative, but it was better than nothing. Overall, the day sucked because I didn't get to meet my new friend and because I sucked tremendously in sports. But it was quite a productive day and I am glad because of that.

At first I questioned the purpose of Don making his blog private, but after looking broadly at all possible scenarios I could think of, I have come to respect his idea. I guess there are no such thing as perfection. There will always be flaws and goods in everything. Such as there are the good and bad in abortion. Nothing is ever perfect. Take respiration for example, our lungs are incapable of breathing in purely oxygen. There is no such selection. We can only extract it from the air we breathe in. However, I do love this imperfection, because if everything were to be perfect, there would be nothing to talk about, to think about, to ask about, or discover about. Which makes me proud of being ranked as a C class student in TARC. I am not perfect.

Empty Post

2008-09-21T16:55:00.003+08:00

A whole bunch of sleeping is involved today. I only managed complete one chapter from biology throughout the weekend. I should be completing the whole of my past year papers. I'm just bored. I do not have anything to write about, and that is an infringement of my blog. I should not blog useless, unnecessary, empty rants. However, in order to breaking my law, I will attach two videos. Naturally, they are DotA videos. Please do not interpret me as a DotA-maniac. I am not as obsessed with that genre of Warcraft III as I may appear to be. Though most of my videos are related to it, though most of my conversations with friends are about it, but I am not addicted to it. I can, in fact, live without it. I have seen what its addiction produces and it not something pleasant. I neither hate the game nor love the game. I merely play the game when I want to play a game and it is the best game available and known to me at these times. Anyway, here are the two DotA videos, especially to DotA players. Enjoy.

DotA Olympics

This is another video made by one of my favourite DotA video maker.

The next DotA video is rather obscene and should not be viewed by DotA players of age 17 and below. Now that I have done my part with the warning, I am not responsible for your viewing. Blame your curiosity and uncontrollable will power. That is if you are 17 and below. If you are older, then, by all means, get excited over it.

Sven Victory Blowjob

Am I Now Who I Was?

2008-09-19T20:31:00.000+08:00

"Bryan, we're leaving now"
Rising my eye lids from the remnants of my slumber, I nodded weakly, anxious to return to my dream. After a forgotten fantasy, I awoke to reality. I came back and just realized I was home alone. They, my only house companions, had left to Cameron Highlands, again, but this time with my father's colleague. I prepared a simple peanut butter and bread for breakfast.

Half way through my nine-bite size square bread, my mother's friend came to collect the Hari Raya Hampers. I helped her carry six hampers into her small car and went back to my breakfast after she had left. My mother called. Judging by the background noise, they were still in the car. She asked me to find the number for the famous salted chicken restaurant in Ipoh.

Without the main chef in the house, I will have to take her post for this two days. I had planned to buy lunch later when I meet my close friend to get some cookies my mom had ordered for her hampers. For dinner I will either make fish congee or boneless duck noodles. Talking about cooking reminds me of the time when I invented a type of spaghetti out of pressure. I know some - if not all - will feel disgusted when I write about this invention, but I think I am used to it by now since almost everything I make gets the reaction, "Eee, can eat one meh?", or even before I cook I get the react, "Can eat one or not?" Sometimes, I wonder, is my cooking so disgusting that it taste bad before it is tasted? Its a funny thought.

One night, we were all hungry and no dinner was prepared. We were me, my father, my mother, my brother and one cousin. We had wanted to go out for dinner, unfortunately, it was raining heavily. The sky was literally pouring buckets of water down, drowning everything in its wake. So, drastic measures were taken and I was appointed with the duty of making a quick dinner. My mom specializes in delicious long duration dinner. I was the one who makes fast food.

Under pressure, I frantic every cupboard and drawers in the kitchen searching for anything usable in my new invention. I had decided on spaghetti because it was the fastest ingredient available. But there was no tomato or any tomato puree around to make the sauce. A spaghetti cannot exist without its sauce, that would be just so wrong. Using my instant decision and feelings, I used the leftover mandarins to make the sauce. Chinese New Year was not too far behind, so there was mandarin in the fruit pot. I squeezed the juice out of the mandarin oranges, added some salt and pepper, olive oil, and I don't remember what else. Everything happened so fast and so perfect. I think there were cherry tomatoes as well.

The plate had spaghetti in the middle, drowned in mandarin sauce, topped with stuff and chopped cherry tomatoes. I couldn't remember exactly what I did anymore, it was a quick thing. I just remember it satisfied everyone and dinner was successfully solved. My brother complimented it. My brother actually praised that invention. He said, "It's quite good" You have to understand, it is not easy for my brother to praise me, ever. So it was quite a big moment. A weird invention pleased the family. However, pessimistic as I am, I tell myself that whenever a person is hungry, anything taste good.

Flashing back and comparing it with now, I find that my creativity and passion for experimenting has depleted. I don't feel like I am capable of thinking up these crazy inventions anymore. Maybe I just need to get back into the kitchen with that cooling downpour and pressuring environment.

I should try to go back to studying now. Wasting time is what I have been doing for too long and too often. I must work hard. But for what? Until I find the answer to that, I can never have the mood to work hard without forcing myself to work hard. Anyway, I leave you with this video I found in Youtube for the DotA players.

Disappeared Lanaya

Experiment 001

2008-09-17T19:32:00.002+08:00

_____________________________________________________
The aim of this experiment is to determine the average flatus in an hour.
The independent variable is the lifestyle of the subjects.
The dependent variable is the flatulence count.
The constant variable is the age of the subjects.
For this experiment, volunteer C1, C2, and A1, was the subjects. C1 and C2 are male, where as A1 is a female. Subjects were told to mark down each flatus starting from 0900 Tuesday, 16 September 2008, to 0900 Wednesday, 17 September 2008. Data collection will be up to the subjects. Subjects are free to just record the amount or include the time, frequency, expected volume, and other relevant factors.
C1 released 14 flatus within the given time, highest frequency is between 1500 to 1800.
C2 released 16 flatus, no other details were recorded.
A1 released a miserable total of 2 flatus, no further details were recorded.
C1 has an average of 0.583 flatus per hour.
C2 has an average of 0.667 flatus per hour.
A1 has an average of 0.083 flatus per hour.
The average flatus of the 19 year old subjects are 0.444 flatus per hour.
Other constant variables include race, species, and time taken.
It is expected that an average student of SN8 releases a flatus inside an hour has the probability of 4/9. Data also shows that the female gender has less flatus than the male by almost 88% less.
Errors in this experiment is the range of the data and the amount of data collected. More subjects is needed for accuracy.
_____________________________________________________

Today, after school, after showering, I went to the hospital with my parents. My uncle was admitted to the hospital because of some back bone problem. He had a surgery two days ago and now he is fine. He is one of my favourite uncles. And he is a very strong man. So he could still sit up and walk around after that spinal operation. He will be going home tomorrow since he is doing quite well. I wouldn't suggest him to remain in that hospital any longer either. The nurses in that hospital is terrible. Well, I shan't condemn every single nurse so I will just say a couple of the nurse I saw was terrible.

The food nurse came in and just placed the tray of dinner on their rectangular table. Then she left. And was never back. The old man beside my uncle's bed couldn't reach his food because the table was at the end of the bed. So my dad helped the old man pushed the table towards the middle of the bed so that the old man can eat. It looked so painful when the old man was struggling to get up and move towards the table. I could not feel his pain but I understood it enough. What sort of nurse are they? Were they trained to be cold-hearted-ignorant nurses at nurse school? I thought nurse were supposed to be part of the healing of a patient. When a doctor's job is at it's limit, it is up to the nurse's kindness, empathy, care, and aid to fully bring a patient to recovery. A nurse's job is very important in taking care of the patient's mental and physical. The fighting spirit and confidence are what the nurses should be nursing. I don't know what type of nurse work in that hospital, but definitely not the kind that guide's the patient to recovery. Patients are on their own once the doctor is done with them. Disappointing indeed.

I have nothing further to rant about today, so this is a short one. Have a good day, you.

Strawberry White Chocolate

2008-09-16T20:50:00.002+08:00

There is nothing in school that I want to talk about. Basically, I had an ordinary day. One of those average schools days where we just follow the schedule, nothing unique happens, nothing abnormal, subnormal, paranormal, or special normal. Except two things. Two important things started today, at school.

Firstly, I shared all my high school psychotic freaky odd stories with Taki. Taki only shared a couple of stories, so it was more of a one sided story telling session. I just love stories. True stories. Background stories. Life stories. Histories. I will not share them here for I am saving it up for a face-to-face type of time-waster topics. Besides, I would not be sharing my stories if I wrote them here. I would be giving them out for free. I would prefer to trade stories and do it in person because my blog is incapable of giving out the proper facial expression and bodily actions. In addition to it's incompetence, my blog is unable to give a quote or part of a dialogue vital to the story the sorry intonation, pronounciation, expression, drama, and volume. Anyway, in the end, Taki rated my school's insanity a 7 out of 10.

Secondly, I started a Flatulence Count Experiment. It starts from 9a.m. this morning and will stop at exactly 9a.m. tomorrow morning. I have invited Taki (C class), JoLene (A class), and Tang Yang (B class) to join me in this experiment. The other invited ones are either too shy or fearful to conduct this experiment. The record of the data is free. One can just note down each time it happens or give more detail to the note such as time it happened and the length of it, whether does it come in pulses or continuous flow, loudness is a considerable factor as it is connected to the volume and rate of ejection. To those who may be confused, the more widely used term for flatus is fart, or kentut in the malay term. I will post the results of my data of determining the average of flatus released per hour after I have gathered all the data from the volunteers tomorrow. My data range may be too small to be significant but it should be enough to give a rather reliable statistic to the average of flatus released in SN8A,B & C. Though I have a feeling that SN8B's representative might not be doing this experiment. But you will get the results tomorrow where I will state whether the statistics were to be applied to all three classes or just A and C.

Other than those two, nothing relatively interesting occured today. However, the bad things happen after school. When my mom came to fetch me, she brought us to Carrefour. She was shopping for stuff she needed for her Hari Raya Hampers. She just needed another 26 bottles of sparkling juice and 8 boxes of some dried prunes thing. In addition to the trolley, I added a bottle of A&W Rootbeer (my favourite soft drink), pringles, chipsmore, and forgot my vanilla ice cream (damn!). I was very hungry that time. After payment, we went to search for food in Carrefour. My dad was not coming home for dinner, so my mom thought that we could just simply find some place and get dinner over with.

Initially, she suggested Burger King, as a young adult I was overjoyed, then she changed her mind and went to some restaurant called RasaMas instead. The food was either average or below average. To be specific, the chicken was average, the rice was below average, the vegetables were average, the drinks were average, the desserts were below average, the soup was very much below average, and the appetizers were average. Sorry to say, but I will never eat in that place ever again, unless the whole continent suddenly exploded and it was the only restaurant standing with food and water available.

After our early dinner, we started to slowly walk towards the carpark. When they, my mom and my cousin, were looking at something, I walked ahead of them. Suddenly a lady came up to me from a small stall nearby and promoted me about some lotion of some sort. I said thanks but no thanks, however it seems that she had gone deaf to my implications that time. Then she took hold of my hand. [Oh my god, I need an adult!] She dug her finger into the tiny container she was holding and scrapped out a lump of white sandy lotion. [Mom!!!]. Then she started telling me about the miracles of this lotion while forcefully rubbing the lotion on my right arm. My mom and my cousin passed me, giggled towards me and walked away. The fat persistent lady refused to let go of my hand. She was rubbing the lotion all over my arm now. This was harassment. Forgive me for mentioning the word fat but because her appearance could only be described by that word and I would like to be at least slightly specific about my stories.

I was alone and my arm was being molested by a keen promoter. I had to listen to her while she finishes her crime against my limbs. Later she scrubbed so much that the lotion were solidifying. She said that the cream was trapping all the dark spots and whatever shit that she claims was on my skin. Then she took a wet cloth and wipe my hand clean. Took a tissue and dried my arm. I felt thoroughly violated. I felt dirty and impure. A fat elder lady had aggressively raped my right arm.

When there was nothing left on my arm which could satisfy her promoting desires, she started to manipulate me to buy her product. That is when she will fail because I am very confident when it comes to my brain power, or will power. In this battle of the brains, she will never be able to make me pay for something I don't need or want. She told me that one small container cost RM15 and one box will cost RM45. There were three containers in that box, I know how to calculate, you don't need to tell me it cost RM45 unless it was cheaper. Then she told me not to worry because the cream contains no chemicals. No chemicals. She freaking said no bloody chemicals. I think she should go find the definition of chemicals before she talks to me about chemicals. The whole container contains chemicals! Geez! First she molested me then she insults my math and chemistry.

She reduced it to RM5. Then I didn't want. Then she said she will give it to me. I thought, "Oh, free item". When I walked back one step, she said she would give it to me for RM10. That is when I think she has some serious mental issues. She was completely obsessed with selling even one product and her desperation had pushed me away. My answer became final and I never wanted it, she forced me through every bloody thing. Then she became unhappy and glared at me while I leave. She freaking glared at me as though I was to be blamed! As though I was guilty for not purchasing something I never even thought of spending money on!

Looking back, I was just an innocent, minding my own business boy walking pass the corridor heading towards the parking zone. Rejecting the product first hand. But she was the one who cross her line and bloody scared the hell out of me. She has hell to pay if I was someone crazy enough to waste time and money to file a lawsuit against her for harassment. Fortunately, I was more calm and forgiving. She may have some problems which causes her to be so desperate in selling even one container. Perhaps children issues or something else. Anyway, I am not responsible to help her because I am not in any way related to her and also I know nothing about her or her story. Therefore I can only say that she was this large irritating lady who was desperate in emptying her stall.

When I could finally reach the car, I was told to drive because my mom was sleepy after eating and my cousin said her leg hurts so she couldn't drive. Fortunately, there was no huge jams even though it was 5.30p.m. already. Unfortunately, the traffic jam was around my area. I reached home around 6.30p.m. or more. Took a shower and watched Click. The first part where Rob Schneider played as Prince Habeeboo was really funny. I love Adam Sandler movies. There will always be his good pal, Rob Schneider, in his movies. The story in Click really cheers me up. It has a lot of good values in the movie. Such as family comes first. But one of the main reasons I love that movie is because the little girl who played as Samantha in that movie is a very very adorable and pretty little girl.

I tried to study after watching the movie, but was rather tired. Instead, I went to my computer and blog out everything. Based on my experience so far, this part of the year seems to be very rough on my mental and physical. It is no wonder my academic performance seem to be dropping drastically. My mood has been twisted and turned until it is worn out and decayed. It will take time, luck, and effort to get a new mood piece.

My First Time Being Tagged

2008-09-15T21:39:00.003+08:00

The original entry for today is below this post (the one with my lecturer pictures). I am writing a second post because Huay Ee has tagged me. Now I am obliged to fulfill this duty due to unknown reasons and non-existing rewards. Anyhow, based on my observations, I will have to complete my part for this event as I am tagged.

1.6 person I tagged:
Siao Ying
Shindy
Ling Fan
Tiffany
Incredible Hulk
Charlie Chaplin

2.6 things I'm passionate about:
A) Feelings
B) Freaking people out
C) Anything Edible
D) Manga
E) My Blog
F) My porcupine spike

3. 6 things I say too often:
A) You know. . . .
B) Hi
C) Why. . .
D) I'm Bored/sien
E) GG loh
F) Wei! leng lui at __ o'clock!

4. 6 books I've recently read
A) Soon I Will Be Invincible
B) The Eyes of Darkness
C) Salmon of Doubt (which I could not finish because my brother took it without permission)
D) Shin Chan book 34
E) Shin Chan book 35
F) Shin Chan book 36

5. 6 song I listen to again and again
A) I Love The Whole World - Discovery Channel
B) I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
C) So Long And Thanks For All The Fish - Al Green
D) If You're Missing (Come On Home) - Bethany Joy Lenz
E) Over You - Chris Daughtry
F) Overkill - Colin Hay

6. 6 things I learn from my past
A) Don't lose confidence
B) Don't regret
C) Enjoy every moment
D) Don't decide when indecisive
E) Don't conclude through assumption
F) Be Brave

2007/2008 A-levels TAR College Lecturers of SN8 Batch

2008-09-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

I have finally compiled all the photos taken with my lecturers. Before this, Tiffany was making us pay her RM5 for a gift she was preparing for all the lecturers before flying to Europe. She made a card for every lecturer. Then she asked us all to take a picture with the lecturer, to which will be framed and presented to the respective lecturer along with the card. Unfortunately, last week Mr. Yap was no present. So Tiffany was unable to take a photo with him. We had to do it today. However, Tiffany would be left out of the picture.

Ms.Chin - Applied Mathematics - Since in Sem 3

Ms.Chong - Biology - Since Sem 1

Ms.Ong - Physics - Since Sem 1

Mr.Low - Chemistry - Since Sem 1

Mr.Low again. But I was the photographer. I told them to look arrogant and cocky. This one was for fun.

Ms.Jeswynna - General Paper - Since Sem 3

Mr.Yap - Applied Mathematics - Sem 1 and Sem 2 - Pure Mathematics - Sem 3

Blue Pill? Red Pill?

2008-09-12T20:35:00.002+08:00

Just like any other day, I ask myself the same question, "Is today a bad day? or a good day?"
I started off playing cards with my friends at the clubhouse in the morning. I had some wins and some losses. More losses than wins to be exact.
One of my lecturers were absent so my last lecture of the day was moved up, thus school ended earlier. Classes finished at 12p.m.
Me and the rest of BNBD went to do our business with CP. There was one gain and one loss.
I learned a new word yesterday and today, and am having fun with it.
Kireke - crazy
Ombedhe - nine
Kireke ombedhe - crazy nine
Tamil. Nide taught me.
The whole lecture seemed to be drained of spirit today. As Ms Ong and Ms Chong had noticed, we were like lifeless bodies. Everybody must be stressing our every night studying hard for the A2. While I am not part of the lifeless souls because I am not studying as hard as them, or any at all. I wished I could be like them. Be able to have the worry, the dedication, the hardworking, the energy and spirit to look at the books and answer sets of questions. I tried but my heart is not there.
Edte brought me back to school after our business. I had prayed to meet Sunny. Her class finishes at 2p.m. It was 3p.m. My chances were obviously slanted. What are the odds she would still be in school one hour after her class ended.
My brother was leaving to Singapore. He may have a job soon. If not with Motorola, then with Nestle. My mom had to fetch him to the bus stop. So she could only pick me up at 4p.m. Any earlier was impossible if I had to do my business with the BNBDs and CP.
I wanted to talk to Sunny until it was time for me to leave, so that I won't be bored while waiting one hour for my mom. I kept telling myself that she was there, she had not left, somehow, she was just there. As I was closing in to Canteen 1. She appeared. She was there. She had not left. She stayed for an hour. Why? I didn't care. To stay with her boyfriend perhaps? I didn't care.
She went to the toilet. I couldn't greet her. I went to the canteen. I stayed there for a while. Bored. I went to the toilet. Urinated. I went back to the canteen. Bored. I gave the time to a stranger student. I walked around. Nervous. I sat on a bench at the corridor near the toilet. Relaxed. She took a hell of a long time in the toilet. I had no idea what kept her in there. Me? Did she know I was secretly planning to engage her into a conversation?
Although it was just around 10 to 15 minutes, it felt like she was in there for an eternity. When she came out, there was a lot of people passing by, I quickly said hello.
"Hi"
"Hi" looking away, preparing to leave.
"Hey, are you free now?"
People walking in between us. Cutting me from the sight of her. We both waiting. They passed. We reconnected our gaze.
"I'm going home."
"Oh."
"Bye"
"Bye"
She left. She was walking further away. I was thinking. Why was I such a fool? She is walking away. What was I doing sitting there and looking at her back? She looked like she was in a hurry to leave, though. A person who wants to stay would not seem like she was more keen on leaving. Sunny was keen on leaving. Based on the numerous times she disconnected our eye contact and the twist of her body for the gesture of departure. Or am I being hypersensitive about these minor actions? Why did I not chase her and tell her I wanted her to stay for 30 minutes with me and chat? Just plain chatting to waste some time? Just 30 minutes. What was stopping me? what was wrong with me? Was I afraid to feel like I was forcing her, giving her no choice, to stay and chat with me even though deep down she wanted to leave?
I had wasted a very good chance to rid me off my one hour boredom. To talk to this new friend I never had the chance to really talk to, in private. To feel like there was unlimited time to our engagement. To have a second meeting. Why am I such a coward? What am I afraid of losing? What is wrong with me?
In the car, my mom told me how I had ruined my brother's plan by suddenly changing the time of my departure. I was feeling even worse. I was hating myself even more. I was a total jerk. An insensitive, selfish, coward. My brother had planned to cook lunch for both of us before he leave. He had already steamed the rice himself and cooked a chicken. He was really planning to have lunch with me before he left. I was such an inconsiderate, selfish, bastard to tell my mom that it was fine to fetch me at 4p.m. just because I wanted to play with my friends and then meet Sunny.
And the fact that I did not brave myself to go all-out on Sunny made me felt worse as a little brother. I am a disappointment at that moment. I had disappointed my brother, and to that I even went and disappoint myself.
My mom warmed up the rice and the chicken for me as dinner.
I watched the ending of Fate Stay Night. I feel sad.
After dinner, I drank two shots of rum. First one was pure rum. It was quite strong on my tongue. Felt very weird. 40% alcohol. Second shot was rum with water. Tasted better and less strong. It was just a teaspoon of rum and the effect was so strong.
I ate some watermelon after. I am not drunk. It was just two shots of rum.

So it all sums up to my final question before I end my day. Did I had a good day? or a bad day? I would say that I had a good day. I learned a bit of Tamil, my friends were really cool with me, my brother has changed his ways with me, he cooked for me, I managed to meet Sunny just like I wished for - only that I did not wish for the part where we sat and chat after the meeting, and I got to try the taste of rum. I also know more about my weakness and where else should I apply some courage. All I need now is a hug from someone besides my parents. I had not hugged anyone for so long. Back in high school, it was rather normal to hug my friends. Mainly girls because the guys were to scared and superstitious. I got a hug almost everyday. Especially with a girl I was really close with, Roslyn. Something happened between us, in which I don't know about, and we are not as close as we used to be, but still quite close nonetheless. Girls are sometimes so hard to understand. They don't express themselves as openly as most guys do. They expect guys to be able to read their mind and understand everything. When they react, they expect the guy to know why from scratch without any hint. Fortunately, all girls are not like that. Thank God to individuality.

Anyhow, I would really like it if I could find someone willing to hug just for the sake of hugging. Hugging makes both sides feel warm and happy. It is a gesture of care and companionship which easily lifts the emotion of both parties. Hugging is not a form of perversion or something belonging to lovers. Hugging is open for all. Hugging should not be felt as insecurity, but, in fact otherwise. Hugging should not have a paranoia, but, acceptance. So spread your arms and give the person closest to you a hug now. Hug the first person you see in the morning instead of wishing her Good Morning. Greet with your body. Follow me on a Hug Fest on Monday! Hug everyone that you would usually use words to bond with! Then let me take a picture of it so I can gather it all up together and make a hug poster to post on my blog. Then it would be so nice and so awesome.
"Rub away the shy,
take away the cry,
give together a hug,
give it a little tug."

Not Just Another Cameron Trip

2008-09-08T20:01:00.003+08:00

The journey was supposed to be held at 7a.m. in the morning, sharp. My brother and I were deep sleepers, so we left around 8a.m. I was the navigator on the passenger seat while my mom and my brother hanged out behind until they eventually tire and fell to sleep. My dad handed me a map he printed from some website and highlighted one specific location, Menglembu. I had never been to that place before. My dad wanted to go there because my brother had told him his friend had told him that there was a terrific Char Siew Pau in that area which could make you cry. My father was tempted by this magical Char Siew Pau, so he granted my brother's wish and brought us there.

My Sleeping Brother
Menglembu was just opposite of Simpang Pulai. Since Simplang Pulai was the route we will take to reach Cameron Highlands, it was alright to go eat lunch at Menglembu. As usual, we took the long and bumpy road to find Menglembu when there was a much shorter path, which we discovered later when we were leaving to Simpang Pulai. It was a tradition we endure for every first drive visits.

Menglembu
A few more minutes before we reached Menglembu, I, the navigator, fell asleep. All I knew after that was that my brother had called his friend in Singapore to get specific directions to that specific restaurant with the magical Char Siew Pau that can make people cry by eating it. Me and my dad ate Teow Chew Porridge with other side dishes. My mom ate rojak. My brother ate wantan mee. We bought 13 paus, not all the same type of course.

The food there was cheaper than KL. Much cheaper compared to KL. It was still a rather unhygienic, undeveloped, old town. And the pau. Although it made none of us cry, the pau was truly delicious. The filling was generous and very juicy and sweet. The skin was soft and bouncy. It was the Pau from heaven. My mom told us that it was so good because the pau was handmade by old timers. The pau we have in KL were all made in factories. So it can never be compared to the awesomeness of veteran handmade pau.

After lunch, it was back on the road.

Waterfall we saw from the highway
When we were driving up hill, we, just like any other time, switched off the air conditioner and open out windows. The cold wind was refreshing. During our trip to the Villa, we made four stops at different places. We made wishes and threw coins. We did it on a bridge where there is a river below, at another bridge where there is forest below, at a very high area where it is all forest below, and another higher area where there are more forest below. It was some superstitious wish granting ritual that my mom made us three (me, my brother and my dad) do for our own good.

We checked in Villa Dahlia later. It was not really a villa, I made it up. It was more Apartment Dahlia. The rooms we get we based on chance. If you're lucky, you get a good room, if not, I feel sorry for you. There are no cooking utensils in the room. You'd have to go to the ground floor and pick the utensils you want to use from an old, creepy, ballroom. My dad has been staying there for quite a long time so he gets to stay for a cheaper price. Thus, Dahlia has been our only 'hotel' ever since. I do enjoy staying there though, it is adventurous and fun.

There was once we got really lucky and chanced a penthouse which was on the top floor. It was the only room in the whole building which has two floors, and lots of bedrooms. And the facilities and room condition of the penthouse was amazing. Lots of space and cleanliness. Well, we had three to four families that time, so it was easier to get the penthouse. I love the penthouse. Unfortunately, my big family vacation times are over. Most of my uncles are no longer able to leave their house for such holiday trips. I have no more chance of sleeping in that penthouse ever again.

It was raining heavily. My brother and my dad planned to go play golf. Unfortunate for them, they had to postpone it to the next day. They wasted time infront of the television. I was playing my computer. I had brought my computer with me because my mom told me to bring it for her to watch some chinese dramas when she gets bored. Then we changed our plans and decided to go to the Boh Plantation and drink tea there. Just before we entered the zone of twist and horn and turn, we saw the signboard which says open from 9a.m. to 4.30p.m. At that moment, it was 4p.m. What's the point? So, we put on the reverse gear and went straight back. We stopped at a small market and bought some stuff we need to add on the dinner.

Then we headed far downwards to Kampung Raja for tea. In order to compensate for the Boh Plantation mission failure. It was quiet there. Very quiet. Well, since it was the puasa month, so I guess it is normal that it is quiet. In fact, the only reason my dad came was because of the tranquility due to the puasa month.

The view from the second floor of this Tea Shop.
The tea and food was not as delicious and worthwhile that the Boh Plantation. But we were desperate. We did stay there for quite long. My dad was immovable. He was addicted to the cold wind blowing continuously. He was relaxed. So we stayed there and chatted for a very long time. We went back to the apartment directly after that. It was dinner time.

We brought our own ingredients, and equipments for the steamboat.

It was already fogging terribly outside. This means night is approaching.
It was raining heavily and steamboat was perfect. It was super. It was a perfect match. Steamboat in the cold environment. Awesome.

The corn we bought from one of the markets was very juicy and very sweet.
After dinner, while everybody was relaxing in front of the television, I was doing the dishes alone. Then I cleaned the table until it was spotless. Took a comforter from my parent's bed and laid it on the dining table. Took out our mahjong set and poured it all over the table.

The mahjong set was for three players only.
As you may have noticed, there were peanuts near all three of us. We wanted to gamble shilling at first, but we had none. So we gambled peanuts instead. Peanuts were our casino currency. I told my mom to take the picture of us while I was winning a lot of peanuts. Later, when my dad was on form, he won so much peanuts from me and my brother he could afford to eat some of his own 'money'.

I slept with my brother and my parents, naturally, sleep in another room, together. I had never slept with my brother since he left secondary 5 and went to Singapore.
.....
....
...
..
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I woke up quite early on Sunday. I couldn't sleep as comfortably since it was my first night away from my own bed.

We ate the magical pau for breakfast. Then my brother and my dad left for golf. My mom and I went out on our own to scour the towns. We drove around and checked discreet, hidden, inns. Then went to a market in Tanah Rata and bought some stuff we need. My mom was very happy after she bought her coffee filter from the market. According to her, that specific very useful coffee filter can hardly be found anywhere nowadays. So it made her happy. A coffee filter.

We went back when there was no where else we could go. In the apartment, while I was playing FOCs and TD in my computer, my mom was yelling and shouting like mad because she was bored. We had nothing to do until the two golfers return. I had forgotten to bring her chinese dramas so I couldn't let her watch them. When I had to stop her from disturbing the neighbours, I gave her my computer and let her play solitaire. She quieted down, thankfully. So I switched on the television and watched Spongebob Squarepants.

When the golfers came back, my mom prepared lunch and I got back my computer. After they had taken their shower, we had steamboat again. We finished all the remaining we had not eaten on Saturday night. Except that for this part of the steamboat, we had sukiyaki meat and noodles. The sukiyaki meat was mind blowing and stomach pleasuring. It was very juicy, very sweet, very delicious, and mouth watering. And because of all that mixed meat and vegetables, the soup was to die for.

We cleared up everything, showered, and packed our bags. It was time to check out and leave. In this trip, although I had brought my physics reading material, my brother did not force me to study or anything. In fact, after our honest to truth all-out email-conversation last time, I think he has changed his way of treating me. And I really liked that. We were finally having fun together. This was a very memorable event for me. It was the best he could be and I truly cherish this moment.

Rose Centre Market
Our first stop was Rose Centre, where the market was. Where we always stop to buy vegetables.

Downhill view from the fence at Rose Centre.
Then it was, finally, the Boh Plantation I had been waiting for. No more lousy Tea Shop at Kampung Raja.

The drive there was scary. My dad's new camry had not experienced this twist and turn in the narrow path to Boh Plantation before. And this new camry is wider than his old proton waja. I was worried.

I was even more worried when on one turn a large lorry was racing towards us. The fit was just right and my dad and the lorry were both going really slow making sure none of us will fall to our death. However, the view was beautiful.

Boh Plantation Tea House
The view from there was nothing compared to the view on our journey there. The tea, however, was much more intense and original than that Tea Shop in Kampung Raja. The short bread and cakes were much cheaper and more delicious than that Tea Shop in Kampung Raja too!

Typical Family Photo At The Typical Spot For Typical Family Photo

View from the outermost part of the building.
Just before 4.30p.m. strikes on the clock, we left.Half way down, my dad had to stop near a cabbage field and buy some vegetables from a solo stall outside the cabbage field.

I saw this scarecrow and I had to take a picture of it. It looks too fake doesn't it?and dead too. Too dead.
This time we were heading home. It was the last few moments for us to enjoy the chilly breeze of this misty heaven before we go back down to hell. At the lower part of the mountain, my dad stopped at the souvenir shop to take a leak. While waiting for them in the car, I took a picture of 'oncoming disaster'.

Can you see the thick, horrifying, fog in the middle of the picture? Do you wonder what it is? I shan't tell you the answer now. Figure it out yourself.
This time, for real, we were heading home. All the way straight. But we stopped somewhere in Ipoh to buy a very famous salted chicken and boneless duck. In that famous restaurant, my dad asked the owner where could we find good food for dinner. We would have ate in their restaurant but there were closing. They only remained open because we had called them earlier to reserve the chickens and the ducks and had told them we were on our way to their restaurant. They introduced to us a restaurant which was very high class. It was a restaurant commonly used for wedding dinners. We, of course, did not eat there. Instead, we circled around the area near it and found a better family restaurant. We got to try a rare vegetable called the Green Dragon.

We reached home around 10.30p.m. The whole trip was relaxing, refreshing, fun, and memorable. And also very filling because a lot of food was involved. Also, from this trip, I had learned a lot about my flaws. I have found ways to fix it and change myself. Hopefully, I will be a better person and more likable. This trip was very awakening. A lot of my misfortunes and bad encounters made sense. I now know, what to do. Everything is coming to me in a clear light. My dark path is guided with a beam of light I had finally found.

I Was An Idiot

2008-09-05T16:31:00.006+08:00

Friday was a special day. Friday will be a special day. Friday is today. Today be Friday.
As I was sitting in the canteen, waiting for my friends, I wondered what should I do, what should I say, when should I say, how should I say, to my new friend. Anxiety took hold of me, leaving me in negligence that I had no class until 9a.m. and that would mean the guys was never going to come to the canteen. Fridays, like Wednesdays, was breakfast at the clubhouse.

Lectures were quite boring and they would remain that way since all we could do now is past year papers to prepare ourselves for the future paper. Except for chemistry, which is still unfinished. Upon entering the lecture halls, I immediately directed myself to the very front row on the right side of the lecture hall, to reclaim my long forgotten habitat. I had always sat there with Taki beside me. Its been more than two weeks I have allowed dust to gather on my warm spot. It felt good sitting there again.

I talked to Taki. I felt like I had not had a proper conversation that I used to have with him for a long time. Talking to him at that moment was truly reviving. I told him my stories, he listened and said words I wanted to hear. He rarely tells me his stories but I won't push him to do so. I give freedom as much as I want freedom.

When I was walking to my second last lecture of the day, I saw Jo Lene. I went to her and asked her if she had anymore spikes. Surprisingly, she told me that she brought the amount I said in my blog. So she handed me five more spikes. I felt like a total loser at that moment. Inside the lecture hall, as I cleaned all the spikes using a single tissue paper, courtesy of Nide, I talked to Taki about what just happened. What made me realize how much of a loser I was. A failure. A sorry excuse for a person.

I felt like a whiny wuss. Whining about every single thing from tiny to little. When Jo Lene gave me the five spikes I whined about in the previous post, when all I asked was whether did she still have any, I felt like I was a really whiny wimp who is crying so loud that it was sickening and tiring. So annoying that nobody would like any longer business with this wuss than to just give him what he wants so he would shut the hell up. I realized, I was a complete loser. Upon mentioning that, everything seemed to make sense. Everything that I was unsatisfied about, everything that I felt like a bad thing to happen in my life, everything was because I was a loser. Taki told me that was not the case. Indirectly, he was saying that I am exaggerating everything and it is really not as dramatic as I presume it to be. However, I still feel like a loser because looking back, thanks to these spikes that pricked me to turn around, I saw that I had indeed been quite a whiny wuss lately. Complaining about everything and crying like a wimp. Not literally, my tear glands do not have excessive tears for crying. I knew I had to change. It was time to face everything like a man. Everything goes. No point hiding in my shell. No point protecting my skin from even the heat of sunlight. I will die someday. Today or tomorrow. If I don't die today, I will die tomorrow. And for the next day I will repeat the same words until eventually, it ends by last few words which goes, "Today I died". So I should go all out in my life. Live with no regrets. Experience every outcome. From disasterous to miraculous. Feel every moment. I can retreat to my shell when I pass.

After that inspiring moment, it was time for my last lecture of the day. Biology. At the beginning, it was boring. I was close to dozing. I could not allow my eyes to close anymore. So I striked a conversation with Taki. I talked to him about working when waiting for A2 results. Then I started making fantasy plans of us, Soka, Taho, Edte, and Thsh, giving tuition to secondary or primary schoolers. We would find a place near a school to do this part time job, where we guide students to complete their homework. So that they would focus completely on homework at that time without any home distractions to give them intervals. When they had completed their homework, they could go home without any worries and do what they want. They could play and their parents would not be scolding them about homework. Everyone is happy and happiness makes the world a better place. Thus, we will have made the world a better place. And homework is the culprit to the world's peace.

Then I told Taki about how I will talk about potatoes whenever I don't know what to talk about. Usually I would speak of very dark humour but I am trying to stop myself from doing that. So potatoes would be a good replacement. I asked Taki to join me in my invention of the tasty Potato Juice. I proposed that we try it original first, then with honey, then with soya sauce, then, finally, with lemon. If all four taste terrible, I will have to rethink this plan. I will not stop until I can make a true, delicious, potato juice!

School ended at 1p.m. I stayed until 2.30p.m. I had told the guys I will stay back to get a chance to meet Sunny, and maybe talk to her and let our young friendship to blossom. I stayed in the canteen near Block H, while doing my Physics past year paper. I tried to do it but realized how bad my memory serves me. One hour later, Sunny finishes her last class. I had 30 minute to spend with her and it would be more than I could ask for.

I waited 1 minute. She did not appear. 5 minutes. She did not appear. 10 minutes. Her lecturemates were all leaving already. Did I missed her? Was she on her way home already? Did she walk pass when I was looking at my Physics paper? 15 minutes. Not even her shadow. I was losing hope. I had 15 minutes left before my mom arrives. 20 minutes. I gave up. I packed my stuff, and stood up. I took one last look of the canteen before I left. And there she was. Wearing pink, same as me, sitting two rows away, alone, with a guy. I had seen that guy with her before. I had seen her with that guy before. I had thought they were just normal friends. I still do not know. But her smiles beg to differ. I may be sabotaging myself, I may be hypersensitive, I may be thinking too much. Regardless, I felt like I had wasted another hour and a half of my life for something I can never reach. Once again, I felt my chest tighten and my body beaten. Didn't I tell myself to never get back in the game before? Why don't I listen to myself?

And so it seems this Friday was not special after all. It was a sad Friday. A Friday of ache. A Friday of shatter. A Friday of disappointment. A Friday of loss. This Friday the fifth is my Friday the thirteenth. Just kidding, it is not that dark and horrifying. But depressing, nonetheless.

I walked to the front lobby and sat there thinking, while waiting for my mom. As I saw the red kembara parked beside the pavement, I walked towards it. I entered the car and my mom told me that she wanted to go to Tesco. I told her I have no had my lunch yet. We drove to Pandan Jaya. I ate wantan mee. I drove out, the traffic light was green, I drove pass it and turned right at the T-junction. The light was still green but I was in the middle of the T-junction because there was a traffic jam on the other side. The light turned orange. I was still stuck in the middle of the road, blocking the passage of the car on the other lane. The light was red. A black car who saw my whole situation, ignorant as he was, sped ahead as though he wants to crash my car and stopped before he touches me. Then he curses me with his horn as though he was the one who was stuck in traffic, when really I was the victim. His anger was ineffective towards me. Instead I ignored him because I realize that he was being unreasonable and ignorant. Was I to be blamed to cross the road when the light was green? Was I to be blamed that the car in front of me stopped because there was a traffic jam causing me to park in the middle of the junction? Was I to be blamed for being the one who was stuck? Some drivers are such impatient idiots who has absolutely no sense of reason or logic. The other drivers were understanding and quiet, only this black 4WD chinese idiot driver was causing a solo ruckus.

In Tesco, I bought a pack of Nachos, some kuaci, and japanese rice. The first two are for my Cameron Highland stress-cum-relaxing trip tomorrow. I sure hope my family gives me a break and just enjoy the trip as a whole family without any stress-related topics. It may be hard since there was only four of us and three quarter of the group are sadists. Well, if luck is by my side, my third eye will save me.

I Got A Porcupine Souvenir

2008-09-04T19:52:00.003+08:00

I drove to school today, just like any other Thursday. What made today special was that I skipped a class intentionally for purely evil reasons for the first time in my college life. I skipped my physics practical because absolutely no one was going and I would have to go through a hate session where the lecturer questions me about the disappearance of my classmates followed by his hate speech concerning my class's attitude. Admittedly, my classmate has not been the best of students in his class. We took him for granted, doubt his abilities, and payed him no respect since the first class, which start just this semester. Everyone decided that our excuse would be due to the lack of time we have left before our A2 examination, we all wanted to start our own study leave. Aside from the fear of the trouble of explaining for everyone, Taki invited me to go play at the Cyber Cafe. The Taki. The Taki who used to reject our invitation to the Cyber Cafe.

So we went there in Edte and Taho's car. All 6 of us. All the BNBD members. We had breakfast first before going to the Cyber Cafe. As usual, during our meal, all disgusting topics arise. Such as, started by Thsh, how soya bean can cause infertility. We played in the Cyber Cafe for one hour. Two games of FoCs and one game of DotA. I played rather well, for a kill stealer. Thsh was thoroughly annoyed at me for not only kill-stealing, but also for doing one stupid thing which was intended to be a joke. Due to some unexpected twist of mood, Thsh did not find it amusing, which should be odd since he usually likes stuff like these, instead got annoyed and started nagging me for possibly ruining his game.

Regardless, two hours later, back at school, we went for classes, I was tired as hell. I could not stop myself from closing my eyes. During Biology lecture, Jo Lene came to me and handle me a good news and a bad news. Bad one is a receipt of RM229.50, which is very bad because I still owe her RM 457. Good news is that she brought me the porcupine spike I asked! It was super awesome! Thanks JoLene!

I call him my PorcuPig now. Or Sakai Piggy?

I should have asked for more. I needed three to complete my 'style'. Anyway, the drive home was terrible. It was raining cats and dogs. No, that would be understating it. It was raining elephants and rhinoceros. Yes, that would be overstating it. In short, it was raining heavily. I think I nearly destroyed the internals of the car by speeding pass large puddles of rain water. Fortunately, I drived safely after the car started screeching like mad. If I had continued to rush pass the liquid obstacle, ignoring the loud screeches, the car would have died and cannot be revived. At home, I felt slightly stressed. Why?

My brother is back. He returned last night just before dinner. His very presence intimidates me. I tried to be as friendly as possible. Since I went full blast of honesty and upset through email with him, it seems even harder to be with him now. He invited me to play mahjong after dinner. I played until it was time to sleep.

My dad was planning a trip to cameron highlands. I thought, I could finally get to relax before the tough revision. Then guess what my brother had to say?
"Bring your books, we can study there"
Guess what was in my mind?
"Fuck"
Guess what did my dad say?
"Its good to study when you are relaxing"
Guess what was in my mind again?
"I don't think my theory of relaxing equates stress"
Do you see now what his very presence intimidates me? His unavoidable attacks? All I can do is pray and hope he doesn't start attacking. He just never stops does he? Or do they?

Before I went home today, I was chatting with Soka about our families. He has almost the same condition as me. There are only two differences. One is that he is the eldest and I am the youngest. Two is that his one has lessened by a great deal or close to stopping since he entered secondary, while mine continues to only grow stronger by the day. Even in college, I feel no different than a primary boy. Maybe that is why I feel so trapped and stressed. I am being compressed and pushed to remain as a 12 years old.

In my family, it has always been 3 versus 1. No one ever stands on my side. I guess that is why they never know what I want or what I like. It never occured to them to try and understand my point of view, don't even think about them accepting it. When my brother is not around, it will be either 2 versus 1 or 1 versus 2. My mom will take either mine or my dad's side depending on her mood. But when my brother is present, she immediately shifts to the anti-bryan side and forgets every single thing I have had expressed to her before. In fact, she would start berating me about the improperness and complain about what I had expressed to her about. I don't know what you think, but I think this family could very well be against me. And they are doing it slowly as well. It is somehow similar to the story of the frog and the boiling water. Put a frog in a hot boiling water and it would jump out. Put the frog in and bring the water to a boil slowly, the frog would be cooked before it knew it was dying. And that is exactly what they could be doing. Cooking me slowly.

During dinner today, my brother suddenly looked at me. Then. . .
Mom: Dont look at him like that. You would scare him.
Brother: That's what I'm doing. I just look at him and he fidgets around thinking what should he do or what did he do wrong. I like it when I do that to him.

I was not fidgeting. I was not having cold sweat. I was not thinking what should I do or what did I do wrong. I said "what's up?" While thinking whether how long should I wait for him to say what he wants assuming he intend to say something since he was staring at me with what should be more like a stare which says "You are in deep shit" than a "I got something to say" look. I was slightly unhappy. Slightly upset.

Apparently, what I had complained and said before was for all of the uselessness of effort. He still did not get me at all. Nor even has the heart to get me by a bit. First of all, he still persist to maintain a teacher-student relationship. Clearly he prefers to be on the same level as my parents and educate me just like them. Clearly, in a way, he wishes to keep the idea that I have no brother. In a way, I was like an only child. Secondly, he find solace in intimidating me. In striking fear to my soul. In torturing me and looking down on me from his high throne like a king to a slave. In bossing me around and pointing out things that is not to his liking about me. He enjoyed his morbidity towards his victim, me.

And I have yet to find my balls to stand up to him. To grab my sword of pride and fight for my dignity. To let him know, I don't need him to govern over my life. I am my own government. I don't need a tyrant brother. I shall be the V of my life and stand up against this chancellor Sutler.

I showed them the porcupine spike Jo Lene gave me. Then they wanted to take it away from me. They being my brother and my mom. I wasn't going to let them rob anymore from me or my life. So I said no, it was mine. I had to elevate my relationship with Jo Lene to a whole new level just so to fool them into thinking that this porcupine spike would be a very important gift to me and so they were not allowed, over my dead body, to take it from me. But in fact, I was just preventing them from reaching into MY pocket and taking MY stuff anymore. I am enough with all these crap and it is time for me to take back control of my own life. I will fight for my independence from them. And when I get my independence, that day shall be remembered and celebrated for all my time.

However, a first battle does not guarantee a first success. They didn't take my spike. Instead, they ask me to request for more spikes from Jo Lene. How will I feel comfortable asking more of these AFTER I had asked and taken one? Geez. They have to make me do all their dirty work just to get what they want. If they had wanted it so much, go hunt their own porcupine. Don't disturb me. Unfortunately, since I had lost in my first battle, now I need to think how should I request for 5 more spikes from Jo Lene.

5 is still quite a number but it was tough negotiating with my brother. He wanted more, I said it would be impossible because I said a lot of people are asking from her. Then he said just ask Jo Lene to give me all the remaining she has left to give. Then I said that would be hard because she needs some for herself and her own family too. Finally I managed to make him settle with 5. However, I am not even sure I could get anymore from Jo Lene. Or maybe I could just lie to them that she was out and there are just no more and they could go hunt their own? But what if they take mine? Those barbarious tyrants. Or maybe Jo Lene WILL have too many extras and she can spare me some? Damn, I hate it when my brother comes back and give me nothing but bad, stressful, tension, intimidating, underestimating, insulting, bossying, memories. Geez.

The Sun Is My New Friend

2008-09-03T16:02:00.000+08:00

I turned today's bad day with a really good thing. Although the bad event occurred after the good thing I created, I made sure the good thing was strong enough to shackle the bad thing. I have very little classes today. I was free from 8 to 9a.m. in the morning. I arrived around 7.30a.m. I met Edte and Taho up at the clubhouse. I showed them some pictures from my computer then played FOCs. The first lecture for today was Physics. I had failed my trials for physic. I guess I deserved to fail since I did not really revised diligently for the tough subject.

After physics, it was supposed to be my chemistry lecture. Fortunately, Mr.Low, my chemistry lecturer, was on leave. We, the Boys Generation a.k.a Boy Nyuh Boy Dae (BNBD), happily went to the canteen. Sunny was there. We planned everything. It should go smoothly. But, I'd be damned, Ms. Chin, my applied mathematics lecturer, decided to move her tutorial to the front and replace Mr.Low's class. We had to go to class. Oddly enough, our tutorial turned out to be a combined lecture in the lecture hall. And less than half of my classmates were present. Ms.Chin said that if all the classmates are not in then the tutorial for MY class will not be shifted (THANK YOU MS.CHIN!!!). I happily persuaded the rest of my classmates to just leave and wait for our tutorial later. We happily left and went back to the canteen. I charged my computer while they played. Edte and Thsh was playing cards at two tables away. Soka was playing my computer. Taho was playing Edte's computer. Taki was watching Soka play. I was nervous. Sunny was stationary, a mere metre from me. The guys pushed me to go. Finally, I decided, I have nothing to lose, making a new friend is a normal thing, just hoist my balls up high and go for it. And so I did. . .

"Hi, how are you?"
[nods and smiles]
"So, are you from the same school as Mata?"
[Shakes the head]
"What's your name?"
"Michelle"
(Haaalleluujahh~! Hallelujah!! hallelujah!!)
"I'm Bryan, if you don't remember"
"I do. I will remember it"
(Haaalleluujahh~! Hallelujah!! hallelujah!!)
-silent pause-

I am really bad with conversations. Usually I am not the initiative talker, I am more like the guy who only has lots to say on other people's topic. I can hardly think of any topics to start. I hope I didn't make too much of a fool of myself, I tend to do that when I hold the post as an initiative talker. Well, it is quite hard for me since Sunny was a very shy person, who tends to remain quiet as long as possible.

"What do you think about TARC so far?"
"There are alot of people who speak chinese, and I don't really speak chinese."
"Oh me too!"
....
..
..
.
.
.

Don't expect me to remember every single bit of the conversation. Besides, I am not going to write down everything here. I cannot cross the point where I draw my personal privacy line. Anyway, I made a new friend today and I am very happy about it. Who knows what will blossom from there? I could find a new person who I can finally talk out my problems with, or I could just find a new ordinary friend. Although it was just 30 minutes, it was one hell of an frontal step for me.

I was high for the rest of the day after that 30 minutes. During my chemistry practical, I played with Tiffany's pet rabbit, Louis. She brought him after me and Siao Ying asked her to. Louis was scary at first, but slowly I find him very cute and fun to play with. After practical, we went for lunch at canteen 2. Then went for the math tutorial. The class had changed from H block to K block. So I had to walk further, carrying that super heavy computer bag with me. My joints were aching at the end of the day.

In the class, we did not study anything at all. First session was marking attendence. Second session was rabbit playing. Louis was getting used to me already. It is fun playing with him. I love animals. Third session was photographing session. Photographing with Tiffany was excrutiating long. I just took one picture and it was nice in just one shot. Tiffany had to take about 8-10 shots just to get it the way everybody wants it. Louis was vibrating through it all. I would not use the term shake because he was really more vibrating than shaking. Shaking would be undermining his fear dance.

I was not as high anymore by 2p.m. I was still happy though. When I went up to my mom, who was waiting in the car, she told me she had forgotten to bring my Banker's cheque to pay for my A2 examination fees, which was deadlined today. I had forgotten it this morning and I had asked her to bring it when she arrives. After driving back home, I messaged Tiffany and Mr.Low asking whether was it alright for me to hand in my Banker's cheque one day late. They were not very helpful. So instead of wasting my time worrying, I redressed (I showered already), and drove out with my mom back to college. Handed in my Banker's cheque. Was told about checking some entry thing tomorrow. Went back home. With a worry free from my mind. But a major time loss from that wasting-petrol-incident.

Forgetfulness has been occurring more often in my parents. I wonder if age had anything to do about it. I was getting more forgetful as well. I wonder if stress had anything to do about it. Or maybe stress was getting to my parents as well? Either way, when a person is not calm and happy, he messes up, forgets stuff, and worsen's his negative condition. I had had good memories before. And I recall that I was happy and calm when I was remembering a lot of information I did not know I was capable of.

Tomorrow there will be more photographing sessions with the lecturers. I will post all the pictures at once instead of one by one, so you would have to wait if you had wanted to see any.

On one lunch a few days ago, my mom said in our meal conversation that her friend who can tell spiritual and superstitious stuff had counted or found out or whatever they do to know abtract things that I have the third eye. And my parents really believe in such mystical powers. My dad said that the third eye is not something everyone has. Very few people has it. Then my dad went ahead and tell a story he heard from a friend. As would have expected, it was a story of a mystical friend who was the reincarnation of some god or goddess. And she had a third eye to begin her godly adventure. I thought it was cool if I really have a third eye. I would like it to be in the middle of my forehead above my eye brow line. It would seem scary, weird, alien, or odd, but it would look cool. Forgive me, but my definition of cool is odd.

Time to buckle up for my physics. And Biology. And General paper. And Mathematics. And Chemistry. I pretty much have to finally start getting seriously serious about my studies. Too late? Yes, of course. But at least I am still not passed the deadline.

Plans Made To Fail

2008-09-02T18:37:00.003+08:00

Trials are finally over. I believe that is how most of my lecture-blogger mates would start their post - if not as the heading then as the beginning of a paragraph. I am not especially proud of my work for the last paper today. Biology. I did a rather bad job. Most of the question was easily answerable, yet I did not took the effort to study enough. The result was a badly done paper four.

After the paper, I planned to go get my mom, go get the banker's draft to pay my A2 fees, then go for any movie with my mom. Unfortunately, my plans were foiled again by some really bad luck that I have these past few weeks. My uncle came, with my cousin sister, asking my mom to take care of her for him. She was ill and was sent to my mom to be taken care of. What brought upon this transfer from her babysitter would be unnecessary and long, so I shall leave that away. My uncle and his wife has work so my mom was their only hope of caring for my cousin sister.

Thus, my uncle took me to the bank, I bought my banker draft, and had lunch with him. Then he brought me home, and he went to work. Someone is missing. Oh yes, my bloody movie. So the end of trials became just like any other ordinary day. How sad.

To explain why I said my plan was foiled again. I will have to go through a lot of more unnecessary stories. To keep it short, a lot of my plans were almost 100% foiled these past few weeks and it is just utterly disappointing and very infuriating. Even for the simplest things, my wants could never be achieved. My plans could never be accomplished. I wanted ice cream, failed. My dad promised me movie, failed. I wanted porridge and carrot juice, failed. I wanted movie again, today, failed. What happens if I had made bigger plans? I'm glad I knew better than to make big plans during these bad times. God knows what sort of disaster would befall to crush my plans.

I could have studied Biology for today last night. Unfortunately-Fortunately for me, one of my all time super favourite movie was on. V for Vendetta. I used up a lot of time watching that movie until the end. I could not resist it. I had to watch it. Hence, my favourite movie. I could never grow bored watching that movie. Just like how I would never grow tired of watching Shaolin Soccer. By the time the movie ended, I had thirty minutes left to study before bed time. I have a bed time not because my parents make me sleep during that specific section in the time and space continuum, but because my biological clock sets the off time at that time of the day. And once the clock rings, my eyes lids will no longer be mine to command and my brain will only pay attention to the word 'sleep'. As a result, as mentioned above, I sucked terribly for my Biology paper.

Back to V for Vendetta. I absolutely love the movie for it's plot, language, history, characters, originiality, idea, uniqueness, twists, and touching-ability. It was one of those very well made movies that only appear once in a few hundreds or thousands of movies. It is one of those unique, rare breed of golden movies that would not be a waste of time. James McTeigue did a very good job with the movie. I shall not write the plot in here, it would be too long and no one would be interest to read it anyway. So if you have not watched the film, you better do and you better like it or I will brain you.

V is the coolest! (played by Hugo Weaving, who also played as Agent Smith in The Matrix Trilogy)
__________________________________
"Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
The Gunpowder, treason and plot
I know no reason,
Why the gunpowder treason,
Should ever be forgot."
My favourite rhyme in the movie. One of the lyrics by Guido Fawkes.

Chill Dude

2008-09-01T13:55:00.003+08:00

Wow. That was quite an online explosion I had this morning. That was about 1a.m. in the morning. I think it was the Drunk Demil talking, that's why it was so full of fury and despair. To those who do not know, Demil is my second darker personality. Last night I went to my cousin's open house. I drank a bit of red wine. Maybe that was what made Demil a bit off. There was quite a bit of fun at my cousin's house. Uncles were fooling around and playing drunk after a glass of red wine. Adorable kids running around playing noisily and only sitting down quietly and calmly when they were each given an ice cream. It was very warm. A small warm party.

Some of my nieces were very cute. And by the looks of the feature they possess, I am sure they will grow to be pretty girls. Or maybe this beauty is only for their childhood? For girls, unlikely. Come to think of it, I am an uncle. Uncle Bryan. Doesn't sound too bad.

I spend about an hour or more to clean up my room today. I didn't have the time to do a full detail clean up but an hour plus would suffice for the times to come. I cleared some dust, arranged my notes, threw some useless papers, and vacuumed the floor. Now that I have a clean environment which is no longer messy with papers everywhere. No notes would be hard to find and sneezes will be close to zero. I realized that my mood elevated under a clean environment. I guess, once I relieved myself off the negative energies around me, positive energies can flow in and brighten up my mood. That sounded like a Zen master didn't it? Boy, am I lame or what.

Now that I've cleaned up my room, I think I am ready to go clean up some bigger, more vital, things in my life. My intelligence and emotions. Time to dust it all out and get clean. To refurbish and refurnish. Rehabilitate and rejuvenate. Return and reign. All hail Uncle Bryan!

Today begins the Puasa month. The month of Ramadhan. I have been following this puasa every time for 5 years already. I had always puasa-ed with my best friend. Ever since college started, we got separated from schools (I am School of Pre-University Studies and he is School of Arts and Science), I haven't been talking to him much, or meeting him for that matter. We used to be so close that our other friends get mad at us. They say our judgements are not fair because we will always help and support each other. They say we are practically married couples. But I say they are just jealous.

Unfortunately, the sudden change of things had changed us as well. We are no longer as emotionally attached as we used to be back in high school. I talked to my other old classmates about how I think he is breaking up with me. She told me not to worry. One thing lead to another, now are just normal close friends. No longer as special and exciting as it used to be. My point is, we were so close that I accompanied him during every Ramadhan. And now that he is not by my side as much anymore, I didn't puasa last year. Will I puasa this year? I do not know. Most probably I won't. Because it would not be accompanying him anymore and also I have a weak stomach, inherited from my father. Back at Sri Inai (my high school), I used to walk around and talk with him during recess and lunch hours. Now what do I do if I puasa? Watch people eat while the person I'm supposed to be puasa-ing is not there? Break-ups are hard. Love hurts. This is not homosexuality. I'm a homophobic straight. It's Guy Love, between two guys~

Anyway, can someone take me to watch these movies: Wall.E , You Don't Mess With The Zohan, and anymore nice movies that I have missed? (Ideality or preferance deviates to the Sun)

Equilibrium Benefit

2008-09-01T01:01:00.003+08:00

I had thought that something big was to happen to compensate for the rough week I had previously. Something good. Big good. A bunch of joy. Heart pounding excitement. Blushing of hope. Vomiting rainbows and sun shines. But no, I was wrong. The good feeling I had was but a preparation for another sad week. My brain somehow managed to predict an awful week ahead after another, so it made me believed that something good will happen. With all that joy and hope protecting me from insanity and darkness, giving me the confidence and feeling of hope. It had provided me with the persistence of optimism. Thus, I was defended from insanity and aggressive outrage. The only good thing that happened was I calmed the sea before it became a hurricane. In other words, the only benefit I got was maintaining my posture through these terrible times.

No matter how much I revised and studied the past year papers, I still did unsatisfactorily on the retake papers and A2 papers. I am a major screw-up and I can't seem to excel, but worsen. And it is just saddening to know of the other failures I had through out the week. So much disappointments from unaccomplished plans. So much irritation from annoying people. So many nonsensical, ignorant, insecure, paranoid, boastful, proud, insensitive, bastards. So many who wants to get pissed at or dislike me for no fucking reason at all and then treat me like shit, which I damn well did not deserve because I was not informed of what, how, where, when, who, which, did I offended or gave a reason to despise me so much. So many unwanted, untimed, unfortunate, unhappy, events. Lastly, so many positive feeling from just telling myself one stupid sentence which turned out to be a fraud (I know because it is already pass 12a.m, Sunday is out and nothing really good, according to my feelings, has happened), "Don't worry, let it happen, I felt that this is a good week, so something good is bound to happen."

Sunday was my country's 51st Merdeka (independence day). Monday is a holiday because of that. Tuesday I will have my Biology test and then trials will be done. Then I will get the time and space I need to rehabilitate myself to stand up from the ever growing ashes of disappointment and sadness and face the cruel world again. And to those who may assume that I am insensitive to call the world cruel when I am just suffering from a minor case of the mental pressure pain, I will let you know that I am also calling the world a cruel place because besides me there are also a tonne and more of people suffering worse than me.

Talking about assume, I really hate it when people assume. It is alright when they assume in their mind. But when the conclude their assumption, that is the annoying part. A scientific report is a very important lesson to everyone and I think everyone, yes, EVERYONE, should learn it's concept. NEVER USE YOUR HYPOTHESIS AS A CONCLUSION, USE THE EVIDENCE FROM THE DATA TO CONCLUDE YOUR HYPOTHESIS. And may I remind, that a hypothesis does not always has to be correct. Many people like to conclude their assumptions, as though they were some kind of God whose answer is the guess. Fucking annoying. Allow me to illustrate with a few examples;

Love: You look at or ask about a girl. They say you like that girl. Then they start to tease you about that girl. Then they start making up stories and scenarios which they are already sure will happen and start teasing you about that. You seem to have no say in this because they were somehow crowned as the story writer of your life. You say that you do not like the girl. They ask you are you sure. You are thinking whether can you trust yourself, is what you feel really what you are feeling or maybe you are feeling your feelings wrongly because they are the self-proclaimed owner of your life. You can do nothing but smile. They assume and conclude that the smiles mean you do like her. You are now forced to like that girl.

Food: You tasted something good. Your parents know you like it. You do like it. Then they assume it was your favourite food. Then they conclude that you would be happy as long as you eat it. Then they tell people it was your favourite food. Then they keep feeding you with it because they assumed and concluded that it was your favourite food. You got sick of the food. You tell them it wasnt your favourite food. They get unhappy and say that you said you liked it. Then you argue that you never said it was your favourite. Then they get upset because you didnt turn out to be the way they concluded. Then you feel you are at fault, you feel guilty, for the most non-logical reasons.

I believe I don't need to illustrate any further to prove my point. I do hate people who conclude assumptions. Point made. I think I should stop before I unintentionally offend readers who are hypersensitive, unable to accept this, or thought it was meant to hurt them.

Damn It, I Am NOT Gay! I Just Love Guys!

2008-08-25T20:58:00.004+08:00

[In the case of serious readers or people who do not understand the nature of jokes, the title was indeed just a joke.]

I shan't be blogging from after this one until my trials exam has ended. I want to concentrate on my revision. Yes, I am going to revise hours before my test. That's the way I roll. Not really, that's more like the way I corner myself by pampering myself with excessive relax time and torturing myself with obsessing General Paper during the holiday, which was supposed to be my study week - but I did study, just not on my other four subjects.

I could feel that this week will be a wonderful week. It will be such a good week that I would feel worthwhile going through hell last week. If by some sick twist of fate, it does not happen to be as terrific as I felt it to be, I will take take my words and it does not compensate for the hell I went through last week. In your face, twisted fate!

Although I had spent all the 5 and a half hours at school today one eighth studying and seven eight playing cards with Edmond and Pang Hoon, didn't have enough time to write a really good essay and finish my second essay on time during the General Paper examination, and left my College Identity Card in the examination hall which means that I am probably never going to see it ever again and followed by a lot of procedures and trouble I will need to go through until I get it back or a new one, or by some good luck through this good-week-feeling I am having that I may find it back and kiss it till it gains life and tells me to stop slobbering it with my saliva. Also when I was driving home I thought the window behind was not closed properly because I was hearing the whoosh from cars speeding pass me and some disturbing bumps when I go through even the slightest rough surface as though the car was about to fall apart like in the cartoons. Later in the middle of my journey home I found out that I did not close the car door properly. I was terrified. I drove carefully and slowly when on rough surfaces. I was afraid that the door might just drop out. Then I laid on hand on the steering and the other pulling the door towards me, keeping it shut like it should be. It may sound like a bad day, but I'm feeling quite good. I guess this must be a really good week since I wasn't feeling sad, self-pity, depressed, or anything at all. Or maybe I've changed? I don't know, and honestly, I don't care. I'll just savour this good feeling and stick with it.

Or could it be I feel so relaxed and happy because I just ended my GP assignment with my brother? It could be partly because of that. But my feelings tell me that it's because this will be a great week.

My parents are back. I talked a lot. You have to understand that this is a very rare and odd thing for them. I am not exactly the talkative type when it comes to conversation with family. I'm always the more quiet, conserved, dark, weird, fellow. They always persuade me to open up and communicate more. They say that if I were more communicative with them, there wouldn't be so much dissatisfaction with each other, or the relation I have now with my brother for that matter. Everything would be just the way I want it to be if I just talk more to them. I knew they were right, but it just felt weird. Its hard to start since it would be a big change. However, for the past four days they have left me alone. I relaxed, took my break from them, rejuvenated, and renewed myself, subconsciously. Now I feel comfortable talking a lot to them and everything. I am comfortable with them. I think I have changed. I guess what I needed to all these while was a fresh start, and four days without the sight of them was like never meeting them before. Then when I meet them again, I gained a fresh start and now I'm making this a healthy relationship for a reset.

My dad bought me a new T-shirt. I've decided to wear this when I feel the day is right. He kept repeating the price of the collar T-shirt to me, and I kept replying with a thank you. Then he said he wanted me to appreciate it, thats why he told me that it cost more than RM100, numerous times. I wondered what my thank you meant to him.

Now I will go back to studying my physics and pure mathematics last minute before I go to sleep. But first, a trip to the Mr. TB (Toilet Bowl, not Tuberculosis - oh my god, that was so lame) to release some kidney excretory into its flooded mouth so that I feel clean and light.

"I will be the first to bask in the warmth of the sunshine" - Nabyr Eseoht Iqzih (pronounced: Nah-bhir--Eh-sioh-th--Ikk-zeh)

Mental Implosion

2008-08-23T22:40:00.003+08:00

It's a Saturday. I'm still alive. Surprising. But I'm dead inside?

If only I had a dog, then it would feel less lonely at home. My cousin left before I woke up. I spent three hours to finish my breakfast. In a way, I took brunch, except that it hadn't pass 12p.m. yet.
Hour One - woke up lazily, brushed teeth, shower, drank a glass of milk - man milk. . .just kidding, it was cow milk.
Hour Two - Fed Betty, put water to boil, made tea and lit incense for two gods
Hour Three - Made pizza for breakfast because, looking at the time, I knew by the time I finished, it would be minutes away from lunch anyway.

By the way, last night, I slept around 3.30a.m. to 4a.m. Amazed by my diligence in studying? You are wrong. I was up for quite a long time to clean the refrigerator. I was doing an essay for my brother. I screwed the whole essay up and I was really mad and disappointed at myself. I felt stupid and idiotic. My brain really disappoints me when it comes to GP. Anyway, I emailed him saying that I couldn't send him an essay yesterday. I didn't elaborate. I think I have been obsessing with GP too much for the whole damn week. Now my GP has improved by the tiniest negligible bit and I wasted so much time that I might screw up the whole of my trials paper. I need a miracle.

I decided to grab supper from the kitchen and watch some videos before I sleep (I know, that is a very someone-gonna-be-a-fat-pig-behavior). When I opened the refrigerator, I saw an alien milk bottle, lying horizontally, dripping milk at a constant rate of one and a half drop per second. It belonged to my cousin, by that I meant she bought the milk from somewhere and kept it in my fridge - don't think otherwise,you pervert. Don't cry over spill milk, my ass. How can one stay happy over this? Think positive and say,"At least my fridge didn't shrink or lose its colour!"
I spent an hour plus just to clean the fridge. I couldn't remove the piece of support where the milk was spilled because there wasn't enough space to pull it out. So after I removed and cleaned the infected stuff from the crime scene, I soaked the milk in a towel. Then I quickly carried the heavy towel to the sink and rinsed it until I see no traces of white liquid. I repeated this exercise until I was convinced that there was not a single drop of evidence left. I don't think my cousin knows her crime, I pretty much did her dirty work and kept quiet about it. Not that I am angry about it or anything. Neither am I too happy about the spill. However, I don't seem to mind. I guess, I had forgiven her the moment I saw the spill. I knew it wasn't her fault. She didn't know there was a leak in the cap.

Less than an hour after I finished my pizza, as I was about to engage in my study, my cousin called and said that she was coming back. She asked me what I wanted for lunch. I told her I had pizza. She said was there any left. I said none but there are still enough ingredients for more. She asked me to make her one. I sighed after I hung up. She was very polite. She is a nice person. It's just me. Like I said, this is the WORST holiday I have ever had. Too many things happening at the wrong place in the wrong time.

When she was back, she ate her pizza and then left with another cousin - the cousin who she invited to sleep over and then telling me about it after. By that time, the mood to study has sublimed. Damn. Instead, I wasted a lot of time watching Jimmy Kimmel Live. That guy has a lot of really bad jokes, and really good ones too.

This is one of the funniest one I watched. Guillermo the Mexican is hilarious! And that Spelling Bee Champion is quite cute when she smiles. Looks adorable.

Once again, unmotivated and GP-beaten as I am, I spent the day infront of food, computer, dreams, and the television. Later around 7p.m, my favourite uncle came and took me out to dinner. After so long (its only been two days), the outside world felt different. The air feels different, its like there is nothing to worry about once you are out here. I felt. . .rejuvenated, for an hour. After a very full dinner, we went back to my house and I was trapped in my work place once more. We watched some My.FM show, filmed from Genting Highland Arena of Stars, on channel 311 Astro. They left at 10p.m. and my cousins came back soon after they left.

I offered my bedroom to my other cousin, and I will sleep in my parent's room. I am really messed up. This holiday was like drug overdose to me. I need rehabilitation. Unfortunately, trials will be like boxing drunk. I will be pummeled and by the time I get my rest and rehab, it would take a much longer time to heal completely and be me again. I received major trauma on my psychological. I want my Sunshine! Let there be Sun! Give me my Sunny day!

P.S: I'm not getting crazy. I already am.

Rhythmic Gymnastics

2008-08-22T20:59:00.004+08:00

I am glad that my brother is getting busy. I am happy that he is losing the fun of teaching me. I am grateful that he helped me. But I am most joyful that he is not so enthusiastic anymore. From 10 essays, I complained and I reduced to 5 essay. Then he reduced to 3 essays. After three sets, he says he don't need it anymore. Now I just have to write one full essay per day. However, it seems that he is not rushing me or asking for it, maybe he has finally let me free? Though I doubt it since I did mention in one email to ask him not to rush me as I do not work well under stress. Either way, GP has taken over the whole of my holiday. I wasted my whole holiday not studying any other subject. All I did was sleep, eat, play computer, read comic books, and then stress about General Paper. When there is this GP hanging around, I just can't seem to concentrate on any other subject. GP is like a cage. You have to find the combination of the lock to get out of it each time before you want to do anything. Sometimes I get so tired of figuring out the combination, I just lay in my cage and let the time to pass. I am so screwed. The only progress on other subjects which I had managed was to answer one question in one past year paper on Pure Mathematics.

On another topic, Olympics Closing Ceremony is Sunday, 24 August 2008. I have to submit my A2 subject choice on 27 August 2008. I have to pay in September. My A2 is October. I am so screwed. Time passes so fast. Back to Olympics, I feel my sports energy depleting as the Olympic life span decreases. It will hibernate for another four years after the 24th August and to return from it's shell in London. I mentioned before that I love Gymnastic. So, yes, that means I love Rhythmic Gymnastic as well. Rhythmic Gymnastic is the more awesome elegance and beautiful gymnastics of gymnastics. My favourite is of course the number one ranking, gold medalist of individual all-round, 17 year old, Evgeniya Kanaeva of Russia!

She looks prettier when she smiles.

It get boring when I am alone at home. I would rather live at a hostel than be alone at home. At least there would be room mates or dorm mates. Home alone is no fun. It takes the study spirit out of me (I give all sorts of excuses just to avoid studying, don't I? I guess you really can't force it if you have no interest in it). My parents left for Krabi, Thailand, this morning at 9a.m. My mom called a cousin to come stay with me. I'd rather she didn't but she called regardless. She didn't even told me or asked me before she made the call. She just made it as though she was the one staying alone. Now I have to cook for two. And I can't eat whenever I want. There has to be a cooking time now. Damn. Just when I thought I could be peer-pressure-free for four days.

Edmond suggested I hold a party today since I will be alone. Not to celebrate my loneliness, but to rid my solitude. Unfortunately, no one could come but him and CK. I saw it coming but he was so enthusiastic about it that it influenced me. No one is free tomorrow either. I admit I didn't ask everyone, but if so little people were free, I'd rather not make it. 4 people will not define party for me.

My cousin went for work today and I was left alone at home the whole day. I think I did a bad job with my dinner rice but I managed to save it. I was using a method my mom uses all the time. A method which I never learned before. I only saw the utensils she used but I never really asked her for the guide. Usually I would use the normal rice cooker. But this method uses less water to produce the same, or sometimes better, result. Well, at least I won't sleep with an empty stomach. It's fun to cook. But not when I am doing it for myself. I would rather cook for other people.

There are full pizza ingredients in the refrigerator. If there was a party today, I would've made it and the ingredients would not be wasted. Now I don't know how to finish all of the food by myself, or with my cousin, before it spoils. Oh God, grant me a miracle. Let pretty girls rain from the sky and land softly on my garden. Then guide them to the house to eat pizza with me. Bad idea. Girls don't eat much. Very hungry girls then (I sound very desperate and pathetic, don't I? Don't judge me).

My cousin came back from her dinner with her friends. She told me about her plans for the next three days. Saturday and Sunday she will be leaving me also to do her volunteer work at World Vision. Then she tells me that another cousin will be coming to sleep over tomorrow night.
"Oh, I see, sorry to be a bother. . .thanks for letting me stay. . .I will make myself at home"
I'd be damned, I thought this was my home. I didn't know it was alright and dandy to make decisions herself and telling me after she had decided everything! I must be living in the past while I was studying GP because this must be a new house guest rule I have never heard before!
Well, she IS my cousin afterall. So it should be alright, I guess. I feel like this is quite a big deal, yet I don't feel bad about it. I think I am turning into my mom. A people pleaser. Prioritizing others over ourself. Is that good? or is that bad? I don't know which is what anymore.

Undying

2008-08-19T20:19:00.003+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you may have noticed, I am pretty damn pissed. I am upset, unhappy, stressed, angry, annoyed, irritated, and have vary very dark thoughts. This is definitely the WORST holiday I have ever had. The WORST. The Fucking WORST one of them all. From study pressure to peer pressure. I have been insulted, pushed, criticized, offended, underestimated, given the good ol' stink eye and as many discomforts as possible to remind me of my misery.

I knew I made a mistake when I listened to my family about what I should do about my future. Indecisiveness is a chance thing. By betting my future on chance, I had toyed with fate. Decisions made through indecision gives 50-50 results. It could be good or bad, or a little bit of both. The probabilities are thwacked. I never liked A-levels afterall. I knew I was free when I graduated. I knew I could do anything I want. But I had doubts and I was given more doubts and slowly, as no one guided me, I was lured into the dark trap that was laid for me. Now the only joy I find in this course are the friends I found.

If I had made my mind two years ago what I wanted to do, forget the cons and just went for it, I needn't face all these unnecessary, annoying, head aching stress. If I had went on another course, no one in my family can tell me the whats and hows of my course. Then they cannot say I'm stupid or complain about everything. There will an insignificant level of peer pressure and the only stress I would have, which I would prefer, is my own stress in doing the course. Or maybe I would love the course so much, there won't be any stress. I am currently suffering from more peer pressure than academic stress. If only I had rented a room in the college hostel. When the time for me to fly is there, I must fly, or there will be stress and pressures to push me away. But by then, it would be too late to fly, the wind is dangerous, and you are condemned to be tormented by these compressions.

My point is, don't ever let indecision to decide for you. Make up a clear mind and go for the one which makes you happy. Give no damn to the thoughts of anyone around you. So long as you are happy. I had lost my chance of happiness and now I must go through this one last obstacle before I am given the second chance to fly to where I belong. I just hope I won't lose my sanity or resolve to harmful products/ideas because of all these. It is a very unlikely scenario. Nevertheless, this is the WORST holiday I've had. To think that I'm just at day 4. 5 more days to bear. Then they will be forced to cut me some slack, because of my trials.

If only I am crazy enough to shout out, "Stay out of my business please! Let me be! Just shut the fuck up and mind your own business! Geez!" But I'm not that crazy to risk everything just because I didn't want them disturbing the flow of my study plans. Regardless, I am still trap in my vortex of dilemma in the eye of the hurricane of confusion. To complete my drama, I would say, I feel dead.

My Own Personal Olympic

2008-08-18T14:38:00.002+08:00

Saturday I swam like mad. I was trying to relax and de-stress myself. I was given an assignment by my brother-teacher to do ten GP questions a day and email it to him when I am finished. I was told to do this for the whole week, thus answering 70 questions. When he was giving me the assignment, I was thinking, "Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, don't say it! Don't SAY IT!! DAMN!!!"

Trials is next week and A2 is so near. My father and my brother-teacher does not know that I am retaking three subjects and that A2 isn't anywhere near the difficulty of AS. My stress is supreme. I don't know why but I didn't have the heart to tell my brother-teacher about the trials. I wasn't planning on telling them about the retakes at all. They would be extremely mad that more money will have to be given because I want to retake, yes even my brother-teacher eventhough it isn't him who is paying. I had already planned earlier to pay the retakes myself. Only my mother knows about everything. Regardless, she won't stand by my side unless she has no one's side to stand on.

I guess, the reason I didn't tell my brother-teacher was because I didn't want to reject his offer. All he did was want to help his little brother. Eventhough his little brother never asked for it. One thing about me is that I don't like to be helped unless I ask for it. I believe everything I do is an opportunity for me to learn and experience. I don't like an intruder hacking into my scene and being the unwelcome "hero". It rips me off my precious opportunity. It forces me to cheat in my game. It steals my dialogue in my play. In the end, I became a self-saboteur and is not pressuring over the lack of time to practice, revise, and be good at everything besides GP alone.

So I swam a lot and tired myself from the stress and peer pressures. Inspired by the Olympic spirit, I was in the mood for sweating and sports. Sunday I went for mountain hiking with my mother. Today I planned to play basketball but, of all days, the sky decided to rain today, specifically within the time range where I would be playing basketball. We settled for table tennis, but we needed to bring our own table tennis balls to play. I am hoping to play basketball on Wednesday.

Talking about Olympic brings me to my favourite sports. Basketball, badminton, swimming, diving, and, especially, gymnastics. I absolutely love gymnastics. Not one I would miss. As for basketball, I would only watch USA. And for badminton, I would only watch my country, Malaysia, play. Unfortunately, Lee Chong Wei is still a disappointment when it comes to competing with that annoying Lin Dan. It is not the first time, whenever Chong Wei faces Lin Dan, he has some sort of fear that causes him to make all sorts of silly mistakes, thus losing, again. Chong Wei has yet to overcome the psychology of battling with Lin Dan. Though Lin Dan played well last night, I didn't quite like him that much either. Not because I was biased. But because he has a very cheap and annoying tactic where he changes a new shuttlecock every minute of the game. It is so darn irritating. There was nothing wrong with the shuttlecock at all! Did he felt some bad feng shui on the shuttlecock!? God!

Back to my main topic, I love gymnastics. I also love diving because it is related to gymnastics, however diving has less variety to watch. I only watch Micheal Phelps in swimming. The Korean guy, Teah Wan, is good too. About gymnastics, it just gives me a unique, joyous, feeling. The girls are adorable and cute. The guys are cool and muscular. So were the girls. They were all over-muscular, especially on the legs. One may feel intimidated by the thigh muscles. But I find it amazing and tempting. The spirit of a gymnast is amazing. No matter how many times they fall, they stand up and spin again. No matter who wins or lose, they still hug each other in the end. No matter how unattractive you look, it depends on skills to get a medal. And the stunts in gymnastic are just totally awesome. They motivate me and lift me up. Watching gymnastics is definitely my favourite. Here are some of my favourites.

From Left: Anna Pavlova,Russia (Cute); Oksana, Germany (. . . . . . no. .comment. . . .); Deng Linin,China (Adorable)

Steliana Nistor, Romania (My number one favourite. She is super kawaii [cute] and very amazing)

Jiang Yuyuan,China (Very adorable. Like a mink. On the same level as Steliana on my list of favourites.)

Keeping It Together

2008-08-16T04:59:00.001+08:00

In front of my computer, at 4.30 in the morning, doing something dramatic to please my drama, if only there was also the background music '4 in the morning' by Gwen Stefani. As you might have known from my previous post, my brother has returned. Yesterday, I was tremendously annoyed at him.

21 hours and 30 minutes ago. . . .

My 8 to 9a.m. class was finally finished. So I got to have breakfast with Edmond and Pang Hoon. We always eat at our spot if we have time. Lecture started from 9 to 1p.m. Today I only saw Sunny once. After that, I will not see Sunny for a long,long, time. I didn't feel really good about the first half of the day. I had a feeling I was not accepted by the people around me, that time specifically. I had thought that they might be in a bad mood but I can't help but doing what I do. I am me. Inspite of that, I felt guilty after doing it. I'm such an idiot. I was trying to be cheerful but I was doing it at the wrong time with the wrong type of cheeriness. Then I started telling CK that I am 'globally despised' and dramatizing it.

After school, we, the X Generation (No, we did not name our group with a corny name. I named us that based on what was taught by Jeswynna), went to the Cyber Cafe, again. Played for two hours then headed home. I knew I was not supposed to play, but I felt like I needed to relax myself for that two hour because something worse will happen. I could feel a disturbance in the forest. There was a huge jam outside college. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to leave. When I think about the time I had inside the car, I flashed back on Wednesday.

37 hours and 30 minutes ago. . . .

In the car on Wednesday, while I was driving, I talked with my mom throughout the whole journey. We confer each other. We were both the victims of My AS Results and See Tho Negativity And Relentless Berating. We were talking about how badly I was treated without the slightly hint of encouragement or optimism and my mom was telling me how she backed me up in front of my father and my brother from giving me a worse attack. They are both against me I tell you. At the slightest chance of destroying me, they will take it. They won't think positively or be optimistic or even look on the bright side. There are no such thing as what's done is done. There is only what's done is going to be negatively judged and then given an exaggerated bombardment. Why do they always have to find reasons to be angry? why do they always have to find something to scold me about? why don't they look on the bright side of things and give encouragement so that I won't feel like they are purposefully against me?

Once at home, both me and my mom felt better after gossiping and talking out to each other. I told my mom, "We should do this more often because you are the only one I can talk to in this family."

Forward 24 hours. . .

At home, I planned to relax on my bed, while reading a book. But no, my brother just wouldn't allow that. He was leaving on Saturday and he just thought that he should give me a good memory to savour in before he leaves. So he asked me to write a GP essay for him. I chose a topic from Jeswynna's notes and wrote him one in an hour. If you recall - assuming you never missed an entry from this blog - I used to complain that I didn't like my teacher-student relationship with a brother. When I handed in my work to him, we went for dinner first.
[Note: Mood Gauge current level (-100<100): -10]

After dinner - here comes the sad part - he checked my paper. He asked me to get him a paper from my Notepad. I did not have notepads. I use individual sheets of paper from a bunch. Unfortunately, I was running out and only had a few sheets left. I didn't felt like wasting much for this. So I went up to my room and took a sheet. Then he said he needed more. So I went up again to take a few sheets extra. I came back down and we went over to the dining table. Then he asked for the question paper. I went up again and took it down. Then he asked for my pen and told me that this session would be pointless if I wasn't taking notes. I went up again and took my pen. So, in the end, I concluded, with my brother around, there is no point showering once you return from school. Just shower at night before sleep, that way it would seem more logical. [Beware: Mood Gauge current level (-100<100): -60]

During the session, he made sure I knew how much I sucked, how terrible I sucked and that I deserved to get ungraded for my General Paper. He asked me questions, he told me where I was wrong. Then he took two topics and argued with me. He said that he could destroy me completely because I had no points to counter him. Firstly, I wasn't at all interested or in the mood(as you may have already known) to debate with him. If he was a much more well-off brother he should have been, I might feel fun debating with him, and that way points might come into my head and a proper debate can commence. He even took the fun out of General Paper from me for that matter. All I was thinking about was that I didn't like what was going on and I deserved something different. Secondly, he revealed his true identity. He was out to destroy me after all. At that moment, I felt like saying out, "Let's drop all these. I have a topic to debate on. Let's debate on Who has been a better brother." And at the moment that topic came up in my brain, points followed by. I guess that was a topic of interest to deal with. But he doesn't know. He refuses to consider my feelings.
[Warning: Mood Gauge current level (-100<100): -89]

No doubt, his teachings were good. I benefited and gained some useful points. I found my weakness and such. But the main thing I am ranting about isn't the skills or comments he has about my writing. I am upset that he wasn't being a brother but a teacher. I have enough teachers at school. I need family at home. He can share his experience, share his opinion, share his feelings, consider mine too. He need not teach me! There is a fine line between sharing and teaching.

Finally, when all was done, he gave me a homework to be handed in before he leaves on Saturday. [ Warning! Mood Gauge: -92]. Then he asked me to go to my computer, which he had been hogging on for the past few days from dawn til dusk without stop - which is an act I totally hate because I treat my computer like a living thing and making it work so much for so long just hurts me inside. He said he had something to show me. Something funny. [WARNING! Mood gauge: -96]. He just destroyed his own brother whom he never really tried to understood and empathize, and now he wants me to laugh!? Am I a robot to him? Am I to function as he wishes and change moods as quick as taking photographs? Has he no consideration for my feelings?
[DANGER! Mood Gauge: -99]

Regardless, I was still a stupid idiot anyway. I never really talked to him about all these. Mainly because I know how he will react and I know his teacher-student reaction will just annoy me more. I know because he is like my father. I know because I am the only See Tho in the family who does not have issues like them. I am a different See Tho. Even by names I can be identified as the Black Sheep of the family. Every single cousin I have has the name See Tho Whye _____. I am the only one in this generation whose name is See Tho Qi Zhi. I am no See Tho Whye Zhi. When the time was out, my mood gauge was already one point to explosion. However, I took this as an opportunity to learn how to prevent explosions. So I managed to sleep in the end without causing any damage. On my bed, before I sleep, I started to think about stuff I had never thought before. I couldn't believe how much I was pushed to even have such a crazy-but-possible thought. I guess I was pretty melodramatic and sensitive. Or I was not. I don't know what is what anymore. I thought that I might be adopted because I am nothing like this family. This family is like that because I might be adopted. It was possible. And it is very common to hide this fact from their adopted child. Then I started to visualize all the cliches that I would do. Such as getting very angry at them for hiding it. Followed by confusion and depression of my life. How I have no idea of who my real parents were and such. It was quite a crazy thought but it felt like a dramatic reason. At least it gave me the last laugh before I sleep.

Forward 7 hours and 30 minutes. . .

Here I am now. Finding my time with my computer and writing down all my dramas. Then doing my homework for Mr. See Tho. I hope he won't scold me if I handed in my homework late. It's because I don't have a home to do my homework anymore since my home is a work place now. I know I may sound a wee bit too dramatic and sensitive or whatever. But if by doing do can help me feel better after all the fury and negativity they surround me with to persuade me into their morbidity, then I believe I should continue with it. I deserved to feel good just like any other human being. And I will do anything to achieve that.

Soon I Will Reign The Flaming Throne

2008-08-12T20:18:00.002+08:00

This is not a brand new day. But a totally different day. Or maybe I am becoming a different person. Someone striving to be better than who I was. I am in the process of a renewal. Soon I will reign the Flaming Throne. Feeling bad for my GP was not going to take me anywhere. So I dragged Pang Hoon along to go find Jeswynna (My current GP lecturer) with Nithiyaa for some advice and whatnot.

We used up the GP class for ourselves. There were no lectures. We spend a whole hour talking to her. Talking to her had lighten our burden and lifted our spirit. Confidence entered the gates of doubt carelessly and reclaim it's place. Now I feel I can do better in GP. I am required to be really serious with my studies during these four months. However, some traces of laziness persist to stay and, occasionally when my guard is low, I will see myself wasting time not studying. It is a tough struggle but it is a struggle I have to make.

The bad news is not this. The bad news is actually the return of my brother. I was not informed of his return earlier. I was just told that he will be stepping foot in my room within the next four to five hours. I was in deep shit. Bad enough I'm dealing with a massive amount of stress now, I can't deal with his constant berating, judging, teaching, scolding, complaining, bossing, without ending with a bloody implosion of flesh and fury!

I welcome him back home anytime. I don't mind, to be honest. I'm just asking to be informed earlier so that I can have my mentally prepared for his "brotherly" treatments. I know I am not a good brother either. But at least I don't underestimate him or do any of the sort he does to me. In fact, I respect him and bow down to him regardless of how much of a slave I am to him. I guess, deep down, I don't really care much since he is the only sibling I have. Better one that treats you like crap than none at all. I can't imagine how dull life would be without a sibling to live with. Being the only child is just not my thing.

Good news is that I learn how to speak Gibberish today. CK refuse to speak proper Gibberish with me but at least he tried. He's Gibberish was soft and he was pretty much mumbling his Gibberish. But regardless, it was properly pronounced Gibberish. Not many people can do Gibberish. Some people sound really fake and/or annoying when they speak Gibberish. Gibberish has to come naturally. I'd be glad to speak Gibberish to anyone who wishes to learn it.